Gifts

There are memories on this journey that make a soul feel immortal, timeless and seasoned. The memories stick, fade and change a little bit - or sometimes a lot. Let's face it: some of them aren't worth hanging on to, but the ones that are? Hang on for dear life, because those kinds of memories are life - or what gives meaning to our lives on this journey.

I have a dear friend who has had a rocky road - and maybe a heart as big as I know this friend's to be, is the only kind of heart that can make it through all he's been through. To pass through things that test every cell of your heart, emotions and every other aspect of life, and do so with the strength and grace this guy has done - and continues to do, is many things - not the least of which is inspiring. His message is simple, and he's certainly not the only person who has said this:

 EVERY DAY IS A GIFT.

Indeed. Actually, every fraction of time that makes up a day is also a gift. We walk by most of those, but if you give it some thought, anything and everything can change in a split second - that's all it takes for a gift to be a memory. In this age of all the technological advances, we are drawn further apart and living less in the moment while attempting to reach for something in the future. We're more connected by the convenience of electronic devices than we are as the souls that would do well to realize that we're all connected, we're all in this together.

We need to be more in the moment. We need to appreciate that if we're sitting across a table with family or friends, that moment is worth so much more than a text that we're getting on our phone. I grew up in a time when eating dinner with my family meant that no one took a phone call while we were eating. Look around any restaurant now, or any dinning room table in any home - the odds are that you'll see someone looking at their phone.

For what? What are you doing? Where are you now? When will you be done with whatever it is you're doing? Did you get my text? Why aren't you answering my text? Far too many people don't realize that while they're sitting there across the table from someone, they're sitting in a moment that could very easily not come again - ever. They're not giving the moment its due. Any number of things could prevent this moment from ever happening again, some of those things would fall under very unfortunate circumstances, some could simply be a fork in the road. The experience could be repeated at some point in the future - but that moment is one unique fraction of time, spent by unique individuals. Why have so many of us allowed ourselves to be more connected by electronic devices than we are when we're with someone?

Perhaps our biggest offense is thinking we have time. We don't really. I say that because time does a number of things on this journey: It moves. It stops for nothing, for no one. It never moves backwards - no matter how far we may look backwards. And time levels the playing field. One might think that with all of the technological advances in our lives, we'd be astute enough to focus on the fact that we're all connected and in this together. Yet there are more wars, there's more violence, less compassion, less empathy and we grow further apart. What's really disturbing about this is that we know better - at least we should, by now.

As I reflect on some of my own wonderful memories, I start to sketch out a goal - one that has many offshoots that also need to take root. That goal is to realize that every day, and the fractions of time that make up that day, is indeed a gift. Here are two links that I hope will help in putting that realization into play and appreciate our gifts. Peace, good people, Peace.

http://www.cleveland.com/popmusic/index.ssf/2013/06/cleveland_music_scene_rallies.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVH72spR

Underhanded Sales B.S.

To use a phrase from a Todd Rundgren tune, I hate my ISP. Evil empire m'r fk'rs. The main issue? They constantly offer up much better deals to new customers, yet existing customers aren't eligible. Can't get a better deal - not once you're locked into getting screwed. The deals that my ISP offer up to new customers are the candy the pedophile uses to get the kid into the van. Candy isn't good for very long. Once you're stuck in the van...well, y'know that's not such a good place to be.

What's equally bad, are the underhanded sales techniques that the competition uses. All kinds of disclaimers that lead to additional, one time fees - and all of this crap is strategically placed in the sales process. You're lured to a point by something so appealing that the likelihood of you turning back is minimal. Oh no, I've come too far to turn back now, so what's a few more conditions, expenses and/or terms? I mean if it's just a one time fee...

Pardon the drop here, but fuck that.

Imagine these kinds of tricks in a job interview - to make a long story short, I'll speed up the process by saying let's take it from you shaking hands and getting hired. All the preliminary screening, background checks, interviews etc, are done and you're being welcomed on board - you pick the place, the sneaky shit starts here:

Your new boss:  Everything looks great then, I look forward to seeing you on Monday. Welcome aboard...(shakes your hand, and as he does, you speak up...)

You:  Thank you so much, ok, about Monday... I'm going to need you to give me a list of say, half a dozen or so of my new coworkers who live within a ten to fifteen mile radius of me. I am going to need a ride to and from work...

Y.N.B. : Um...I...well, I guess I assumed you had transportation.

You: No big deal boss, small matter. This is easily solved - just put me in touch with a few of the people who live close to me, & we're good to go - I mean if there are more people in the office - that's great...
Y.N.B. : I wasn't aware that transportation to and from work would be an issue here...

You: and why would you be? I mean we've gone over your needs, my qualifications, salary expectations, and everything has lined up perfectly - a win/win here. I'm thrilled to be a part of the team, you've chosen to hire me - and I think we both know that's a great decision on your part, so kudos to you for that - I mean why would I waste either your time or mine talking about my getting to work here without even knowing a) that I'd want to work here or b) that you want me to work here - no sense in putting the cart before the horse here boss.

Y.N.B. : Look, how you get to and from work is your responsibility. If you don't have a car, you can ride the bus..

