'Scuse me - you dropped something...a name.

It's always nice, he typed, knowing his words were dripping a steady deluge of sarcasm, when people drop names in the hopes of influence. As I sit here typing on this frigid afternoon, drinking Mexican hot chocolate, while my black bean chicken chili cooks, I see a post on the blue & white from a friend who also works in the business. It's a post about customers dropping names and hoping that doing so will turn things around 180 degrees. It usually doesn't work that way. I suppose you could say that most of us who work in the business aren't especially fond of such scare tactics - though personally, I find them rather amusing. I say that because it's a little bit funny, how they put down to words, just how much more important the dropper wants to show me, and John Q. Public (not his real name) just how much more important he or she is than any of the rest of us. Oh and I'm not one of those who could, easily, hide...

There was a running joke at one place I worked. People would drop the owner's name at the slightest hint of disappointment. The owner is a friend of mine (subtle name drop reference numero uno) and we often laughed about just how ridiculous it sounded it sounded when his name, Brad, was dropped. Maybe you had to be there, but name drops often go a bit like this:

John Q. Public: Do you have Walleye tonight?

Me - though it really could be anyone who works for Brad, but I might be slightly better at humorous observations: No sir, I'm sorry we do not have Walleye this evening - we do have a nice Copper River Salmon however...and that's really good.

J.Q.P. : No Walleye?? You're serious? I'm really hungry for Walleye - it was great the last time I had it here...

Me - thinking: Yessir - that Walleye dish you had the last time you were in kicked serious culinary ass...two months ago.

Me, speaking: I remember that - that WAS good. The Copper River Salmon looks even better, if you can imagine such a thing...

J.Q.P. : Yeah...my wife and I hate Salmon...we're both more Walleye people. 

At this point, J.Q.P. looks at his wife, and they started acting like I can't hear them talking about me, the fact that we don't have Walleye this evening, and Brad, the owner - who is also my boss, and my friend, and, as it turns out, is not in the house on this particular evening. Here are the first few things that are highly amusing to a sarcastic smart ass like myself:

a) The way they're talking, it appears as though they think I don't even know who Brad is. 
b) They're also speaking like I'm not standing less than two feet away from them, or possibly there is a soundproof acrylic barrier between us that is not unlike those found in limousines, which prevents me from hearing any of what they're saying - there isn't.
c) They're also talking like I'll sure as hell find some Walleye for them now that they're throwing Brad's name around and they've shown me that they know him. Never mind the fact that there isn't any Walleye in the house, and again, there's no Brad in the house - but that doesn't mean I misbehave when Brad, the owner, my boss and my friend, isn't around.

J.Q.P. - to his wife, Mrs. J.Q.P. : He said they don't have any Walleye - I want Walleye, don't you? 
Mrs. J.Q.P. : Yes I want Walleye - that's the reason I wanted to come here, for Walleye...WHO said they don't have any Walleye?? Ask him if Brad's here - Brad will get some Walleye for us - I'm hungry!
J.Q.P. : The bartender said they don't have it, I'm gonna ask if I can talk to Brad - I'll ask Brad about the Walleye...
Mrs. J.Q.P. : Ask him if you can speak to Brad - how would the bartender know if they even have Walleye? Just ask for Brad honey, ask for Brad...the bartender doesn't know...what's his name? We should mention this to Brad...ask him for his name, and then ask him to get Brad.

Brad, Brad, Brad. Blah, blah, blah. As it turns out, I know the owner, Brad, too. I suspect I know him better than you, but that's of no importance at the moment. It's also more than a little amusing how these people are trying to basically scare me into getting something that isn't available tonight.

Me, thinking: Um, for starters, I know we don't have Walleye tonight because I fucking work here and it's my job to know such things, so that's how I'd know. Secondly, I'm less than two feet away from you and you can't really think that you're invisible to me, but even if I were blind and worked here as a bartender because Brad, my boss, my friend AND the owner of this fine establishment, pulled some strings for me - much like the kind of strings you'd have me believe he'd pull for you, if he were here this evening and knowing how you both feel about fucking Walleye...but he's so not here tonight, we don't have Walleye, I'm not blind - so not only can I SEE you both talking about me as if I weren't here, I'm sure as hell not deaf and I can HEAR every word...since you're not exactly whispering.

