Happy New Year 2019

I've never been much for New Year's - if I haven't worked them, I've found going out to be more on the disappointing side - I'd really rather stay home on what is perhaps the biggest night of the year to see more people drinking and driving. I also feel like by the time Christmas has come and gone, there have been enough other things to mark a year's passing. There have been this year, and this holiday season has been marked with a bit of sadness. In the grand scheme of things, our life journeys are filled with both joy and sadness, and we simply have to keep moving through both.

My hope this year on New Year's Eve, is that more people stay safe out on the roads tonight. Being a very moderate drinker myself, I'm not so worried about myself as I am the people who over indulge. I'll stay sober and hope that things conclude as early as possible from what I hope to be a good night at work. The new year starts at my parents' house with our traditional pork and sauerkraut dinner. The superstition is that you eat poor on the first day of the year, prosper throughout the year.

I gave up making New Year's resolutions many years ago - but I do like to assess things this time of the year. On my own journey I want to do the following things - and I hesitate to call them resolutions, because I think of these things throughout the year. That being said, here's what I want from this new year:

To continue eating healthier:

No processed foods
Less sugar
More vegetables
More juicing
Drink more water
Drink less alcohol
Less meat

 continue to exercise
 read more
 be kinder to others
 be kinder to myself
 rid myself of toxic relationships
 be the best version of me I can

 ride more miles on my bicycle
 take better pictures
 improve my writing
 get things published & get paid for them
 break into the writing markets I feel I could do well in

 help others whenever possible
 be generous when I can be towards others
 nurture the good relationships that I have in my life
 downsize and purge this place of all the things I don't really need
 work at my creative best
 give something back and make a difference

...and lastly, to keep my attitude focused on being grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life as family and friends - and to notice more of the things that bring me joy and share as much of that as possible.

There you have it - these are ongoing things and not so much resolutions that only come around this time of the year. Every year at this time, I see a lot of people new at the gym - and I always wonder if they'll stick with it. It's always interesting to see all the new faces start dropping off. All I can say is that I hope that if you're joining a gym this time of the year, stick with it - because no matter how tough it is to get started taking better care of yourself, you're worth it.

Happy New Year everyone - please be safe if you're out and about tonight, and let's all make 2019 a better year for all of us. Peace, good people.

CRO

...and now there's a cat living here.

You read that correctly, there is indeed a cat living here now. It's not that I'm any less of a dog person, in fact over a year and a half after having to put my last dog down, I came pretty close to getting another dog this Summer. As it turns out, it was not to be. I was disappointed, but I ended up having faith that there will be another dog some day - when the time is right.

I was fine with this not being the time for another dog, and then a friend showed me a video of  another friend's kittens. I noticed this adorable little Siamese looking kitten tumbling off of a chair and my heart melted. Suddenly a cat seemed like a more peaceful entry/return to being a pet owner. Since I currently live in an apartment community, I've noticed that I have neighbors who have dogs that are rather unruly. To be honest, my last dog was a bit of a struggle - mind you I was fine with that, but I gave a lot of thought to how my dog was to my neighbors and people who don't like dogs. It seems a lot of dog owners don't do that - and a lot of them should. Alas, I can't fix the world of irresponsible pet owners.

The more I thought about this gorgeous and completely adorable kitten, the more it seemed like a cat would be a more peaceful solution to having a pet again. That's what I thought anyway...and I do think that will be the case - but not until some of this kitten's energy wears off a bit. A lot, actually. Oh it's a whole different vibe having a cat around here than it ever was with a dog:

For starters, I don't have to take the cat out first thing in the morning - or when I get home from work. That's good news. The bad news is, unless I stay on top of it, I have a box of...well, you know, in my utility room. You hear a thing or two about how cats can be trained to use a toilet - but having only one bathroom in my place, I opted to eliminate the possibility of having to wait in even a small line.

Another good thing about a cat is that there are no sudden fits of barking. Instead there's quite a bit of lurking. Cats fucking love the element of surprise and they can be stealthy little shits. There's a lot of aha moments - and often they're not especially calm ones (from here on out in this post, the part of my cat and her intended thoughts, will be played by italics:

A-ha!! There you are! I've found you - I bet you didn't know I was HERE!

No, no I didn't. Yup, there you are indeed. Did you want something?

Yes! I wanted to startle you for no real reason - I am HERE!

Yes, yes you are. Bravo. What's next?

Silence! You will know what's next when I decide it is time for you to know! THEN you will see what's next!

Oh. Okay - thanks for the heads up. Note to self: Get this little shit a collar with a bell on it so that I can have advance warning as to the whereabouts of this creature that now calls this place home. One of us has got to care whether or not she's underfoot and it doesn't appear to be her.

Holy shit! Get this thing off of me!

If only I could - sorry, you're gonna have to trust me here little cat, annoying as this bell collar is, it's going to do us both a lot of favors.

Nonsense! Remove it at once!

Sorry, no can do. Give it some time.

Time has eased the adjusting to having a bell around her neck - and it has, more often than not, alerted me to the presence of a kitten that is now twice the size of the tiny little bundle of fur that came to live here just a few weeks ago.  Trust me, she can still be pretty sneaky and stealthy.

Here I am! You are startled once again by my ability to sneak up on you!

Whatever.

Ha! I shall attack your feet for no reason at all...other than to prove to you that i am aware of all things in this dwelling!

Do what you must, I heard you this time.

You only heard because I wanted you to hear me!

Listen, whatever you need to tell yourself....

There are two things that make this kitten different than a Tiger or a Mountain Lion:

1) Size
2) Territory

...three things if I were to count her rather domestic markings, which are Siamese like and render her adorable. Yup, that's my cat - a fierce hunter. Her prey, at least thus far in our relationship, is limited to the things she can fuck up around this place - by knocking them over for no apparent reason and then looking at me as if she were doing me a favor:

There - I pushed that glass of water off the edge of the coffee table for you - YOU'RE WELCOME.

Yeah. I noticed. Thanks so much. Your logic is flawed - can you not do that again, please?

You sign up for these kinds of things. At the moment the very notion of a cat being a more peaceful method of pet ownership seems a ways off. I know the day will come, but it may not be any time soon. Meanwhile much of this little feline's actions are amusing - though sometimes it take a while for the amusement factor to settle in. I can say without hesitation, that dogs seem pretty far removed from Wolves in many of their actions - and appearances. Cats? Not so different from any of the bigger cats - it's often like they are creatures that were sized down, given different color markings and then placed in living rooms throughout the world.

Should we hunt differently than in the wild?

No - we do the same things, it's just that instead of climbing trees, rocks or mountain sides, we amble up the backs of sofas, leap onto counters and kitchen tables and go through spells of avoiding human contact. 

Me-OW - and get this: these humans put food in front of us, provide water and health care for us, and here's the best part: Elimination worries? So not our problem - this guy cleans it out of a box for me, hell I don't even have to bury it - I mean I do, of course - I'm a cat and I can't fall behind on my burying skills, but seriously - I could never bury another nugget of poop as long as I live and it just wouldn't make a difference..

Shut UP!

It's true - SWEAR.

It's that fierce hunter in her that has me shutting the bedroom door at night, because once the lights go out, the appeal of the jungle looms too large a temptation for her to ignore. By jungle I mean the top of my computer desk, on which there are speakers that need to be hunted down and knocked over. A picture of my late dog - which most definitely should not be left standing on an angle on display - it's my cat's feline duty to make sure this photograph gets knocked face down...at once. Let's not forget the various and sundry pencil jars of makers and ink pens - these should be on the floor, and preferably they'll be knocked over onto that floor once the guy who pays the bills around here keeping said cat in litter and food (that guy is me) has fallen asleep - how else would I notice what my cat has done for me than to have my bare feet step on these markers and pens before I've had a single sip of coffee. Now's a good time to point out that this is probably as uncomfortable and surprising as stepping on a Lego or other kids toy unsuspectingly. All I'm saying is, that can hurt. It ain't gonna kill you, but it can hurt.

So there you have it - things are different around here, because a cat lives here now.

The terminology between cats and their humans seems to be a lot different:

What I say: NO!

My cat's reply - or so it seems: whatever

NO! God________!

Lighten up, would you? Jeez you're loud sometimes

For all the rather unpleasant things I signed up for, it's the moments of joy in between these kinds of things that make the journey worthwhile. For the time being, it's a bit like having a foreign exchange student staying here - we're both used to different things. Carry on.

CRO

Life is Short

Many years ago, I was at work on what seemed to be a normal night behind the bar at The Inn at Turner's Mill. Given the events that would unfold that night, I can't recall if we were busy. I think it was just your average week night - and those can be very good nights sometimes. On this particular evening, it wasn't about sales or the money I'd make. Something very important - and sad, happened on that night.

I don't even remember the time, but I'd have to guess that it was around 7:30-8:00 in the evening. A gentleman came up to me and very calmly said words that I can still hear in this guy's voice to this day - and it's been over 23 years.

"I need you to call 911 right away - there's a gentleman having a heart attack at our table."