You: Um, yeah...here's the thing about taking the bus:  I can't burden myself with riding with strangers and possibly not getting a seat for most of the way in - or home, public transportation just won't work for me - I mean, for God's sake, what bus driver is going to have enough sense of priorities for me to get here comfortably and on time? No, I'm afraid the bus is not an opti....

Y.N.B. : Look, it's just not my responsibility to get you here...

You: I agree with you - this is just a one-time thing I'm asking you to do, to put me in touch with a few of my new coworkers who might live close enough to me that I could come in with them...I mean, let's be honest - I'm the new guy, you can't expect me to know who my neighbors are yet, I mean it's not even my first day on the job!

Y.N.B. : I'm sorry, I didn't realize transportation was a problem for you. I don't think this is going to work out for either of us.

You: I assure you, transportation is not a problem at all - I have no problem riding into work with any one of my new coworkers and I look forward to meeting them. Of course this is going to work out - you've offered me a job and I've accepted the position. If that wasn't the case, we wouldn't even be talking - so clearly this is going to work out...look, I'm gonna be honest with you: I'm not a time waster - I don't like to mess around at work, time is money and company time is company money. Why don't we get down to business and let's get on to the introductions of those coworkers who live relatively close to me so that we can get the ball rolling?

Out the door folks - that's where you'd be in a scenario like this, and that's also what you'd wanna know if you're entering into a new ISP agreement - what are your costs out the door? Boom. Done. I'm in. Yup, I hate my ISP - and I might not feel that way if I didn't see them treating others better than they are willing to treat me. On a good note, this whole thing is but a tiny spec of a problem to solve at its worst, and there appear to be some options. Onward, let's cut the bullshit.

The negative Nelly & Norman Mindset - Part 1

From the moment she got out of bed, she was pissed - a force to be reckoned with and one that was best avoided at all cost. That fucking alarm clock. For starters, she had to make the coffee. She had to have the coffee. Can't handle being awake without my coffee. Don't fuck with me before I've had my coffee - a warning issued by her several times a day, several times a week. This in and of itself created a bigger window of time and opportunity for her to hang on to the pissed off and put upon moods she seemed to favor. She had to do more things than she got to do - and the having to do was bad, very bad. It burdened her with the responsibility of complaining about the things she had to do, and there were always too many of those.  This kind of mindset was something she would simultaneously bitch about and defend constantly. She didn't want to like herself - she wanted others to do it, and if they didn't, they were bad. Oh it wasn't her - it was circumstances, it was people. Anything, everything, anyone and everyone was the root of her short fuse of a mood. Anything and anyone but her.

Having to do more things almost always meant that there would consequently be fewer things that she got to do. Around the house. At work. For work. She always had to do more than she felt she got to do. Having to do things gave her the right to bitch about all the things that she had to do. It was more than a little ironic that many of the things she had to do, were things that she chose to do. Also ironic was the fact that once the choice was made to do something, she became more put upon and angry - at the person who asked her if she could do it, at the very thing itself.

The new task, again, chosen by her voluntarily, came with a plethora of things that contributed to her negative mindset - time, incidental needs, budget, another log on the fire of a martyr's life. The thing about martyrs is that they're not very honest - if they were, you'd hear something like this:

Martyr: Great - I just told so-and-so I would do such-and-such for them and I don't have the: ability/time/money to do it.
Normal Person/Friend/Relative: Hmmm...then perhaps you shouldn't do it.
Martyr: No, I have to do it - otherwise I wouldn't be able to complain about doing it.

Never happens in a martyr's world. Theirs is a contradiction at every turn - being put upon by all sorts of little things that life throws at them, yet wanting them. They go through shit tons of emotional acrobatics to defend hanging on to such negative mindsets too. This is why it's fun to mess with them sometimes.

You got to fight, for your right to party like that alright. Fight for it she did - and at nearly every turn. On the way to Starbucks, woe be to anyone who crossed her path. Even a simple good morning was likely to be met with a response like, "yeah - it might be once I get my double shot of espresso." - only she put an "x" in the word espresso, and swore she was right. She wasn't, of course, but no one of a normal mindset was keen on challenging her and opening up such a negative can of worms.

Yes, it was really that bad. It was as if you could drop a hundred dollar bill at her feet and she'd look down, pick it up and then be pissed off that now, on top of everything else this day was bound to dump on her, now she had to make a special trip to the bank. Shit. God. Damn. It. Really? All the crap I need to get done today, and you put a hundred dollars in my hand that now I have to fucking go to the bank to deposit and I still haven't had my coffee yet? Holy crap, someone just walked in front of me into Starbucks while I bent down to pick up the hundred dollar bill....

How does one argue with someone so hellbent on cultivating such a negative mindset? Any solution is met with opposition - and for what? It was as if she believed that if she let every little or big thing get to her, particularly the things she had no control over, that the world would stay out of her way.

Life, if she would only listen to it, was calling bullshit. Stop. One minute - look around. Listen. Breathe, for just a second, and pay attention to how it feels to have lungs full of air. You get to breathe - more than you have to breathe. You're put upon? What a load of bullshit - seriously.