Spring...finally!

Spring seemed to get off to a slow and rather rough start this year. The weather couldn't make up its mind and we shifted from hopeful warm days back into cold, rain and sometimes more snow. I try not to let the weather dictate my moods, but I find that the older I get, the more difficult that can be. I think my late grandfather's hatred of the cold weather is being passed on to me! Maybe it's just that I don't embrace the cold weather of Winter in ways that I used to - skiing being but one of those ways. At any rate, I think I'd be fine with the weather doing one thing or the other. If it were to stay cold, then I could at least roll with that and chime in when someone said they couldn't wait for warmer days of Spring.

I love how the tiny bursts of Spring start to appear. The tulip bulbs by my mailbox spend the Fall and Winter months looking sad, trampled and pathetic. I always notice that and think back to when they appear in the Spring growing tall and rapidly with beautiful bursts of red and yellow. Of course they never stay long, but I always feel like they stay just long enough to let me appreciate them. They never overstay their welcome and they never leave too early. Love it.  In the Fall and Winter, I look at where they were blooming and standing tall and it never looks like they'll return in the Spring - but they always do. I find that very optimistic.

Then there's the two bushes right outside my door that bloom these light purple tissue-paper looking flowers - but again, not for very long. Those bushes look pretty miserable in the Winter months too. My dog lifts his leg and pees on them sometimes and when he does that I always try to stop him because I worry that if he does that too many times, the flowers won't come in the Spring. They always do - and it always makes me glad. They're out there in full bloom as I'm typing this - they look incredible this year!

I'm not up on my flowers - I know very few types by their names. I really just know I like noticing them and appreciating them for adding a burst of colorful visual effects. Maybe it's time I bought a field guide and started learning some names of more flowers...ya think?

Another thing that I love to see in the Spring, is how the green starts to appear on the trees so gradually. I love looking around at the trees when I'm driving to work and seeing the little green buds appearing scattered along the way - it always makes me feel good because I know what's coming.

I always feel philosophical and hopeful when Spring comes. It's like life itself waking up in a great mood in the morning. Yup. Springtime to me feels like life's morning on a day that is much larger than a mere 24 hours. Happy Spring  everyone!

A Slight Adaptation

Greetings! Some years back I was working at a place that was going to close for a month of renovations and scatter the staff to other restaurants within the company to enable us all to make our ends meet. All of this was going on when the movie version of how the Grinch stole Christmas was hitting the theaters, so I wrote a little piece about it and a friend recently asked about it - I thought I posted the piece here on the blog, guess I was wrong. Anyway, here it is per the friend's request:

How The Grinch Stole Gamekeeper’s Christmas

A Slight Adaptation By Christopher R. O’Hare

Every Who who worked at Gamekeeper’s liked food – a LOT…

But the Grinch, who lived beneath Gamekeeper’s in the depths of a very old floor…did NOT!

The Grinch hated Gamekeeper’s and their busy Christmas Season!  Now please don’t ask why.  No one quite knows the reason.

It could be because of the noises he heard overhead

Which he still couldn’t bear on the nights they seemed dead

Some say the reason for his constant bad mood

Was he just didn’t care for the Gamekeeper’s food

But this Christmas season he could stand no more

The noises! The smells…that would come through the floor

He sat well below and he heard every sound

Of the owners and servers and cooks running ‘round

He heard as they’d wash up their dishes, plates and their pans…

He heard when they washed off their Gamekeeper’s hands

And all of this water will drain through the floor

Because this old plumbing can’t take any more!

I’ve got to do something to keep people away

Both patrons and workers and it must be TODAY!

So the Grinch sat to think about what he would do

As he smelled the aroma of Gamekeeper’s stew

I’ve got it!  He said, as he sprang from the floor

I’ll close down the place and I’ll lock up the door!

That kitchen’s worn out the Grinch thought with no doubt

I’ll close for a month and take EVERYTHING out!

Now maybe I need just a month’s peace & quiet

And how would I know, unless I could try it?

I’ll come through the floor on January one

…and take every last bit of Gamekeeper’s fun!

I’ll take the barstools where they sit on their asses

They’ll have no more drinks, ‘cause I’ll take all their glasses!

I’ll take all the booze, I will don’t you know

Each and every last drop of GameSkeeper’s MERLOT

So he started to take all the things as he said

And he ripped from the walls every animal’s head!