I probably took 5 steps towards the phone at the end of the bar. To this day I remember it feeling like those 5 steps took forever. 911 on a push button phone also seemed to take forever. I don't remember how many times the number rang, but it felt like too many. One seemed like too many. Time was suddenly being measured in split seconds, the tiniest fractions of time that I was completely aware of and needing to stretch them out into groups of minutes, long enough for this man to live. The whole series of events became a series of hand offs, with each person playing an important role, handing off to the next person, whose task was immediately more important than the one that came before it - because each time a new person had the next logical step in the sequence, they would now be acting in the only moment any of us had - the one we were currently in. The NOW.

Those fractions of seconds did seem to stretch, but not in the ways I wanted them to. Everything I did from my first step towards the phone felt like it was taking way too long, this was an emergency. It was life or death. When the dispatcher did pick up, I calmly told her where I was calling from and that it was an emergency, I had a gentleman having a heart attack in the middle of our dining room.

I know I spoke quickly and as calmly as I could, I do remember that. Then I remember the dispatcher asking what felt like way too many questions. "How old would you estimate the gentleman to be? Is he breathing? Does he appear discolored? Is he conscious?" - I don't remember specific questions, I just remember that I kept saying, "I don't know - he's halfway across the room from me and he's surrounded by people! Just get here!"

Hudson is a small, very New England like, affluent community. The restaurant was a little more than a small city block away from the police department. To this day it still feels like I was on the phone forever - but I wasn't. Nothing is forever, and I was probably on the phone for all of two minutes if I had to guess. I've had conversations with family & friends on the phone that lasted hours and flew by like seconds. When you realize that every split second counts, none of them are long enough.

The paramedics arrived quickly. Across the room I couldn't see much of what was going on. They did everything to try and bring this gentleman back, but he was gone. I have no idea how much time elapsed from the moment when I was told to call 911 and the time our guest passed away - right there in the dining room I made my living in. There were a handful of us working in the Tavern that night and all of us were now just numb. We stood there in shock trying to put ourselves back together after watching the paramedics cover a man up and take him out the front door.

None of us were the same after what had just happened in front of us. I knew that I acted quickly and calmly. But I still wondered. I knew that the dispatcher did her job perfectly. I still wondered. I knew I answered her questions as well as anyone standing in my vantage point could have. I wondered. I knew the paramedics got there quick. Wondered.

All of us in the room that night didn't have to say it, but we all knew the exact same thing. In that room that night, someone's earthly journey stopped. None of us were ready to think about something like that, even with all of us being adults. None of us knew the man - hell I didn't even see his face. Somehow we all decided to go out for a drink and just be there for one another.

The server who was waiting on the party of businessmen the deceased man was having dinner with, said that the guy had actually said moments earlier to his associates, that he'd had a very good life and he'd have no regrets if he were to die that very night. I think we all thought the guy would be okay, the paramedics would do their job and the guy would live, but that was not to be. Everyone did do their job perfectly that night - the dispatcher, the paramedics, the gentleman who came up to my bar and asked me to call 911 and me, in calling and giving the dispatcher the run down on the emergency we were in the midst of. I can't speak for anyone else, but I still wondered. I doubt that I was the only one who wondered if anything they'd noticed or done could've changed the unfortunate outcome of that evening.

We talked a bit at Kepner's after our shift. None of us were laughing nor were we in the mood to. We were barely in the mood for a cocktail, but we all just knew that we needed each other that night. And we were there for one another.

My point in sharing this story isn't to look back on a very unpleasant memory. My point is that all of us went to work that night, thinking it was just another night at work. The business party at the table that night probably thought this would be just another business dinner after a day's work. Not one of us gave any thought to the very real possibility that our night would take a turn like this one did. But it did. In the short span of a few minutes, minutes that seemed to take way too long to pass so that we could collectively get back to saving a man's life.

In that short span of minutes, all made up of seconds and split seconds, a life came to an end right before our eyes. It didn't take long at all - it just felt like it did when it was happening. And then he was gone. Nothing was certain up to that point until the moment this gentleman passed away. The rest of us stood there putting ourselves back together. Back to our uncertain lives. Did this gentleman have a family? Was he happy? Was he sick? Was he a nice guy to work with or for? Was he funny?
These were things that none of us knew - maybe the people he was having dinner with knew. But none of us in the room that night knew what was going to happen in the blink of an eye. And for all any of us knew that night, it could happen any time. Because it could. And here's the important thing:
It CAN. Seconds from now. Minutes. Hours from now. Days. Weeks from now, months. If we're lucky years - years that fly by, made up of the segments of time that seem longer the smaller they are. In every split second that leads up to being a year - or years, there are moments we're in. Right up to the time it's someone's last moment. It's the one we're in that is the only one we know we have. And that moment is the one we can't get back when the day comes that there won't be another. For the sake of those you love and yourself, live present in that moment, and in the groups of those moments that all of us take for granted - much more than any of us should.

In a short few minutes, a life came to an end. I have no idea how old the gentleman was. It didn't matter. Had he been 100, a life had come to an end. It had taken him untold years to get to this point. Longer than it had taken some people, and in less time than it had taken others. But now we sat there and all of us collectively realizing that life is too short. No matter how many things seem to take forever, the fact is, life is much too short.

So my message here is not to cast a sad shadow over anyone's day while they read this, but rather to inspire anyone who might do so to realize just how short this life can be - and to cover you with the hope that if you have people in your life that you love and appreciate, TELL THEM. Tell them now. Tell them often, and then tell them AGAIN, and mean it - don't just say it. Hug them, thank them for whatever they have meant to you on your own journey, but please, TELL THEM. Every one of us is but a phone call, a diagnosis, an accident or other tragedy away from a moment that can end one life and alter others forever. Speak. Act. Appreciate the people in your life that make a difference. Forgive. Love. Help. Laugh. Be thankful for any and every opportunity to take notice of people and make every effort to never let them wonder what they mean to you.

A few paragraphs back, I said we all needed one another that night, and we all knew that yet none of us had to say that. The fact of the matter is, we still all need one another and every one of us would do well to actually say that and act on it. Now, right now - don't ask for time when time doesn't belong to anyone to give, give of your time when you have the opportunity to do so, because none of us really know if we'll get the chance we'll wish we had when the opportunity isn't going to present itself again.

                                                 The trouble is, you think you have time.

                                                        

Peace, good people. Today.

CRO

Writing Through The Coffee, A Quick Cheat, & Some Juice

It's Thanksgiving week, my birthday/honest calendar week and I sit here writing the random thoughts in my mind while looking out my front window at the snow falling on a grey early Winter morning. If I were to let the grey overall dampen my mood, I'd be sunk before I even stepped out the door. On the pine tree directly across my very humble abode, the snow catching on the needles is beautiful. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was sitting out on the patio writing through the coffee, looking at my Sunflower plants and watching the birds.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I thought of myself more as a dog person, and now there's a cat living here - matter of fact, she's sleeping curled up behind the laptop I'm writing this post on. I give a lot of thought to how different having a cat is compared to owning a dog. The more thought I give to both experiences, the more I realize that one isn't any easier, nor any worse than the other - they're simply two different pet/owner experiences. The more people comment on my switch, the more it seems that many people only focus on one or two good - or not so good, points. I'm of the opinion that the deck is equally stacked. Both experiences add more joy to life than doing without either one of them.

Both animals are interesting creatures. It's been many years since I've had to play any role in being responsible for a cat. I guess you could say that all of this is rather new to me, but it's nothing unique in any way. So there's all this to enjoy...and a few things that maybe aren't so enjoyable that go along with signing up for pet ownership. If you're not an animal person, there's no sense in trying to explain any of it - the why it's all worth it, the joy it adds to a life...you either get it or you don't. It's all about what you focus on. More on that in another post, I need to motivate myself for a good workout today, then get a thing or two done around here before I go into work. This day will be what I chose to make of it, and I'm shooting for wonderful. Who cares what the weather is doing?

Winter in Northeast Ohio tends to bother people a lot - yet none of the weather in these parts comes as much of a surprise, and all of it has its own type of beauty. For as long as I've called this area home, to piss and moan about even the worst of the weather, doesn't make much sense to me. If it were to bother me that much, then perhaps I should move. Mind you I'm not talking about tornadoes or floods, just any notion that the changes in our weather is anything that I should let sour my moods and make less of any day - because our days are gifts. All of them, not just the sunny ones.

My coffee tastes exceptionally good this morning. I've made it a goal to eliminate most of the sugar in my daily life, but in the Winter months I find it rather difficult not to cave and cheat a bit more often - case in point, pumpkin donut holes. How bad can a few tiny morsels of a donut be? Seriously, I mean I've had two this morning while I made two different kinds of fruit/vegetable juice....one with sweet potatoes, golden beets, turmeric, carrots, celery, ginger and lemon, the other a green juice w/celery, kale, spinach, cucumber, ginger and jalapeño. I'll drink this stuff throughout the next couple of days and then I'll grind up more vegetables and drink them.

I just got a new recipe for a different juice that I want to try a couple of times a week - more on all this in another post too. My point is that I'm looking for the positive things on this cold, grey day - and they're everywhere, right in the middle of the grey and cold. Why give the cold or the grey any props? I know that in a few minutes, I'll venture out. I have a warm coat and hat to keep me warm, a car that has all wheel drive and heated seats, a gym less than two minutes away, the desire to exercise more all the time, the awareness and desire to eat healthier all the time.

