Memories...

In a couple of days, it'll be two years since a dear friend left this earthly life for the other side. 2021 was a year that was bookended by the loss of two dear friends - both of which were friendships that went on for more years than I want to count. One for half of my life, one for most of my life. 2021 was the year after the pandemic - and the pandemic was the year everyone said they would give back if only they could. As much as the pandemic and all it created to alter our lives sucked,  I'd gladly take 2020 over 2021. So if I could give back a year, it would be '21.

2021 is the year that started with the passing of my dear friend Tom. We met quite a few years ago when both of us were tending bar at a dinner theater. Pretty much an instant brotherly connection on account of music - and humor. Tom would unknowingly become the older brother I never had. Tom was an encourager. Had it not been for him, I may not have pushed myself to give college a try. Had it not been for him, I may not have hung onto my desire to play music and I certainly wouldn't have been hipped to so much good music. And without Tom's friendship, my life would have had so much less laughter. And don't even get me started on the best advice, given calmly, knowingly & reasonably - advice that you couldn't help but listen to and take because of its delivery. Tom had a magical way of zeroing in on the important points in any given dilemma - often when I either didn't see it, or didn't want to see it.

Like any friendship - particularly one that exists for years with no end in sight, there were ups and downs, disagreements, laughter and tears. Loads of meaningful conversations - more of which made their mark than I could even think of. The memories of those come up, sometimes out of nowhere and other times they hit me because something makes me think of him in the current state of my day and whatever may be going on. Humor brings up a lot of my memories of Tom. I hope that never changes - and it was a massive component in our friendship. Like I said, humor and music. Everything is better with those two elements. Everything would be so much worse without either one of them.

Last week it was the humor that had me feeling like Tom was still here and taking part in what I thought was a very amusing segment on NPR. Without the boring details, I'll just say that the reporter's voice sounded hilarious and it didn't seem to go with the subject matter - crab fishing in Alaska and how it has been adversely affected by climate change. For starters, it reminded me of a pre-concert dinner. Our waiter had a similar voice. You had to be there, but some very amusing lines were spoken that night. Lots of yucks.

So last week on my way home from work, I'm listening to this segment & try as I may, I cannot stop being amused at this reporter's voice - and it was like I could feel the conversation and laughter that would take place were I riding in the car with Tom and hearing this. I could sense the sophomoric lines that we'd trade off every time one of us thought of something that hypothetically could be said - but wasn't. There would come a point where we'd have thought, 'Ok, enough - we've about covered all the ground we can here...' but then one of us would think of something else that we'd have to throw out there because we'd be pretty sure that it would crack the other up - and it almost always would.

This was so intense that I'm attributing it to Tom being there in the only way he could now - in my memories, in my knowing him over years of friendship. It was easy to see how he would've laughed at something I said, or him saying something that would open the floodgates of my laughter. Sometimes I think of Tom and I wonder what he would think of things - musical things, funny things and certainly political things. But on this particular day in my car, it really felt like I didn't have to wonder what he'd think, I swear I could feel it, sense it like he was actually in the car with me and we were on our way to or from a concert - one that he'd either convinced me to go to (Tom always knew when cool shows were coming up), or one that I'd convinced him to go to. Those invites, regardless of which side they would come from, were rarely declined. So yeah, humor and music brought us together - loads of memories that are filled with both. More to come on all that.

At the end of 2021, my dear old friend Paul left us. In under 30 days, we went from news that got worse by the day, to Paul being gone. I've known Paul for most of my life, having met him back in junior high - which I guess they call middle school now. Pffft...middle finger to that nonsense, it was f'n junior high then, it's junior high now as far as I'm concerned.

Humor - that was the big connection with Paul. Humor and the fact that we had similar events in our childhood that bonded us - but we didn't give much thought to that until we were both grown ass men who grew up enough to notice some of what bonded us. There would be a lot of that as the years went on. There were times when we wouldn't see each other, wouldn't have any contact at all for so many life events, but we were connected via mutual friendships - Paul, his brothers Pat and Matt, Jeff, Tony and myself. And then we'd reconnect in person and that friendship was still there, none the weaker for not seeing each other for God knows how long, but stronger for having existed for years. Do I still belong here in this meadow of friendship? Belong? We all made this meadow, hell yes, I belong here - and I need to never forget that. 