He ran to the booths and yanked them both out

And he took every knickknack that hung in the trout!

He took all the tables, the lamps and the chairs

Why before he would leave he’d rip out the stairs!

He worked in a rage throwing things in his sack

No contractor knows when to put this stuff back!

He took all the coffee, the tea and the milk

And every last bit of the ostrich and elk!

Then once more around the whole place in a loop

There was not one drop left of Frida’s fresh soup!

Now the Grinch was certain they’d be back for no more

Why the Grinch even took out the Gamekeeper’s floor!

His Grinch sack was full and he struggled with it

Then Stephie-Lou Who yelled, “Hey, what’s all this shit?!”

The Grinch jumped back and was startled a bit

While Stephi-Lou said, “Answer me now you green piece of shit, you’ve got all our stuff, where ya goin’ with it??”

“Don’t lie to me now, it’s really no use – you’ve got all our stuff, even white chocolate mousse”

“And where will we work if we’re going to close?”…as she poked with the soda gun up Grinch’s nose

So the Grinch got his nerve and he thought up a lie

And he told it and looked Stephie-Lou Who in the eye

“Bartendress”, he said and he started to smile

“I promise you’ll only be closed for awhile”

“It’s just for one month then you know what I’ll do? I’ll bring EVERY Gamekeeper Who back…starting with YOU!”

As the Grinch spoke these words he patted her head

Stephie-Lou Who just frowned as she said

“Touch me ONE more time, and I swear you’ll be dead!”

And she yelled at the Grinch and she called him a liar

“I will not pour drinks at that place, Timberfire”

The Grinch just smiled his evil Grinch smile

And said “you can work at Bass Lake for awhile”

Now Stephie-Lou Who thought the Grinch was a fool

And convinced him to shell out five bucks for the pool

To win all this money you must guess the date

When the Whos will eat food from a Gamekeeper’s plate

Now the Grinch made a sneer as he heard of this bet

And he smiled as he thought of the money he’d get

“Who’s all in this pool…’cause betting, I LIKE…”

And Stephie-Lou Who smiled, “every Who who comes here – even Updike!”

We’ll open back up after all getting calls

The deer, elk and goat heads place back on the walls

The whole month of January looking so grim

Will give way to a full schedule of shifts done by Kim

Gamekeeper’s Who’s will be eating again

Denise and her volume will be cranked up to TEN!

The Grinch will sit down w/a cold glass of milk

And carve the first piece of the South Island Elk!

And the server Whos serving with smiles on their lips

All of them raking in Gamekeeper’s tips

And al the Who guests that will walk through the door

Will smile because Gamekeeper’s is open once more!

Odd...

Way back in October, I came home from work and got right to doing what I normally do as soon as I get home - I took my dog outside. Bentley knows that this is what we do within minutes of me getting home from work and it's not up for discussion. And so it was one October evening, I came home and took Bentley out for his short evening walk.

I didn't get but a few yards when I hear a guy's voice yell hey - which instantly started my dog barking. Seeing as how it was 11:00 at night, I wanted Bentley to stop with the barking. I turned and waved to the guy who yelled and continued on my way down the sidewalk. A few seconds later, the guy is yelling again and heading towards me, asking for help in very broken English. I notice he has a cell phone and a calling card. Bentley calms down and the guy moves a little closer to us and holds up the phone and the card:

"sorry...you can help me....Bosnia...phone - you understand yes?"

I think I understand - he wants some help with the calling card. At this point my dog is relatively calm & walks up to the guy sniffing, which is what dogs do. This suddenly freaks Bosnian Dude out - from the looks of things, almost as much as my dog sinking his chops into the dude's thigh would, because he yells and jumps back - as if the dog appeared out of nowhere to scare the B-Jeezus outta him. This starts another barking episode with my dog, and since it's after 11:00 PM, I want this to stop. I do my best to calm my dog down while trying to figure out why this guy seems to need my help.

Now is a good time to say that my middle-aged eyes can't exactly see the numbers on Bosnian Dude's calling card in the combination of moonlight and floodlight. It's also a good time to say that we end up going through the whole barking fits-calm-sniff-Bosnian Dude freak out thing about 5 more times before I finally tell Bosnian Dude that I'm going to have to take my dog in and come back if I'm going to help him. Things are about to get strange - though not as strange as I suspect Bosnian Dude would like them to get.