Right about now is when I start to think that these people know Brad quite well, having been introduced to him once, in passing - perhaps in a busy shopping mall during the Holidays, by their babysitter's nephew's cousin's, neighbor's wife's son's friend's mother's neighbor's cousin's son - who was in English class with Brad's son - but they can't remember his name. (Subtle name drop, numero dos: Brad Jr)

I'm starting to realize that I actually know Brad much better than they do. There isn't an opportunity for me to mention two Grateful Dead shows I went to with Brad - neither of which did either of us have Walleye before, during or after - if memory serves me well.  I worked for him long enough that a lot of the people who know him, also know my name - and coincidentally, are usually the ones who don't even mention Brad or ask to speak to him because they usually know when he's around.

Me, speaking: Brad's not actually here tonight - he was earlier, but he's not here now. I'm sorry about not having the Walleye, but there's a lot of great things on the menu...
J. Q. P. , looking annoyed, shocked, but confident that, because he knows Brad, both he and his wife will have Walleye tonight: Brad's not HERE?...are you saying that you don't have Walleye AND Brad, the guy who owns this place, isn't here, in his own restaurant?
Me, thinking: Holy GOD am I ever in trouble NOW....this guy knows Brad...I wish I'd think before I opened my fairly well informed mouth sometimes, maybe I can get someone to cover me so I can run to the store and buy some Walleye...yessir, why didn't you SAY you knew Brad? That changes everything, and now, since you know BRAD, I'll pull two Walleye dinners outta my ass, which there's no way in HELL I'd do for any other customer, but the ones who know BRAD. Stand back folks, I'm about to bust into cartwheels and other amazing things that only those who know BRAD get to see....you should've said SO!

Me, speaking: No sir, Brad is not here tonight, I'll be glad to give him a message for you if you like - and I'm sorry, but we don't have Walleye this evening...
J. Q.P. - whipping out his cell phone: Do you have his number? This is a new phone, so I don't have his number in here yet...honey, lemme see your phone, you have Brad's number in your phone? How do you spell his last name...?
Me, thinking: I knew it, I knew you didn't know Brad...at least not well.
Me, speaking: I don't, actually (I'm lying, but I get a hall pass to do so, because I'm not about to give Brad's home, or cell number to this guy - and I know Brad well enough to be confident that Brad, my boss, my friend and the owner of the place I work at, is probably okay with that - I mean, sure, I might have hell to pay for not coming up with some Walleye, but....)

Note: While similar in both the nature and actual occurrence of, in addition to the frequency of, the events depicted in this post are not actual events with real participants. Any similarities of said events and/or people experiencing such events, is purely coincidental and not meant to offend anyone.

Disclaimers aside, I can often do magic. You know the owner? Why didn't you say so? Voila! Two Walleye dinners, just the way you like them....when you had 'em last..................two months ago. I'm sorry, but I don't have a table for 12 available right now....what's that? You know the owner? Well now, that changes everything...right this way folks. Thank you very much! I'm here all week - try the veal - it's superb...unfortunately I've run out of the Walleye....unless....well, you know Brad.

Heartwarming

Saturday was an off day for me. I felt groggy most of the day and more than a little overwhelmed by damn near everything. I dunno, just wasn't feeling it that day - which isn't like me. In the eleventh hour, and at the 59th minute thereof, I bailed on lunch with two old friends. Also not at all like me - particularly since the two guys I was supposed to have lunch with are part of a group that is always a ton of laughs - always. 

I skipped the gym, had lunch and got ready - still not feeling it. As I drove into work, I gave serious thought to telling my manager that I really wasn't feeling all that well and if there was any way one of my coworkers could cover me back there, I'd take the night off. None of this is like me. The thing about my job(s) is that the second I walk in the door, even my best mood always gets elevated to an even better one. Sometimes I don't even realize that, but it always happens.

I still wasn't feeling it. As I put my jacket in the liquor room, my manager comes in to get something and gives me a pleasant hello, asks how I'm doing. I tell him I'm feeling a little off today - not really sure why. He pleasantly replies that this is unacceptable - and I know he's right. I notice my mood start to shift when I see my coworker, who happens to be a guy I love working with. I notice two regular customers that are always there on Saturdays - and I notice they don't have their usual libations in front of them, but rather they've got glasses of white wine in front of them. Without even thinking about it, as I say hello, I remove my glasses and gesture that they must need cleaned - because it looks like they have the wrong drinks in front of them. I jokingly ask them if I'm seeing things:

Regulars: We wanted to wait until you got here - you make great Manhanttans - perfectly the way we like them.