All of these things and more, I'm grateful for - they exist despite the grey/unpleasant areas in my daily life. They're all good things, and things I've sought out. Sometimes it's chasing the good things down like a Cheetah chasing down a Gazelle - do you want something better? Or do you want to lay still and just hope it comes to you? There's a reason that Cheetahs can run 70 MPH when they need to - to get to the nourishment they need. Be the Cheetah, chase down the things that nourish your soul. Or don't - focus on the grey, the cold or the things that may suck, but they're out of your control. For me, those things will be there and I just need to deal with them as best I can. Metaphorically speaking, if I'm chasing down the things that nourish my soul, I usually run right past the things that suck and don't even notice them.

So I cheated and had a few bites of a donut this morning with my coffee. The vegetable juice will cancel out the moderate amounts of sugar I put into my system, the power smoothie that has a ton of good things in it - including oatmeal, will fuel the workout I'm about to leave for - and the workout will make me feel better about all that will come afterward on this cold, grey day. And I will look favorably upon this day. I know of people who are facing things that suck and they simply cannot get away from them, and while I can't make any of that go away for any of them, I can stop and think about all there is in my life to be grateful for - and know that in the blink of an eye, I'm any one of those people. So all I can do on this day, or any other really, is to pay attention to what I'm focusing on, and wish for others all the goodness that I wish for myself. And I need to remain grateful. Every week and the days it contains, made up of moments...well, that's the journey and I need to be grateful for the journey.

There you have it, my thoughts as I write through my coffee. I wish you all peace. Chase down the things that nourish your soul. Peace, good people.

CRO

Thanksgiving Week

On my 12th birthday, my friend Joe Halay was excited about his birthday - which falls the day after mine, would be on Thanksgiving. He said there would be birthday candles in the turkey. When I got home from school that day, I told my mom that I wanted candles in the turkey next year - when my birthday would fall on Thanksgiving Day. The math that I hadn't done will never allow for that to happen. My mother informed me that the closest I would ever come to my birthday falling on Thanksgiving, would be the day before or the day after. My bubble had burst. Damn.

How many years later - more than I like counting, and it's that same scenario. My birthday is the day before, Joe's is on Thanksgiving - and he's preparing the Capon that I have yet to convince my own family to cook for this holiday dinner. Small world problems. My birthday never falls on Thanksgiving, another year and I still don't get the Capon for dinner that my boss inspires me to want every year for the last 7 years.

None of those minor disappointments are anything to let get to me. I have had a lot of birthdays since that disappointing day when I learned about the third Thursday in November never being on my birthday. So what. I'll eat turkey and all the traditional things...at least the ones that I like of those offerings, with my family - and I'm glad to say I can do that, so what does it matter when we can all sit down for a nice meal together? There was once a time when we did that daily, and with more family members than I get to do these days. So let us eat, let us enjoy being at the table together - because this journey is too short on times when we get to do that.

A client asked me the other night if this birthday is a milestone - I guess in a typical sense of milestones, it's not - but it is one that carries a bit of weight to me. I'm thankful that I get to keep having birthdays, and doing so in good health. I don't feel my age, but I'm well aware of the fact that the calendar doesn't lie to me - or anyone else. Time is the river that keeps on flowing - never stopping, barely slowing and certainly never backing up for having missed anything along the way.

It's the along the way that we're responsible for making the most of. It's up to each one of us individually to live in these moments along the way - and I'm too often guilty of letting far too many of these moments pass me by. The unfortunate thing is that none of us are allowed to back track.

For years I've passed my former employer's farmhouse several times a week. I should point out that these employers were the parents behind a wonderful family that I worked with off and on for over ten years starting in 1991. When our time together started all those years ago, I had no idea that this would be employment that would be so meaningful - and to this very day, I say that I worked with these people rather than for them, because that's how they made me feel. I left my job with the Buchanan family a few times over the years to pursue other aspirations, they welcomed me back a few times - without question, each time treating me as if I'd never left. If they were still in business, I'd still be with them.

My point in bringing this up is that for all the times I've passed by Ralph & Joan Buchanan's house, I've never done so without remembering that they always told me to stop by any time I did that. Once when I was driving by, Mr. B. (I could never bring myself to call him Ralph - nor call Mrs. B. by her first name (Joan) - I just had too much respect for them) was at the mailbox. I immediately slowed down so that I could wave to him and make sure he knew it was me. The next time I saw him in person he remarked that the next time I simply drove by and waved at him, without stopping to visit, that he would be flipping me the bird as I drove by. 

In the last two years, Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan have passed away. I still drive by their house several times a week, and every single time I do, I think of them and the wonderful memories I have of both of them. So many memories, all of which make me smile and warm my heart. Every single memory I have of those two makes me smile. Who gets to say that about people they worked for? How wonderful is that? Very, in my opinion. Very.

The difference in driving by their house now, hits me every time. I can't stop by now, and I want to - even just once. These are delightful people that I can no longer share a single moment with, and I never stopped to visit. They always told me to stop, and I know they meant it. Mr. B would've poured me a drink - or likely had me make us both one, and sit and talk for a bit. The house I never stopped at, to talk with people who made such an impact on my life, on my working life and in my life overall, aren't with us on this physical journey any more. The old farmhouse they called home isn't theirs now, having been sold  a few weeks back.

Now when I drive by the house, along with my wonderful memories of two amazing people whom I loved and who loved me, I'm flooded with the fact that I should've stopped by, once, more than once...and how it makes me sad that I no longer have the option. I let the finite amount of opportunities I had slip away until the day came when I don't have the option. Shame on me. None of the reasons why I didn't stop by any of the times I drove by their house, makes any sense to me now...I was too busy, I couldn't just stop by unannounced - really? I knew these people well enough to know that if they didn't want me to stop by and visit with them, they would've told me to simply hit my horn and wave. While there were times when I was busy and on my way to something, the reality is that most of the times I drove by that house, I could have stopped - even if just for a moment to say hello, and they would've loved it. I would've too - I loved every moment I was in their presence.

So my thought going into this birthday/Thanksgiving week, is to stop by when I see the chance. To call when I'm thinking of someone, to reach out - even if it's only on social media, to anyone a good memory pops up about, to notice these opportunities to connect and act on them. This journey is much too short and we owe it to one another to act on these moments with anyone we love - because there will come a time when we no longer have the chance to do that....and most of us will think back and wish we'd done so any of the times we had the chance.

My hope going into this week is that we all act on more of these precious, but finite opportunities to connect with those who mean something to us, now, while we still have the chance. Reach out to one another, good people, and let those you love know without a doubt that they're loved. Peace, and may we all have a great week. Much love.

CRO

A Grateful Sunday & an Honest Calendar

I'm normally off on Sundays - and I have this notion in my head that coffee never tastes better than it does on a Winter Sunday morning. Alas I'm done with the caffeine portion of the day, and on to better things. I try to spend a lot less time on any social media site these days. While the blue and white is good for keeping in touch with family & friends that are more spread out all the time, it just kinda sucks the life out of things. Lots of negative energy - although that's really easy enough to stay away from. I find myself shrugging it off. There's a real world out there to live in and that's where my energies are better placed - at least that's what I tell myself.

So it's a cold, grey Winter day - on the soggy side. I guess you could say the beauty of this day isn't obvious. These are the kinds of days when it's up to us to find the beauty - and it's out there, in here and all around me, regardless of whether or not the sun is shining. I just got off the phone with relatives and I feel fortunate to have them, let alone enjoying a bit of conversation with them. What if I ignored either of those facts? There will come a day when I'd give anything to have even fractions of the conversations I just had. And I did so with a roof over my head, heat, indoor plumbing and food on my table.

We're seconds away from the holiday season and every year I get a bit bothered by the fact that people from the Salvation Army stand in the entrance ways to stores - because it always feels like they should be there every day of the year. The days in between the holidays are just as important. We need one another just as much on those days, maybe even more. I strive to be a better version of myself, a kinder person, and more thankful - and it is my hope that I'm grateful for more than I ever take for granted. The fact of the matter is, I'm as human as anyone and I fail at things like this. For me , I just try to stay mindful.

I can always stop, even if only for a minute or two, and take notice of how there is always much more to be thankful for than there is for me to bitch about. Losing sight of that is only going to produce more things to piss and moan about. Sure, there are times when it doesn't seem like that's the case, but that's the stuff I need to push through, because there is always a lot to be thankful for - always. 

So I'll do my best to not pay mind to any of the small world problems that could easily take up space in my over thinking head - today, the day I'm in the midst of. The moment I'm in currently. Both of these things, the day and the moment, are gifts. Who's to say I'll have another? The man upstairs, that's who. This moment I'm in the middle of won't come again. I have wonderful people in my life, and one of the wonderful people in my life is an old friend who recently spoke about a cross country bicycle trip he took this Summer. On that trip, he said perhaps his biggest take away from the experience was in discovering that people are basically nice. Let that sink in, and if I were to have any trouble with letting that thought sink in, I can add my friend's closing line:

People are basically nice - and I endeavor to be one of them.

So there you have it, my thoughts as I write through the coffee, do a bit of self assessment on the things I may be worried about and the things that I owe it to myself to work on. People are basically nice. I endeavor to be nice. And grateful. Happy Thanksgiving week, y'all - I'm stealing another line that my friend said: I haven't felt my age for decades, certainly not this last one, but the Calendar is honest. Peace, good people.