I tell B.D. that I'll take my dog home & return to see if I can help him.

Bosnian Dude: yes, my friend...you come my apartment. Understand?

Me - thinking: not sure I do understand - I mean the fact that you have the phone card
                          and a phone makes me a little suspicious of you being clueless here...

Me - talking: Yes, let me take my dog home and I will try to help you

As I walk back to my apartment with my dog, I don't feel great about going to this guy's apartment to help him figure out a phone card. Really? Nonetheless, I feel oddly obligated to try and help this guy - yet I feel a bit uneasy. I call a friend and tell her that if she hasn't heard  from me in an hour to call the police and tell them the apartment and building number that I'm going to visit. As you might imagine, this sounds at least a little troubling to her. I tell her not to worry and that I'll explain later.

I knock on the guy's door and I hear:

Bosnian Dude: yes, yes...come

I open the door and walk into a sparsely furnished apartment. Small television set, small table with two chairs and the whole place smells like an ashtray. My eyes quickly try to scan the room for signs of any of the following: rope, shovels, knives, ball gags, hoods, more rope, guns, blood stains, pornography of any kind - any of these things would be cause for alarm and send me right back out the door, but I'm also willing to burst straight through his living room window if my life depends on it. My guess is that it's best not to let him think I'm looking for any of those causes for alarm and I'm praying my lousy poker face won't tip him off.

B.D. : sit my friend, eees beer for yoo, my friend...yoo drink, yes?

At this point he shoves a tall can of Budweiser at me & repeats the above statement in rapid succession. I don't care for Budweiser and I care even less for my location. What's even worse, I'm having trouble looking around the room to plan my emergency exit should he whip out a rope....uh, or worse. F***nuts! Am I really going to have to dive through his front window all Starsky & Hutch-like? Something tells me that's a lot harder than it looks on television. Before I can scan the room again - and note that this is something I'm doing at every chance I get, he shoves a pack of smokes, and ashtray and a lighter at me:

B.D. : Eeees smoke for yoo, my friend - yes?

Me - thinking: oh wow...way to put my mind at ease...buddy, a tall, perhaps ruffied Bud and some smokes. I guess that makes you a gracious host, but truthfully I'm getting more and more creeped out by the second. No really - I am.

Me - talking : No thanks - I don't smoke...

I make my first attempt to address his phone difficulties, but before I can get anywhere, he interrupts me....

B.D. : yes, yes!...eees smoke for yoo, my friend!...smoke is for yoo!

Honestly, smoke is so not for me

Right before we go through the whole drink-eees-for-yoo/no thanks/smoke-eeees-for-yoo/no thanks thing again, as we would several times, B.D. points his thumb at his chest and says proudly:

B.D. : Feef-tee I YAM feef-TEE! yoo...are feef-TEE, no?

Me: yes...fifty one soon.

B.D. : oh...very sooory my friend

Me - thinking : Holy God am I ever afraid for my life right now - please God, please don't let this guy realize that I'm about to jump through his window, and please, please, please don't let him be able to outrun me. Now my mind goes into full-on comic book superhero self-talk....must...get phone...must jump....through...window.....must not.....let B.D. know I'm 'bout to leap through apartment window. Explain that to the manager....."oh the window? I had someone over the other night and was planning on tying them up and torturing them, but he must've seen it coming and he jumped out my window!"

All of this happened so quickly, but it seemed like it was slow motion. Finally I grab the calling card while quickly scanning the table top for weapons, ruffies, you know, stuff that would scare me. All I see are a bunch of numbers scribbled on pieces of paper. I take a bit of comfort in the fact that I don't see any bloodstains. B.D.'s cell phone is tiny - roughly the size of a pack of JuicyFruit gum. Barbie calls - says it's her cell phone and she wants it back. Ha.

B.D. tells me that his LED display is "not work - but phone, phone is work - my friend", and he does the whole "drink eees for yoo, yes, my friend/no thank you/smoke eees for yoo, yes, my friend/NO THANK YOU thing about six more times. I try to use his phone to call the access code on his calling card, all the while I'm wondering exactly why he needs help w/this - it can't be that someone just gave him both the phone and the card and he has no idea what to do with it. Several attempts and the phone just doesn't seem to be working, so I say as much - which adds a new response from B. D. :

B.D. : OH yes! My friend - phone eees work, yes! My friend - phone eees work - yoo understand Bosnia yes?