In an instant, I notice practically every bit of fogginess/grogginess and whatever else was wrong with my mood/mindset that day, vanish and be overcome by feeling great. A few more passing jokes with my coworker, the regulars and two more people who sit at the bar and I'm overcome by the fact that I feel better now that I'm at work, and I can't flippin' believe that I gave serious thought to wanting to stay home.

It's important to note a couple of things here: a) I work in a sales-driven environment, and for tips no less...but crazy as it sounds, I go to great lengths not to think about those things - because it's people that make this gig as much fun as it is. There are any number of things that I should be doing while I'm at work, and if I just focus on doing my best at those things, the money takes care of itself. b) Holy God do I ever get to have fun while I'm at work.

I'm not gonna lie - I've been doing this for longer than I ever thought I would. I'm reasonably good at it, and yet for all the years I've been doing it, I don't feel like I know it all and I don't feel like I'm better at it than anyone else simply because of the fact that I've been doing it longer. My best can come automatically - but it doesn't always, and when it doesn't, I feel that it's my responsibility to chase it down and make it happen. My job doesn't owe me simply because I show up. I have to be there for my job just as I need it to be there for me. If I'm there, then I need to want to be - and I'm constantly amazed that I do.

What amazes me after all this time, is that it gets so much easier to find good things to focus on. Two things I try not to focus on when I'm at work: money and when I get to leave. Dwelling on either of those things, even minimally, bugs me. Of course I'm there to make money. I appreciate good tips just as much as the next person - but if I'm focusing on that and seeing dollar signs instead of people and how they might better enjoy their experience of dining out, then I'm doing it wrong. Lately even on the quieter nights, I can always look back and think of the laughs that fly around at my job(s) - always. Do I want a series of quiet nights that don't add up to much in the way of sales and ultimately money in my pocket? Of course not, but I can't allow myself to hold a grudge on a less than stellar night. If it really sucked, and mind you it almost never does, then it's over and I can move on. 

While this Saturday night was a bit quieter than I'd like, it was high on the enjoyment factor and it felt really good to be at work. I didn't feel so good when I realized that I left my glasses in the building at the end of the night - but then I thought that was no big whoop. I'd drive up and get them and have brunch. Did just that too. On either of the two ways I can drive into this job, both are spectacular in the Fall. Yesterday was a perfect Fall day to take a drive, listen to good music (which in this case, meant The Damnwells) with the sunroof open.

I get there and I'm overwhelmed by how good it feels to see a coworker that I have a running joke with about working with him once every four months. Then I see my boss, who smiles and nods my way. It feels like it's been all of twenty minutes since I was working with him. As I'm getting some coffee in me and thinking about my food, I realize it's one hell of a great day. As I'm finishing up my meal, I notice an elderly gentleman making his way to a table - very slowly. A few minutes later, after the guy has ordered a Bloody Mary, I notice him telling his server that he's actually going to have to leave as he's forgotten his wallet. Not five minutes later, I see my coworker walk up to the guy and tell him to sit still, he's going to have lunch on the house today. I can barely explain just how heartwarming it was to see my coworker deliver that statement to this old guy, and how good it makes me feel about the people I work for, and with.

A few minutes later and my coworker is back behind the bar with my boss joking that will be my coworker in 15 years. I look down at my boss and say, "That'll be me in twenty minutes - I don't have my wallet!" What hit me like a ton of bricks, is that moments like these happen a lot in my line of work. Not only that, but it's moments like these that make me feel better all the time about my line of work. I dated a woman once who said the following about my line of work:

"You have a meaningless job, Chris."

Really? My job is made up of moments like the one I just mentioned. A series of heartwarming moments that mean everything to me, and that I'm grateful to both witness and play even a small part in. On my worst days - and this is not even close to being one of those. For me, that makes my job anything but meaningless. I can't really take credit for the initial awareness of that fact - it was my friend Dianne who pointed this out to me, and with several examples that I've not exactly forgotten. Now it's been a few years since she showed me the light - and I look for it all the time, y'know, like it's my job - because it is. Peace!