CRO

Laughing Police Cars & Very Polite Bad Guys...an exercise in creative writing.

I came across this handful of ideas of things to write about - it was part of the packaging for some art supplies I bought.  There are ten ideas and as I write through the coffee on this beautiful, sunny but cool Sunday morning, I thought these ideas would be better than our negative political climate & get my overthinking mind off of the unpleasant things. So here's a little bit of those:

1. A family of laughing police cars: 

All was well in the small town city budget - 5 brand new police cruisers were delivered on a Tuesday morning. The cars were shiny, filled with the classic new car smell - which would go mostly unnoticed and unappreciated in a police car, but for the first time an officer gets behind the wheel. The likelihood of anyone riding in the back seat and remarking on the new car smell seemed non-existent - think about it, a guy being ushered into the back seat with his hands cuffed behind them, stopping for a second, "Hey...man, I love that new car smell"...see what I mean? Almost never happens.

Nonetheless, each officer who got behind the wheel of the new cruisers would briefly appreciate the new wheels, but it wouldn't last long. These were mechanical beasts of burden, outfitted with whistles and bells that all meant business, from the metal cage gate that separated the occupants of the backseat from the officer(s) in the front seats, to the radio, computer and firearm mounts, there was little in the way of comfort or luxury options.

In under a mile of driving the new cruisers, the new car thrill was gone. No one would utter the words, "New cruiser? NICE, I like it! Do you love it?" Never happens. So all was well, business as usual until a call came in for an accident across town calling for nearby units to respond. A quick flip of the siren switch, and suddenly the sound of laughter, loud and completely overwhelming. What the ....it was as if God himself was laughing at the citizens of Mayberry. What was so funny? There wasn't time to find out, all nearby units responding - and all of them wondering what was so funny about an accident they were en route to.

The responding officers weren't the only ones who wondered what was so funny to account for loud laughter overriding the sounds of city life. Every passer by on the sidewalks looked - what was so funny about a police car speeding through a traffic light with their lights flashing?

It would take a good a while before anyone figured it out. Three officers arrived on the scene of the accident, shut off their sirens and left their flashing lights on, quickly tending to things like calling for an ambulance, a tow truck and directing traffic around the scene of the accident. No one really noticed the laughter had stopped, no one gave thought to the fact that the company that manufactured sirens, also created laugh tracks for television shows - and someone at the factory had pulled off a major prank on a dare - your tax dollars hard at work.

2.  Very polite bad guys:

His manners would be his downfall - which was ironic, because he was the most pleasant and polite person to anyone he came across. Please and thank you. Excuse me. Would you mind..., pardon me, every pleasantry imaginable flowed off of his tongue towards every single person he came into contact with. It was absurd actually, almost like a polite version of Tourette Syndrome. Any of this may have passed being greatly appreciated, or completely unnoticed but for one fact: The man made his living robbing people at gunpoint.

He was so polite that sometimes more than half of his intended targets didn't take him seriously. How does one not take someone holding a gun on them seriously? Manners. This guy was so polite that most people assumed his gun couldn't possibly be loaded. It was. No one ever found that out the hard way, but his gun was indeed loaded. Hard to explain, I know...but here, here's an account of one such scenario, we have a perfect subject for a target. A flawlessly dressed businessman, nice suit, getting out of a Mercedes sedan, his Rolex easily spotted. All visible signs pointing to a man with a wallet that might just make his day, if the owner of said wallet would only be kind enough to hand it over...

Kind enough to hand it over? I know, simple thief with a gun logic would dictate along the lines of, "Look, GIVE me your wallet voluntarily, or I shoot your ass and TAKE it!" - the problem was, Larry the Bad Guy was blessed and cursed with impeccable manners. Crime and manners don't exactly go hand in hand:

Larry: Excuse me, Sir...Good morning, may I please have your wallet, your cell phone and that Rolex? As you can see, I have a loaded gun and I'd hate to have to use it, so if you don't mind...

Target: (smiles & laughs a little bit) You're kidding right? My partner set me up...where's the camera??

Larry: Oh, no...no one set you up, I can assure you! I'm not kidding at all, and listen, I really don't want to take up too much of your time and I have to be moving on, as I mentioned, I have this loaded gun (gestures toward the loaded pistol in his hand...

Target: Very funny, who put you up to this? This is hilarious - you're getting all this on camera, right?

Larry: No, please...just hear me out, there's actually nothing funny here, my gun is loaded, there's no camera - oh God, No - that would be awful, anyway, please - if it's not too much trouble, give me your wallet and your watch - never mind the cell phone. (fires off a shot into his intended victim's car tire)

Target: Jeezus! This isn't funny - enough already!

Larry: I'm sorry I had to do that, but I'm really not kidding and I'd hate to have to hurt you, please...your wallet and your watch and I'll be on my way

Something like that - there's really no room for manners out on the streets if you're determined to live a life of crime. As you can imagine, Larry had chosen the wrong line of work.

...and there you have it. I was told to write off the top of my head, picking any source of inspiration I ran across and instructed to write and post it. And so, I did.

Monday Is A Day, & A Day is Still A Gift

A lot of people complain about Mondays. I guess it stems from the fact that most people have two days off for their weekend and it's back to the work week come Monday morning. In my line of work, it's rare that I have two days off in a row, and weekends are pretty much a foreign concept to me. No complaints though. As I get myself ready to start another work week, I could focus on any of the potentially negative things I have to deal with - or I could take a step back and realize that the best thing to do would be to change my own mindset and face such dragons head on. I'm a glass half full type of person - and I try to always look at the more favorable side of things - particularly those I can't control.

Right off the rip this week, I'm forced to deal with someone who carries a lot of negative energy in how they deal with others. I can't change anyone else's approach - but I don't need to let negative mindset people influence me - I don't want to hang out with negativity. It's a beast that needs fed and it's a mindset parasite in my humble opinion. Anything I could be facing that I'm not looking forward to on this Monday, is nothing compared to the battles that others are facing. So I've already dealt with some negative comments about some of the work I've done in the writing class I'm taking - the fact of the matter is, if I knew the ins and outs of a lot of this stuff, I wouldn't be taking the class. Bring it, I'll learn from it and come out better for it.

I ask myself regularly how I can be a better person - I need to be the best version of me that I can, and let others be whatever versions of themselves suits them best. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle I know nothing about. So I need to ask myself how can I be the best me? That means being the best employee I can be, the best coworker, the best friend, the best relative...and the roots of wanting and striving to be better need to spread out across everything that I have to do and want to do. I need to put my best effort into everything that I put any energy at all into doing - be it in my actions, and my thoughts, which are energy too.

On the work front, I'm fortunate to work for a guy who expects the best out of his employees because that's what he demands/expects out of himself. Again, why wouldn't you want to put your best efforts into your working day? Maybe the fact that in my line of work, days don't really matter so much. My 9 to 5 is not the typical one, and I think that helps in just looking at days as opportunities to do my best. Every day is a gift, and Mondays are still a gift. Any day of the week could potentially be a Monday for me, as any day could have any number of things that I'd rather not have to deal with - hell, I'd like to run away from a thing or two, but that's not gonna happen - so I stop wanting that. Whether I am fully aware of it or not, dealing with the things I sometimes wish I didn't have to is what makes the things I do like on this journey better. It's jumping over the hurdles that make for a great hurdler. I know, deep isn't it? Analogies help, trust me.

So yes, it's Monday and I'm forced to deal with a couple of unpleasant things on this day - some of that is because of someone else's negative outlook - all I can do is keep my own outlook favorable. I have people in my life who are facing very unpleasant things, things that would easily make any of the stuff I wish I didn't have to deal with today look like a walk in the park. I need to accept the fact that I have no control over how anyone else does things, I can't let anyone get to me and take on their negative mindset. So bring it, Monday...or any day. Because good, bad or indifferent, every day on this journey is a gift. Appreciation for any gift does wonders for the soul. So I'll be thankful on this day and do my absolute best to look at even the more difficult parts of this day as an opportunity to ask myself the honest question - how can I look at this and be better for it?

Another work week starts right now. Just so happens this is Monday, but Monday is a day, and every day is still a gift. Peace, good people. I hope this day starts your week off well.

CRO

Shift To Grateful

Post Election Day and I find it hard to believe our political climate - for numerous reasons. Rather than ramble on about any of that, I'll do what I've been making myself do when I have too much focus on something negative. That's especially important to me when whatever it is that I don't like happening is beyond my ability to change it. I'm not saying that it's always easy, but it's important.

The sense of division, racism and hatred looms large in this world of ours, and it troubles me that my own country seems to be feeding that like a stray animal all too well. We're all in this together and we should be more kind to one another. Anger isn't anyone's best look, and it's more than a little shocking to see what is coming out of the highest office in the land.

What can I do? What can any of us do? Obviously we can vote. We can do our own personal best to act towards our fellow man in the ways we should act towards one another. It's possible to be proud of who we are without the need to put anyone down for who they are. It's tough to watch much news today - another mass shooting, another volley of the same arguments and nothing changes. Nothing. Another shocking turn of events that I'm ashamed to say makes it look like too many people are cheering on the class bully and are proud of it. The thing is, it's not shocking - it's become the new normal.