Me - thinking:  no, phone is not work, and I'm not sure I do understand Bosnia, but whatever dude - I just wanna help you with this phone dilemma and escape with my life...I mean, get home - alive.

At this point I've failed at no less than four attempts to dial the number on the calling card and suddenly, the guy takes the phone from my hand, turns it on and the keypad lights up as does its damaged LED screen. Really? You need my help for this? My ass you need my help buddy, but I don't want to trigger what I feel would surely be homicidal rage. I've got two options here - window, or help you with phone and then window. I'm hoping that helping you with your phone will buy me the time I need to burst through your window and flee to safety. Trust me folks, if you were in this walk-in ashtray of a lair, you'd have similar thoughts.

Two more attempts now that the phone is lit up. Five or six more of the drink, my friend...eees -drink for yoo/no thank you/smoke, my friend, smoke eeees for yooo/NO THANK YOU - and no, I'm not kidding. About four more of the phone-ees-work-my-friend thing too. Seriously. Finally I connect to the number and I hand him the phone and take my leave.

This whole incident happened back in October. A day or two after this all happened, the maintenance guys were installing blinds in my apartment and I told them about this. They laughed a bit, said I imitated B.D. perfectly and then proceeded to tell me that this guy is a bit strange. I would tend to agree. I never saw any more of the guy until two days ago - Sunday night, well actually it was the early hours of Monday morning - 12:15 AM to be exact. I hear a light knock on my door. The hell??? Most of my lights are out, not a television on, nor any music playing. I look through my blinds to see B.D. lightly knocking again, on my flippin' door at 12:15 in the AM. Bloody hell! As you might guess, this makes my dog bark. If I'm not mistaken, Bentley is saying "Creep! this guy's a creep - lemme bite him, can I huh, can I bite him? open the door and lemme at him!" - and the guy knocks again. Bentley ups his ante on the bark, I stand there struggling to quiet him down while wondering who the hell knocks on someone's door at such an hour - and I'm also thinking I'm going to hold Bentley by his collar, open the door and if the guy creeps me out, I'm going to turn him lose.

So I open the door, just when I think Bentley has made it all too clear as to how he feels about this intrusion, he ups his bark even more. B.D. waves this off. Again I'm wondering what this guy is doing on my doorstep at this hour. He holds up Barbie's phone again, and a handful of calling cards. Nice try, no dice pal. Really? Over five months and you still don't know how to use your own phone and the calling cards? Doubtful. Sorry folks, if this makes me seem unfriendly...then I guess I haven't done a very good job of illustrating just how odd this situation really was.

New Blog Picture/A Favorite Piece of Artwork.

One of my favorite pieces of artwork is a project that my younger sister, Kerrin, did in a high school art class. It's a 5 X 7 inch piece of copper that has enamel baked on it in an original color scheme/pattern. I've loved this piece since the first time Kerrin showed it to me. I'm not quite sure how this piece of artwork came to be in my possession - my guess is that somehow in the move my mother made to Dallas with my stepfather years back (they came back much sooner than they thought they would - thankfully) and Kerrin's marriage, me getting stuck cleaning out the household and deciding what to keep or get rid of and having no real storage solution for most of the stuff...

Some years back, Kerrin called me out on having this piece - said it was hers, which of course it is, and that I had to give it back. I said no. Despite my being a basically immature middle aged man now days, I do have enough maturity to realize I have no real right to keep this thing. Nonetheless, I've kept it with me and kept it safe for over 25 years now. It's even moved with me to other states and I can't honestly say how I managed not to lose it, but I'm glad that I didn't.

15 years ago I had a roommate/landlord who was a metal artist. I thought I would have him make some kind of minimal stand to make displaying this piece easier and that I would give it back to its rightful owner. I guess it was not to be. I recently scanned this piece and have been thinking that it would be nice to enlarge it and make a print that would look nice mounted and placed above a fireplace. I suppose that I'm not far from Kerrin asking me for what is rightfully hers to be returned. If I'm going to part with it, which does make me a bit sad - small as this thing actually is, I'd much rather part with it on those terms than any other way. There you have it - a bit of a back story about the current picture for my blog and and the sudden realization that this isn't actually one of my favorite pieces of artwork. It is my favorite piece of artwork. I'll (reluctantly) return it to you whenever you say sis - love you.