Paul was better at sports than I was. More than being due to natural athletics, Paul was better because he f'n just refused to give up - it just wasn't in his nature, ever. I may have learned most of the importance of cherishing long term friendships from Paul - because he kept friendships and nurtured them from his school days right into grown ass man adulthood and everything, good/bad/indifferent that came his way on the road of life. Every morning I drink my coffee out of a cup that Paul gave me some years ago. In a couple of days, we'll be at the second anniversary of him leaving us. This morning when I made coffee, I thought 'Good morning, brother' and then I realized it's been two years. I wasn't sad - until I got to this paragraph. I don't want to be sad today - I don't think Paul or Tom would want me to be sad. I wonder if they miss me even half as much as I miss them. Being the over thinker that I am, I wonder if I was half as good a friend to them as they were to me. I wonder if they know how much I miss them. I wonder if they know how much of what they gave to me over years of friendship is still with me.

I'm not much for cemeteries - not in terms of visiting any departed loved one. I've tried, there's just too much negative about a goodbye with that kind of depth that exists in cemeteries that to me, are the worst of memories. I have too many other memories that represent the person so much better for me - and those memories live in my heart, my soul - which is where the relationship lived all along. Memories like the ones I've barely alluded to in the paragraphs above. Trust me, I've kept those and I revisit them often.

I'm going to conjure up a few of those memories today, on this colder Fall day. I've shed a tear or two for both of these dearly departed friends on this day off - I miss them both immensely and I'd give anything to have a conversation with both of them. I got nothin' - but to say that both of their memories are very much alive in me. Guess it'll have to do for now. Time to get out and see what I can photograph of Fall. Peace, good people - cherish long term friendships, cherish family and especially cherish the friendships that turn friends into family. Cherish memories of all of those.

CRO 

Ordered: One BigASS Viking Knife. Boom.

 I caved. In the last 24 hours, I have fallen victim to one of the biggest ads on the blue and white - I ordered a big ass knife. It's hideous looking - like something a f'n viking would use for anything he wanted to use it for. Don't even tell me you haven't seen these ads, because they're like dog shit - they're everywhere. Watch just one of these ads and then watch how the blue and white peppers your news feed with more ads, for the same f'n knife. Screw all the friends and relatives in your news feed, at least on every other post you'll see. The rest of the posts will be for the hideous Viking knife from more manufacturers than Opie Taylor had freckles. That's a f'k of a lot.

Don't expect any help navigating through the vast sea of freckle ads from various companies all claiming their Viking knife is better at raping and pillaging its way through every single task that would normally require you to own a complete set of chef knives in its own roll-up protective satchel - or whatever the f'k you call the thing that chefs roll up their knives in at the end of a shift. I don't know what that thing is called - though in my defense, I've seen a line cook or two roll up their knives in hand towels & toss 'em in their backpack. The Viking knife I'm talking about here though, I don't think you'd want to do that with one of those, and make no mistake about it, you only need one of these knives. Trust me, if you've seen the video, this m'r f'r does everything. Every. Thing.

There is no job too small for this Viking knife - this f'n Viking knife!. There is no job too large either, so don't even Google it. Don't take my word for it - watch the video and see for your m'r f'n self. It's all filmed in glorious, buy me right the f'k now cinematography. All you gotta do is watch. Oh, just a heads up: you're gonna watch it more than once. Why? Because it's f'n cool. Not cool enough for you to buy your own BAVK (Big Ass Viking Knife), at least not the first few times you watch it. Probably take half a dozen times or so.