So I'll remind myself that in my small world, I should focus on the multitude of things I have to be grateful for. Just stop for a minute and take in lungs full of clean, cool Autumn air and realize that there are people struggling for their last breath. Look at the beauty of the trees and take it in - splendor. I'm about to walk into a gym that I've been going to for nearly 8 years. Somehow I've managed to be my own motivation and stick with exercising - and I love what it's done for me. It's a never ending journey, and even on the days when I struggle the most, I always feel better walking out of the gym and carrying that over into the rest of my day. Some days it's hard to motivate my ass to get there, but it's always worth it. Always.

I have wonderful friends and family in my life - and all of them are worth being beyond grateful for. My hope is that I can be to them all that they are to me. I also need to take my appreciation and empathy for others to higher levels. I need to keep in mind that no small act of kindness is wasted and we shouldn't underestimate the impact such acts can have on anyone's day. Every one of us is fighting some kind of battle that no one else may know about. For me, it's important to give thought to what I'm putting out into this world. Am I making a favorable difference to others? Am I wishing them the same good things that I want in my own life? There's room for all of us, and life is hard enough sometimes, why should any of us make it harder than it has to be for anyone - including ourselves?!

So I'll breathe in gratitude on this Thursday, I have a roof over my head, I'm doing my best to keep the wolf at the door on the other side of it...and running in the opposite direction! I have food in my refrigerator, my health, my friends & family and the things that bring me joy. Things are much better despite  not being perfect - and the more I focus on how good things are, the better they become. Am I simply spewing a bunch of malarkey while I have my coffee and breakfast? Nah, it really feels better to think about good things than it does to dwell on what's not so good - today is a tough news day, I've taken in as much of it as I can, and now it's time to shift into grateful. The very fact that things aren't perfect is something to be grateful for - because it means I can think of good things to aspire to. Grateful on this Thursday - and I sincerely hope you are too. Peace, good people.

CRO

Across The Great Divide

I don't normally like to write about politics, particularly in today's climate. Rather than talk about my political views and the reasons I have them, it's the growing sense of strong division that both interests and troubles me. I often refer to this as a rabid sports fan mentality - it's the notion that one person or thing is better than another, the better one is number one, the lesser sucks and is everything bad. It's troubling how close minded people can be. Why is it too often that a strong opinion and a narrow mind are such good friends?

Sometimes it's tough to remain neutral, but neutral is a common ground area where we can live in peace - even if just for a moment. Gather up enough moments of peace and maybe, just maybe we can arrive at a peaceful way of life. We know enough by now, in this age of technology, that we should be celebrating our differences as human beings and learning from them, and from one another.

Today is Election Day, and I'm grateful to live in a country in which I have the freedom to speak up, to cast a vote and have a say in things. But the fact that I was born here and have lived here all of my life, does not automatically make me superior to anyone who was born somewhere else. I don't believe that genuine pride in something or someone, is a pass to claim I'm superior to anyone simply because I was born here. I also don't believe that simply because someone is different than I am, that they are inferior - we're one race: HUMAN. We're all in this together, we all need each other - now more than ever. The trouble is, we seem to get further and further away from the good we could be doing ourselves collectively - as a whole.

Humanity has allowed some horrific things to happen - not acts of God, acts of man. Mankind has done some terrible things to its own. We collectively get less inclined to try things that could work for the good of all of us, or at least more of us - and let's face it: some of us are seriously in need of all kinds of help. These problems we're facing are ours collectively, yet more and more, they get passed off to specific groups of people, the groups of people are put down and declared inferior. We're all on this ride together, this is our journey and what happens to any one of us, can - and does, happen to all of us. None of us are getting off of this ride alive.

We've reached a point where we assume because of any political party, because of anything we disagree upon, and it costs us more by the minute. Wars are not sporting events - no one wins. Maybe I'm being too vague here - but I don't want to give thought to being on one side or another on this day. I know how I will be voting, and I know why. What I don't know, is how we can't collectively see the harm we're doing one another and why we get further away from taking care of ourselves, and more divided every day. More. Not less.

There isn't one of us on this planet who is always right - although I'm pretty sure my grandmother was always right. If she ever was wrong, it was never in front of me.  I believe we know enough to change things and fix things. I believe our environment shapes us, our opinions and beliefs - but I also believe that we each have a personal responsibility to examine our beliefs and opinions and alter them  if need be - as opposed to holding onto them simply because we've had them all, or most of our lives. Shouldn't we each consider the possibility that any given belief we have could be wrong, and that maybe there is another way we would do well to look at? Where did we get our belief system? How do we form our own opinions? If the source of my beliefs and opinions is flawed, then what does that say about those beliefs and opinions?  If any of them are hurting other human beings, or have the serious potential to do that, can they ultimately be good for me?

We're becoming much too good at lashing out at one another,  when we should be reaching out to one another. If you're reading this with the assumption that I'm saying my political beliefs and opinions are a certain way, you're missing the point - because it's not politics that I'm thinking so much of on this Election Day, but rather the growing division of us all. I love this country, but I don't think that realizing there are things that we should examine, revise and fix means I'm not patriotic. I also don't think being patriotic means to hold the opinion that anyone who isn't born here is inferior to anyone else simply by virtue of where they happen to have been born.

So I'm heading to the polls today - and I hope you are too. Never mind the boxes I'll check for the moment, never mind my spiritual beliefs - my concern is with a system that dictates one has to be one or another, and that any side - including the one I choose to stand on, is always better in every way. We need to examine and discuss more, to find our common ground. My heart is heavy when I think of some of the terrible things that hide behind a bible, a cross and yes, a flag. We're one race: Human. We need one another now, perhaps more than ever - and that's probably always been the case. My concern is that now we're heading towards a greater divide, one which pulls us apart - and stops us from being our collective best. Peace, good people.

CRO

You! Outta The Pool!

In my line of work, it's inevitable from time to time, that a guest will have too much to drink. They may have had a drink or two before they sit in front of me, they may be on medication that lessens their tolerance - or any number of variables that don't necessarily mean that they were over served by myself or one of my coworkers, but it's clear that they've had enough to drink. Very few people in their position ever take this news well, but the fact of the matter is that any establishment, the proprietors and staff can be held liable for a person's actions under the influence of alcohol. Not only am I looking out for myself and my employer, I also don't want to see any guest hurt themselves or someone else, nor do I want to play any part in someone getting killed. I also don't want to see anyone get in trouble - and let's face it: You've got to be careful with how much you drink if you're getting behind the wheel.

What most people fail to realize, is that the law in my state says that it is against the law to serve anyone I believe to be intoxicated. It doesn't say it's cool to keep serving them if they have a designated driver - or an Uber. From my standpoint, I don't want anyone getting hurt or getting in trouble on my watch. My approach at any hint of a problem has evolved over the years - and fortunately I work in an environment where people are not coming in specifically to drink, as much as they are to eat and drink.

I may notice someone appearing to be close to having had enough to drink. I always bring it to the attention of other bartenders, management and sometimes owners. Oftentimes I never actually have the problem that I have to anticipate us having, but my theory is to advise the powers that be in order to save anyone being blindsided and me having to hear something like, "Why weren't you watching this person? Couldn't you tell they'd had enough to drink?!"

My job is sales related, but I don't need the sales at the expense of anyone's safety, and my employer certainly doesn't either. When a guest has reached the point of no return, and by point of no return, I mean, they've had enough to drink and they aren't getting any more alcohol from us, things can get stressful pretty quickly. The worst thing a bartender can do at this point is to cop an attitude. Someone has to stay clear headed and on an even keel - and being sober while I'm at work makes my vantage point better than the guest's - or his friends who are trying to assure me that their pal is fine.

My job is a bit like being a lifeguard in moments like these: You! Outta the pool!

Guest Who's had a bit too much: But I can SWIM! And in the deep end! 

Me: No, no you can't. Let's get you over here on dry land, everything's fine - you just can't swim any more today...

Guest: But my friends are all swimming - I can swim! Can I go back in?? When can I go back in???

Me: Your friends seem fine, No...you can't go back in the water - not today.

Again, no one takes this well - at least not very often. Their judgement is clouded and they have no conception of the favor I'm trying to do them, which goes hand in hand with looking out for my employer's best interests here. In a scenario where no one gets hurt or God forbid, seriously injured or killed, it's still going to cost you thousands of dollars and some other serious consequences. You'd think that would matter at a time like this - and there's no way to walk things back to the bartender who cut you off once you get stopped. In a fog of alcohol - even a light one, this gets overlooked. Suddenly the bartender is being an asshole, so too might be the manager and the owners. While I've yet to experience, or hear of someone I know in this business being taken to court under such unfortunate circumstances, the reality is that it could easily happen. I don't want to offend anyone, but neither my employer, my coworkers or myself can have you getting hurt on my watch.

In my years behind the bar, I've had people in my face screaming at me for asking them to let me get them a ride home, take them myself, follow them home (and by the way, following someone home is only serving your own peace of mind - because I've seen a cop labor to put himself between the follower and the guy who shouldn't be driving, and it's not pretty.) and I know if they can't keep drinking at my bar, they will likely find somewhere else to drink. Fine - I can't do anything about your success rate at being someone else's problem, but I will be responsible when you're sitting in front of me.