X Marks the spot, KINDNESS & a yellow wristband gets tossed

I used to wear a yellow LiveStrong wristband on my right wrist to remind me of the people I know who were fighting cancer. As time goes on, I've realized that I really don't need a physical reminder that far too many people are fighting this horrible disease. I don't need a clever marketing gadget to remind me that I know people who have fought this disease, or that are fighting it now. I know people who have lost their fight - and my own life, as well as that of others, is considerably less joyful at the thought of such loss.

So instead of looking down at my wrist and taking a minute to consider what someone I care for is going through, and how many others that I don't know are going through, I can - and should look up, up into the real, moving world that is life going on all around me. That movement all around me is something that is filled with examples of others that are any number of things well worth giving thought to and realizing that life is many things, often all at once; Amazing, blessed, cold, delightful, empathetic, frightening, glorious, heavenly, intense, justified, kind, loving, magnificent, new, old, plentiful, quick, real, satisfying,unfair,vicious, wonderful, xylophone....huh? Wait a minute - what the...??? Chill, good people, there aren't many words that start with the letter X - most of 'em are names of chemicals and/or ingredients, a lot of 'em are actually pronounced with a Z sound, so yeah...X marks the spot where I went off the road and put a flippin' xylophone to mark my place. Deal with it...

Moving on...yang, and lastly, zoom...no, not the Mazda slogan, more like zoom because life has a way of speeding up when we ourselves tend to slow down. Moments can seem to last forever, but the reality of it is that they're gone in the blink of an eye.

Today is my day off. Not even a cup in and I started my morning by watching a video of the TED talk that my friend, Angelo Merendino gave earlier this month in Utah.( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeT221skphw&feature=share) In the nearly twenty years since I met Angelo, the things that always come to mind whenever I've been around him and whenever I think of him, are any and all of the following: perhaps the most charming and heartwarming enthusiasm I've ever seen in anyone. A smile that lights up rooms, kindness that pours out of him and lights up and warms lives - just by merely standing by him. More than anything, kindness. And kindness is inspiring from anyone, particularly someone as kind as I know Angelo is.

So kindness is what I'll try to carry with me today. I've got tons of stuff to do that I can't put off any longer, and simply writing my thoughts going into this day is procrastinating on some chores that I'm dreading. But stopping to think for a bit on how this, like any other day, is a day where I shouldn't complain a bit. There are people out there who are battling things I can't even fathom, there are people in my life who are battling things that I feel helpless to help with at all, other than to just say that they're in my thoughts and that I'd do more, if I only knew what more was and how to budget my time better to accommodate such things and not be so self-involved. In that regard, I guess I'm a work in progress.

I don't need the yellow wristband to think of others. I didn't take it off because Lance Armstrong came clean about his use of performance enhancing drugs. To say that's cheating when in today's world we're constantly being told that we should use pharmaceutical products for a multitude of symptoms, seems more than a little ironic. While I've been told that Lance isn't the nicest guy out there, the dude battled cancer and won a grueling bicycle race more than once. He still had to pedal through the hills of France, it's not exactly like he hung onto the bumper of a car while no one was watching him and got to the finish line, nor is it like he was amped up enough to ride his bicycle across the ocean home to the states.

I'm of the opinion that far too little money actually goes to research and methods that cure things like cancer - and that every month should have the same objective as October and the shitstorm of marketing bullshit that pink ribbons are. Because it's time we examine closely what is being put in our food and how this awful disease is a multi-billion dollar source of revenue, because it sure looks like that's a golden egg that society wants the goose that laid it to live forever and lay more of.

I haven't forgotten about the people I know who are, or have battled cancer. I won't. I also have not forgotten that on this day, just as every day, there are people out there that are going through things that are far more unpleasant than anything I don't like about all I have to do on my one day off this week. My boss is saying goodbye to his father today, and here's me, overwhelmed with the ton of things that I've put off so long that I am obligated to the lot of them on my day off, and that bothers me. At the risk of rambling - and mind you that at least one person I know has publicly announced how they hate reading this blog, I'll just say that watching my dear friend Angelo's TED talk as I enjoyed my coffee this morning, inspired me to hope that my thoughts of kindness towards others are as powerful as I want, and need them to be. That I've been able to act on such thoughts in any way that has made a positive difference for anyone. That my thoughts towards what others are going through that is so much worse than my petty and self-involved things I'm attending to on this day, will find their way and make things more bearable for them today. Kindness and empathy, good people. Those are the thoughts I'm going to carry with me today. Peace.

An Apple...with baggage

As the coffee lifts the fog from my sarcastic mind this morning, I look outside and see the sun is shining, the last of Fall - which is, make no mistake about it, my season. The early snow will make what's left of the leaves disappear any minute. That's okay - the air on days like this is wonderful - makes one feel alive. Very alive. Yesterday was my day off, and it was great. Had a great workout at the gym, made a great dinner, watched a very informative movie. All good. I'm not even as sore today as I thought I'd be. Not only is today Hump day, it's also Macbook Pro day. Today is the day I get my used laptop. What self-respecting writer wouldn't want to have a laptop to sit in a Starbucks, making sure that a five dollar cup of coffee would be an enabler for my caustic and (hopefully) amusing...ah screw it, loitering. 

All kidding aside, I have no intention of visiting a Starbucks with my laptop in some trendy man purse...never say never, but I don't go to Starbucks in a pre-Macbook Pro world. Anyway, seeing as how my writing, and more specifically, this blog, have earned me about twenty cents less than the paper route I had as a kid, I'm on a budget - so I bought a used laptop.

As I wrote an email to a friend, it occurred to me that I bought an Apple with baggage perhaps. We all have baggage, it's just that the older I get, the less I wanna pay for extra carryon shit. Holy God, what if the dude I bought this laptop from has a bunch of disgusting, flat-out sick porn on it that is far beyond the normal hobby type stuff....that I've heard about? I mean, I don't wanna judge anyone - I'm just trying to get a Mac on a budget - so used doesn't seem like something I can't live with. Once you go Mac, you never go back.

Any minute now, a big brown truck is gonna drive up, just a few steps from my door. My dog will bark his fool head off. Up will walk a dude dressed in brown. He'll have a brown box for me and his every step closer to my front door will make my dog bark with increasing frequency and volume. I'll fail miserably in convincing him that it's cool, he can chill - though in the final seconds of the UPS dude's approach, I'll be completely irrational about convincing my dog to shut the f up. Be a tense few minutes - he'll bark until the big brown van is outta the parking lot, then a few more times spaced further apart just to let the dude know that he better keep driving. No, Bentley - I will not let you at him - you want he should pepper spray you? You're welcome, now silencio mi pero, silencio!

Fingers crossed that all is well with a used Apple. Holy God do I hope I didn't buy it from some total creep that put so much sick crap on there that even the Genius at the Genius Bar at my local Apple store is clueless to get rid of. How much would this suck:

Apple Store Genius/Clerk( Isn't Genius a bit of a stretch for minimum wage?): Hello, this is Trevor from the Genius Bar at the Apple store - just calling to let you know your laptop is ready for you to pick up.

Yippee. Off I go to the Apple store. As I get out of my car, I can't help but notice that there seems to be a commotion at the shopping center....hmmm....looks like there's something going on at the Apple store.. are those television cameras? I wonder if Blahsville is all the rage now and I'm about to be off the charts...hello AdSense billions...the closer I get to the actual Apple store, I can see that there is definitely something going on in the Apple store.

There's no place to hide in the Apple store. Hell, magical devices that pull all kinds of important data and numbers from your old phone onto your new one, numbers like checking accounts, Social Security, passwords, user names, all of that, just appear out of F'ing nowhere and into the hands of a smiling Apple store Genius - you don't even see it happen. My point? It's all right out in the open on the sales floor of the Apple store.

Hmmm...hey, what the fuck, no, what the actual fuck, is John Walsh doing on the sales floor at my local Apple store?? And with Feds?? No matter, long as I get my MacBook Pro with its freshly cleansed soul, back, I'll be on my way. Not into the heavy crowd scene at stores. Yup, it's me and I'm here to get my computer back. Next thing you know, as I'm standing at the counter all numb with the anticipation of getting the only computer for me at a savings of untold hundreds of dollars, I feel something around my wrist and hear a distinct clicking sound that even I, a guy who doesn't watch much television, recognize as the sound of handcuffs....sonofUHbitch! No, wait - I bought this thing used man, how the hell was I to know what the idiot I bought it from did to it/with it??? I only brought it here to get it cleaned and updated properly - you got the wrong dude, I swear!

Fingers crossed, coffee has now taken effect - let's hope this plays out the way I want it to.