Imagine you're out for an evening, at some point you've reached the point where you've had enough to drink. For the sake of the point(s) I'm trying to make here, let's say the last bartender cut you off. You probably didn't like it, but it's only a matter of degrees. By the time I cut you off, it's already too late for driving yourself home to be a good idea - you may very well get away with it, but that doesn't mean you should be driving. If you get stopped and arrested for driving under the influence, you can't roll back into could've/would've/should've land - now you're shouldn't have, had you known you would've and at some point you could've - but now it's too late. Hopefully no one got hurt or killed, but I guarantee it's gonna suck for quite awhile now. Even if you have enough money and influence to get yourself out of such things, I'd hope and pray you have the self-awareness to learn from this kind of mistake. The sad thing is, when it comes to substance abuse, too few people think like this until some serious consequences have been met with. Look, I'm Irish and I run a bar. I'm not by any means saying that I don't drink, or that I don't like to. I've had my own issues, but thankfully have had my own relationship with alcohol in a safer perspective - and I truly wish that for everyone. I can't stop you from getting to the point of being cut off most of the time - but I do pay close attention to how any guest is acting, how much they're drinking in my establishment and how I see it affecting them. I happen to work in an establishment that pours a good drink - but that doesn't mean we want you to get loaded. Guests who order doubles have always made me nervous - and they always will. They're basically telling me they want to get to buzzville and ignore the speed limit signs along the way. Think about it: You're asking me for  two drinks, before I've even made you one - I watch people who order doubles like they're going to steal something.

I have zero interest in getting anyone loaded as quickly as possible, or even at all - on the other hand, I have a passionate interest in playing part in giving people an enjoyable dining and socializing experience, and there's a difference between the two. I make my living pouring people drinks - so obviously I don't want to discourage anyone from drinking, I just want them to be smart about it. If you get refused service by me, or any other bartender, consider what we are trying to save you from - because we are trying to save you.

I love my line of work, I love dealing with customers who make me forget I'm even at work. I love being a favorable part of giving people a good dining out experience from start to finish. I love the food, I love the drink - all things in moderation. I'm thankful for the fact that it's not very often that I actually have to cut someone off, but it is a bit like being a lifeguard sometimes. You! Outta the pool!

Warm October Days, Seven Hellos in A Row

Today was my day off - and we've been having some August warm days this October, so I thought I'd get out on the bicycle for a few miles in Peninsula nice and early. Early didn't work out quite so well, but I was still going, nothing could stop me on a day like today. The good news is that during the week the Towpath parking lot is never at capacity, and even if it would be, there's no way the overflow lot would be full too.

I'm in love with the Cuyahoga Valley. I get excited just passing through Peninsula and I often go home from family functions at my sister's house in Medina the long way just so I can drive through Peninsula and up out of the valley. It's beautiful - and I'm grateful that we have such beauty so close at hand to enjoy.

I get to the lot at the Towpath entrance at 12:30. I thought I was going to leave less than five minutes later, having made short work of changing into my cycling shoes and getting the bike off the rack, setting the computer...then up rides this older couple. The first thing the woman says to me is, "Well that was a lovely ride, but now I need a nap - but it was so worth it!"

I ask her how far they rode and which direction - and then it becomes clear that they're not from around here because she's talking like they're visiting, which they were - on their way from Michigan to their Winter home in Florida. I spent the next 25 minutes talking with these delightful people about bicycling - and why I don't like to ride on the road. I could've easily stayed there talking with these people all afternoon, but it was time to get out there on the trails.

Regardless of whether I head North or South, it's always beautiful scenery. I opted to head North because there's a lot more sun on you for some very long stretches on the trail in that direction - and let's face it: We don't get a lot of near 90 degree days in October in these parts. North it was. On Sunday, the last day I rode prior to this afternoon, there were still a lot of turtles sunning themselves on the logs in the water that lines the right half of the trail. I saw one turtle today, and in the span of barely two days, Fall took some huge leaps forward with even more leaves off the trees. I know what's coming - and this year I'm more prepared (I hope) to push my riding well into the cooler months. Still, I'll take all the sunny and warm October days I can get!

Heading North on the trail the first thing to marvel at is the sound of the Cuyahoga River running over rocks not a quarter of a mile in. Sometimes I stop and listen for a few minutes, but the sound of that river running always makes me feel good. On the return trip it's a bit like riding past the finish line and hearing applause - at least that's what I tell myself.

I'm never certain how many miles I'll ride - I just stay out as long as I feel like it, particularly if I don't have anything pressing I need to get back to. Today I opted to keep my ride at just under 24 miles with a halfway point. On the way I passed a group of very young school kids - first or second graders I'm guessing. It's a little sad that the best example you see of trail ethic came from a group of school kids riding in perfect single file - and every one of these little kids gave me a cheerful hello as I rode past them. How could I not say hello back to every one of these kids? It was like a row of verbal high fives, and it was the high point of the first leg of my ride. If something like that doesn't make you smile and be glad you're alive and not sick, you may want to do the rest of us a favor and stay the hell home today!

When I reached my halfway point, it was time for a snack - nothing fancy, an apple and some nuts. When I stood up to gather my trash and get ready to mount up for my return ride, I saw a Bald Eagle - way up in the perfectly blue Autumn sky. No way I'd get anything close to a decent shot at a picture with my phone camera. Nothing to do but stand there and take it in. My goal is to get back down on the trails when it's early in the morning  - and take the good camera, because there was one morning this Summer when a Bald Eagle was just sitting in a tree in plain view across the river. I stood there for half an hour before he decided to leave - shortly after another one flew closer by. If I'd had the good camera with me, I'd have gotten some incredibly shots of one, if not both of those birds.

Onward, I'd decided that when I got back to Peninsula, I'd hit the Winking Lizard for a late lunch of wings - and a cold beer never tastes better to me than it does after ten or twenty miles on a bicycle. What I wasn't counting on, was a strong headwind that I rode into for a good seven miles. Nothing to do but press on through it, and it certainly could've been worse. I made relatively good time on the return leg of my ride and finally stopped in the art gallery at the Art Academy - I'm embarrassed to say that for all the times I've thought about going in, it's never happened until today. A retired woman was working and she was wonderful conversation, albeit in some rather unusual ways, as I looked around. I love walking through art galleries oftentimes as much as I like going to an Art museum, and today was one of those times.

My late lunch was great - although a bit less healthy than I've been eating these days, but cheat days are allowed...I hope. I made it to the bike shop in time to leave Fiona for some adjustments, grab some rack additions and get home in time to prep some veggies to juice, freeze the green bananas I bought and vacuum seal them, along with some stuff for work. All in all, a rather enjoyable and productive day off. I'm hearing that the temperatures are supposed to drop starting tomorrow - no complaints really, Fall is my favorite season no matter what it throws at us. I'm actually looking forward to riding on some cooler days, so Mother Nature can bring it. Nothing to see here good people, just a guy who's grateful for the things that bring joy to my life. I dunno what works for you, but for me...well, I'm gonna seek those things out and enjoy them - even if they aren't things that anyone else thinks are all that wonderful. Peace, good people - I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.

Zen & The Art of Bicycling...and umm...trail empathy/eitquette

Today is my day off. I anguished over wanting to put a few miles on the bicycle, or kayaking. I thought, ever so briefly, that I might do both - but that would kind of be like going to two amusement parks in the same day. Ain't nobody got time for that. Given that I've put a lot less miles on my bicycle this season than I would've thought by now, I opted for the bicycle.

I never really know how long I'll ride - particularly if I'm not really under time constraints, which I f'kn love by the way. I just head out and ride until I feel like it's a good time to head back. It's almost always considerably longer than I thought I would ride. The last couple times I've been out, my tendency to be a bit overzealous on the first leg of my ride - and by that I mean ride way too far, pick a halfway point to stop, hydrate, eat a little snack, see a man about a horse and head back to my car and call it a day, has been surprisingly pleasant. Twice this week, the halfway stop initially kills me. When you're moving, at least air is flowing - even on the corridors of the trail where it's full on sun, flat, boring and the pace just heats you up. But something kind of magical happened these last two times - I had quite a bit more in my tank! I guess it's a combination of all the exercise... and the dietary changes that are taking even me by surprise.

I've said for years that I could never be a vegetarian - and trust me good people, no one is more picky about eating vegetables than I am. I've also said for years that our bodies will tell us how we should be eating - it's up to us to listen. I dunno, all I can say is that now I find myself walking through the produce section at Heinen's and getting hungry. That's never happened before. My juicing has taken on new wings after falling off a bit until this Spring. I dunno, I had a couple of things going on, woke up with my feet hitting the floor one Saturday morning and said, "F'k it! I'll take control of what I can do something about, act on it and f'k the rest of the shit that is outside of the circle of things I can do anything about" - I told myself I would return to juicing and hit it hard every week. And hit it hard I have. I've never felt better - but I still have a ways to go.

This week especially, I've been eating almost no meat - and craving vegetables. So much so, that if my mother is reading this, I hope she's sitting down. I rode 23 miles on Monday, and towards the end of my ride, all I could think about was eating a ton of sautéed broccoli with garlic, olive oil and lemon juice over angel hair pasta. I'd have knocked anyone who stood between me and that dish down. Mind you, I love chicken, a good steak now and again, a good hamburger (why is it called that when there's no ham in it??) and rack of lamb...

This morning when I decided that the bicycle won out, I ate a great breakfast of hash browns, half an avocado, one fried egg...over medium, some grape tomatoes drizzled w/EVO, Himalayan salt and balsamic vinegar - and the homemade green Sriracha style sauce from last week. But for the egg, vegetarian. Who is this dude?? As I headed out this morning, getting a later start than I'd hoped for - particularly in this kind of heat, I put together a snack of half an avocado that I cut and squeezed fresh lime juice over, hoping that it prevented it from turning brown (it did) some almonds, cashews, an apple and some blueberries. I filled two water bottles with a mixture of Smart Water, Coconut water and some lime juice and salt.

I stopped at around eight miles in to eat the avocado and a bit of the other stuff. Damn it felt good out there today, even in the heat. As I stood there eating, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I've been starting to crave vegetables these last few days.  And then I did something totally out of character - even with my sudden love of vegetables:  I stripped off all of my cycling attire - jersey, bibb shorts, socks, helmet, shades, shoes...and ran around for like a quarter mile in the woods!! Not really - just f'kn with you, seeing if you're paying attention.

I have to say that no matter what has concerned me lately, I am grateful for so much. Right before I stopped to eat, I passed a man walking from the opposite direction. It was painfully obvious this poor man was sick - yet somehow it was also obvious that despite his being sick, he wanted to be out there in that valley. Then on my way back in, I cam upon two cyclists - one normal, nothing out of the ordinary...and the other guy was riding some kind of recumbent bike. I run across people doing that all the time - and who knows why they choose to go that route, but my guess is that they have some kind(s) of health/back issues that prevent them from riding a regular bicycle. As I started to give a loud, "On your LEFT!" and pass these guys, I noticed that the man in the recumbent bike was pedaling...with his arms and hands. I have to say, observing both of these guys really put things into perspective. It's important to be out there, moving, doing something, being in the moment and taking care of your body - no matter what state it's in.

I always find it interesting to observe fellow cyclists when I'm out and about - even if I'm driving in my car, but particularly when I'm on the trails and the towpath. It's a bit like that old Hanna-Barberra cartoon - some kind of racing plot, with various and sundry competitors vying for the top spot in some cross-country race. Some of the contestants looked the part - sleek cars, get ups...and others looked like they simply didn't belong anywhere near any kind of competitive driving. That's how it is out there - some people look the part, some people don't. My guess is that I'm somewhere in the middle here - but it doesn't matter. When I started getting back into cycling, I briefly thought that I might want to compete in Cyclocross racing. For what?? I mean, seriously, having passed the 40 mile marker...and the 50 (!), do I really want to compete in some intense bicycle racing and potentially break something? For what?? A f'kn trophy? No thanks - besides, I've got enough stuff that I need to jettison the f'k out of this place.

It's the trail etiquette these last two days that has been a tad bit disturbing. Things like two or three people not riding single file, but spread out for the width of the entire trail and not one of 'em dropping back until the last possible moment. Seriously?? I'm fine with close calls, and I'm glad to see other people out there enjoying the valley on a bicycle any way they choose to. Don't want to wear a helmet?  Don't. I do. Do I think it will save me from any kind of crash? Nope, but it has save me on at least two occasions, so I'm in. Don't want to wear cycling clothing? Don't. I do, but I'll be the first to admit that such attire only looks acceptable when you're on the bike. To me it's just more comfortable. What I'm not going to be okay with, is crashing and breaking something like, oh I dunno, a collarbone...or anything else, because of someone else's stupidity and lack of trail etiquette. As long as the calls are close and I get past it quickly, fine - I'm not freaking out about the 11 year old kid who yelled a polite, "My bad!" after barely getting out of the way in time. I'm over that too quickly and yards away - but I won't say that should something bad actually happen out there.

There's room for everyone out there, and I'm thankful to be alive and be able to do the things that I love - such as being surrounded by a late Summer sky in the Cuyahoga Valley. Peace good people - I hope your week is off to a great start.

CRO

A Long Work Week...& Grateful, another installment of Coffee Thoughts

I'm at the tail end of a long work week. Nonetheless, I'm grateful - I'd much rather be busy than wish I was busy. Mine is a very benevolent ego, but I do like it when my creative efforts go over well with our clientele, which has been happening a lot this week. I think it's important to take stock of all the efforts that bring people into the place I work in - and stay grateful for the people who come in.

While I wish that I didn't have to work tonight - not so much because of the work, but rather the beautiful Summer day that I'd like to enjoy more of, I'm grateful to work for the people I work for and the people I work with. I'll make all the other stuff fit in somewhere.

I'm liking the class I'm taking, but I need to discipline myself and buckle down more, as opposed to putting off assignments because I've come to count on the things that I can do well - I don't dread the assignments, I just tend to leave them until the eleventh hour a bit much. That one's on me.

The week has been filled with good workouts at the gym, my efforts to eat healthier and eliminate the foods that aren't good for me is really heading in the right direction and surprising me. I basically have two things that I know I should cut out from my diet, and they're both items that have too much sugar in them. I truly believe that we can, and should, do without much of the food that is bad for us in favor of something that's better for us. Incidentally, when I say we, I'm talking more about myself. I'm constantly amazed by how food trends seem so unhealthy for us all - and ours is a society that targets our weaknesses in flavor and taste. I can only make the calls for what I put into my body, and how I feel when I eat certain ways...

I started the whole juicing thing because I'm very picky about vegetables. I needed to find a better way to get more of the vegetables that are good for me into my body - and juicing has turned out to be a great way for me to do that...and I actually enjoy drinking many of the vegetables that I don't care for. I'll take it. This year I've made serious efforts to dial back the amount of fruits I use in juices and for most of my combinations, I have been leaving fruit out (but for a lemon or a lime) entirely and the difference has been amazing.

When I think of how I ate all through my 30's & 40's, not to mention how little exercise I got, it blows my mind. Could've, should've & would've. Who knows what would be different, and every step has brought me here - so better to arrive here at any point than to have continued on my journey banking on the fact that my job keeps me active and I've been a lanky dude my entire life. There comes a point in time where those things aren't enough on their own and I need to be doing more.

I know that our journeys are all a bit different, and I know that the only one I have any control over is my own, so I strive to be the best version of me that I can, and do away with saying things like, I'm doing pretty good for a guy my age - I mean, I've always been my age at any stage of this journey. Sometimes I feel a bit like a vintage car that needs some fixing up, other times I feel a bit like I did a decade or two ago...just a guy who wants to stay active and do things. Do is the key here. Less television, and less social media all the time - and the more I remember that, the more it makes perfect sense and the better my days. Boom. There you have it, my thoughts as I write through the coffee this morning. I'm off to tackle some homework, finish up some chores and enjoy some eggs with the homemade Sriracha sauce that I finished yesterday. If you've taken the time to read my coffee thoughts drivel, I hope you have a wonderful Sunday - stay grateful! Peace, good people!

CRO

Every. Single. Day.

So I started this writing class, taught by a prof I've taken another class from. Write every day, she says. That's not exactly foreign to me, though some days I struggle to write anything that might see the light of day, even if said light is just a post on this blog. My archives are filled with rough drafts of posts that never see the publish button because they bore the living daylights out of me. Things start out as a good idea and end up being piles of drivel. The word drivel always reminds me of Steve Martin's book, Pure Drivel. Ah, if only I could write half as well as Steve Martin does.

I press on for several reasons, not the least of which is that I've written for as long as I can remember. I've observed for at least as long as I've written and observational musings, particularly those that are humorous, are fascinating to me. There's a lot to be said for humorous behavior in humans - do I notice such things and remember them because I like to laugh at others, or do I simply like to laugh and I'll take it from any source that it may come from? Sometimes I rationalize it - the laughing at others, I mean, because I'm completely willing to laugh at my own behavior and be okay with others having a laugh at my expense. 

Human behavior is a curious thing. I'll admit that I often see humor in places where others refuse to even look for it - but that's not to say that there are places and times when it doesn't exist, and when it shouldn't. Then there are times when no one is looking for it and it shows up unannounced and refuses to let anyone present ignore it. Those are the times when it might be just what anyone in the room needs to add a bit of light to an otherwise dreadful situation.

So what's the point here? We'll see. Write every day, for the class and for myself. The two won't meet up here, but they will feed off of one another. So there you have it, writing every day. That in and of itself will get things going. Just write every day, says my professor. Every single day - even on the ones where you struggle to find the time, write.

And so, he did. I'm a firm believer in the creative power of ideas, and sometimes it takes a crappy idea to give way to a better one, maybe even a great one. So it all has to come out, even the drivel.

There you have my coffee thoughts - the homework I'm not about to share here, that'll end up in the class forum threads, where I can see what my classmates think about it. That's all the time I have for today, tune in tomorrow - and who knows, maybe I'll have something more meaningful to say...or at least more humorous. 

Peace, good people - here's to the start of a week that will hopeful bring great things to us all. Monday, off to get at it!

CRO

1 For 3 For The Birds

On this 4th of July morning, it looks as if I'm going to go one for three on my attempts to save a bird. One success, two goodbyes that take longer than I'd like. I know nature can be harsh and who am I to interfere...but sometimes I do. I'm a grown man, but I've always kind of over-humanized animals. I guess that's why I could never hunt.

On three different occasions, I've come across birds that were in need of help...or maybe I simply needed to walk away and not put so much thought into living creatures, or things like natural selection, but living creatures are magnificent beings and I share the same space with them - unless the living creature is a stink bug, in which case I will decide that living creature's fate.

Birds are a splendid fascination for me. So much variety, color and the ability to take to the skies at will. While there are other animals in nature that I'm much more fond of, I do like watching and photographing birds - and I have planted my garden with things specifically to draw birds for photo opportunities.  This is probably because some of my earliest memories of my grandparents are of them pointing out various birds that would come around. As a grown man, I find the variety of birds enjoyable to watch and now it reminds me of times around my grandparents.

Birds belong in the sky, on the trees and their freedom to alternate between the two is nice to watch.. I'm sitting here writing this on a morning and the sounds of different birds calling out is music to my ears. A few feet away from me, in a shoe box that I cut holes into to allow air into, is an injured young Dove that my neighbor pointed out to me yesterday morning.

At first glance, I thought this young bird was dead - but she wasn't. I didn't know exactly what to do, but I knew I couldn't just leave her there to fend for herself. She was still alive, she is still alive and to me, that means she has a chance. A chance to take to the sky if she wants or needs to, a chance to go from branch to branch, a chance to do what birds do - fly.

I don't know what happened to this little Dove - it appears as though her neck is broken. Yesterday when I found her, she could still fly a bit. I know this because she hopped out of the container I'd put her in and made a few valiant attempts at getting away from me. I'd hoped that she was merely stunned and would gather up her strength and fly away soon. I put her safely on a branch at eye level hoping that she would rest up and leave when she was ready. I'm a sap sometimes. I gave her the name Mercy - because I had mercy on her and wanted her to fly away. I guess I had too much mercy on her to simply walk away from her plight.

She wasn't having it. She flew down and landed a few yards away. I thought I should try again because I didn't feel that she'd be safe in her current state sitting on the ground. She seemed to get better at her attempts to get away from me, flying a few yards away with all the grace of an airplane that was quickly running out of fuel.

This morning I can't help but wonder if I should have just let her take enough short flights out of my sight, but I couldn't bring myself to do that because each landing left her looking worse off than the one before it. I quickly decided on this creature's behalf and maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe this was it for her. Why couldn't I accept that, no matter how cruel it seemed? Because birds should take to the air, whenever they want. Sometimes nature has other plans, plans beyond the scope of human understanding.

So this morning I sit here on my patio, a few feet away from a young Dove that apparently has a broken neck. Every time she stirs, my heart fills with hope that she'll get her strength back and fly off. There's even this tiny bit of hope that she'll return often out of gratitude for this human creature giving her a second chance. How f'kn Snow White of me.  None of that is according to the plans of nature. She's not improving, she's moving all she can - and that's not even enough to kick her survival adrenaline into gear enough for her to fly even a couple of feet away from this scary human creature. I don't have the old school farmer heart to man up and put her out of her misery, my heart wouldn't let me leave her where I saw her yesterday - I had to try. That's what I told myself.

The last time I tried to save a bird, I succeeded. It was a bird that had flown into the screen door and stunned itself with a thud. When I went outside to see what that sound was, here on the walkway was a bird, still a bit door struck. I no sooner noticed the bird when I saw Gizmo, my roommate's cat walking towards this bird with a look on his face that said, "Ooooh, this is my lucky day!"...Uh, no...not today, Giz. I scooped the bird up with a shovel and set him up on a tree branch so he could collect himself in safety. Half an hour later and he had flown off.

The first time I tried to save a bird, I'd come home on my lunch hour and as I was walking towards my apartment, I look down on the blacktop and see a featherless, pink baby bird with its eyes not even open yet. It's moving! To leave this little creature there would've killed it within an hour on the hot pavement that Summer day. I found a box to put the poor thing in, went inside and had my lunch, checked on this tiny bird, still moving and left for work. I told a coworker about it and he came over to look for a nest nearby that the bird may have fell out of. No such luck. I called several potential places that I thought surely would want me to bring the creature in so that it could be saved. None offered up any encouragement at all.

I cringe at the thought of how I went and bought worms, chopped them up and fed this poor thing over the next three days. I put it in a small Easter basket filled w/grass and hung the basket beneath the patio lighting sconce. Three days is what I bought this little thing - and on the fourth morning, the tiny pink bird was dead. Never to feather, never to fly.

Had I left this Dove to fend for herself, I doubt the cat that was so interested in her would've shown her much Mercy. I wonder what it is about me that makes me keep believing in miracles and second chances so long after most others stop. It's no use they'll tell me, and deep down I suppose I know they're right - but what if...keeps going through my head. What if she just needs more time to gather up her strength? What if there is something someone can do for her? This poor thing can't be comfortable in her current state. Is she more comfortable than letting a cat have at her? Poor thing can't seem to keep her head upright and I can see in those peaceful black Dove eyes of hers that she's fading. I can see that she doesn't really want to go, but resistance is growing more futile by the minute. Again, no farmer's logic in my heart - I'd do anything for this poor creature, but what I cannot do is put her out of her misery - and I can't do that because what I want to do is save her. And what I can't seem to accept this morning, is that there isn't anything that is going to do that. So what's a guy to do?

Some friends told me about a park that may take her - and if they can help her, they will. It's a long haul of a drive, and one that I hate to take if this bird won't be able to fly away, or more likely, they'll realize that hope has vanished and they will do for her what I cannot do. I could walk her over to the dumpster and metaphorically wash my hands of this cruel reality of nature - but my heart (foolish as it is) tells me to do something more compassionate, and to rationalize such actions. This is one of God's creatures. A creature that once had the ability to take to the sky at will. I am also one of God's creatures...and a creature that seems to lack the ability and desire to accept what hurts my heart a bit and to simply let this creature go. There are so many other birds that I will see fly on this Independence Day - but none of them do I want to see fly more than this young Dove. I've done all I can here, some would say more than I should. Flying is a beautiful ability to have - I don't have that ability, to fly, but for in spirit. Mercy, the Dove I happened upon yesterday morning, had that ability and all I wanted was for her to fly again.

There's a contrast here this week - earlier in the week I was fortunate to see a baby Downy Woodpecker take some of his first flights ever. He was terrified, but he actually was better at this new flying thing than even he realized - but he was still too scared to do much of it. He sat in branches crying out for his parents - and letting me get some nice photographs of him. I saw him once the next day and then he had gained enough confidence that I haven't seen him since. How awesome is that, to see a baby bird take some of its first flights? And days later, I saw this young Dove take her few last flights, fueled with adrenaline in a last push to survive. These weren't graceful flights, they were valiant attempts to get away from this big human creature that surely meant her harm - yet I took hope in every one of them. Lord, sometimes I just wish I were stronger. I'm sorry, little Mercy Dove.
Peace, good people.

CRO

Just Being Grateful

I wouldn't say my life is perfect - I don't know about anyone else's life, but I rather think that no one leads a perfect life. I'm not saying things might not appear to be perfect, or closer to perfection than I seem to get, but one never knows what's behind the scenes. What's the saying about everyone fighting some kind of battle we know nothing about? I may have grown up thinking my family was so much more dysfunctional than everyone else's family - there were times I felt that approaching my teenage years. The more into adulthood my journey gets, the more I realize that there are no perfect families with perfect lives - we're all on different journeys. Maybe we all have the same destination, but I believe the routes are our own individually. That's deep enough to get, lest I get off the subject of gratitude and just being grateful.

I'm not proud of all of the choices I've made on my journey - some of them were made when I should've known better, I'll admit it. But I own them and I blame no one else but myself. I don't exactly need - or want, to share those choices/decisions with anyone and everyone, but they're mine. I have close enough friends who know of some of my worst moments - and they're close enough to view those choices with at least a fraction of the regret that I have for them. I'm grateful for friends who still call me their friend with an even though moment or two.

Friends and family are what I'm most grateful for, but I have a side of the family that I favor over the other. Thankfully the good side of the family instilled the notion that family is everything. Then there's being thankful for some longstanding friendships that are an extension of my family. The brothers I never had via bloodlines, the sisters I have outside of bloodlines. Deep within my soul these are people that don't make me feel as old as I'm getting. I'm not sure how to explain that feeling, and I guess it's just because I have known them for most of my life.

Then there are the friends that I spent time briefly with, yet they made a mark so deep into my soul that knowing them a third or quarter of my life and only being in close proximity to them for a year or two, still makes them feel like people I've known most of my life. I have one such friend in that category - if you want to call it that, who I've seen twice in the last year, three times in the last 15 years. We talk on the phone several times a year - and now we text. Until last August, I hadn't seen this friend since '03. Nothing had changed about our conversation flow - we talked like we always had years ago when we worked together. Time has brought some changes to the table, but not to the bond of friendship.

I think friends who make marks like this in our lives are with us despite time, miles and other things that can distance to people - at least that's how it feels to me, and it's taken friends like I have to realize that....along with a few years that hopefully come with some wisdom. At any given moment, even on my worst of days, there are more things to be grateful for than I can count. If I can't count 'em all, I should at least recognize a few of them. We lose momentum when we let ourselves lose sight of the things we should be grateful for - at least I know I do. Who wants to lose momentum? Not me, that's for sure. Boom, there you have it - my thoughts on a beautiful Monday morning as I write through the coffee. If you're reading this, I hope you have a fantastic week. Peace, good people.

CRO