And the Lord said, on the seventh time, you shall covet your very own BAVK. Why? Because the Lord hath said so. Also, while you were watching the BAVK commercial for the seventh time, on the seventh day - which we all know is the Sabbath, a day of rest - so sayeth the Lord, look it up - unless biblical verses are something you'd rather not say because it's really too personal (which means you've never once read anything inside a bible - but let's not get political here)...anyway, you're watching the BAVK commercial again, one cup in and amazed. It's making you hungry. You're thinking about what you want to make for breakfast - only now, you want to make your breakfast outside in the snow, beside a flowing brook - not just any brook, but the one you thought "Wow...this is the perfect spot to build a campfire and make myself something to eat - right here by this brook, in a foot and a half of snow. Why the actual f'k do I have this uncontrollable urge to make myself breakfast outside in the snow? I'll tell you why. One reason: One knife.

Let me tell you a few things about this knife right off the rip - and mine hasn't even shipped yet. How do I know, you ask? Because I've seen the videos like twelve times now, so believe me - I know.

First off, this knife is big. Huge. It's also ugly - but so ugly that it's the most beautiful piece of cutlery you've ever laid eyes on, and you'll say this too after watching it slice and dice the following sequence of non-sensical items (all of which are staged to convince you that this knife will gladly handle anything you, your wife, kids, mother or pet monkey will want it to do.

1) Coconuts (none are actually consumed, they're just fun to slice up - shells and all)

2) Bananas. Right after the coconuts too. You wouldn't think it could....shut yer front door!

3) 5 lbs of beef tenderloin, frozen & still in the wrapper.

4) The bent fender from your uncles '79 Honda Goldwing

5) I know it's showing off, but use it to curl up the ends of ribbon on the presents your wife just finished wrapping for the kids - yeah, this knife can do that too.

How big is this BAVK? Big. The size of the blade looks like your dad pulled it off of the family station wagon from the back right quarter panel he was trying to Bondo. It looks that way, that ugly because the upper 3/4 of the metal on the blade doesn't appear to be ground/sanded down to the bare metal and almost looks like it has primer on it - don't worry, this isn't the part of the blade that will touch any of your meat and produce that you'll cut up with your very own BAVK. In all fairness, it does look like you could get tetanus from this knife, but as one can easily see in the video, it's harmless.  It's also not the part of the blade that you'll plunge tip first with a resounding THUNK/THUD into a nearby tree stump in between all your effortless chopping, dicing and scrapping. You may well be afraid, but your BAVK isn't.

If knives were school kids, your BAVK whooped the Ginsu's ass and took its lunch money every single day. It did so with more grace than a ballerina too. Over and over again. Look, I know all of this sounds too good to be true - and it is, at least for the first half a dozen times you see the video. On the seventh time though, which might take as many weeks - or months, you'll believe. Yes, you'll believe on that seventh viewing, you'll be hungry (AF) and you'll have this uncontrollable urge for the great outdoors to be where you'll make your next three meals out in, sans gloves - and you couldn't explain why to your wife if she had her own BAVK to your throat. If this doesn't scare - and thrill, the living B-JEEZUS outta you, consider the following:

Faceless, rugged outdoor dude (or dude-ette - although if she's a woman, she's got LeBron sized hands) just used the knife you're about to order for the following tasks without a rest:

1) Cut the stop sign at the end of his street off at the top of the metal post it was on. Why? Because it can.

2) Cut in half a quart container of grape tomatoes. No big whoop here, until you realize that the knife didn't move an inch - it was being held upside down, sharp edge facing the Heavens above - and the grape tomatoes were simply dropped on the the sharp edge from a height of - get this, a mere two inches. I know. Be careful, for the love of God.

3) Just for shits and giggles, while I go look for the half foot thick cut of beef that I'm going to slice into  SteakUm thin cuts to grill by the fire, why don't I just bury the tip end of this blade into the dirt at my feet. Speaking of feat, this is nothing to sneeze at since the ground is half frozen. Huh, in the commercial it looks soft as butter...

4) Pull said knife you just ordered out of semi-frozen ground and chiffonade 4 cups of fresh basil leaves - you read that right, just do it.

5) Now use the knife to cut the fat off of the side of beef before you cut it into tissue paper thin individual steaks - note that you would have a more difficult time removing a Post-It note off of your refrigerator door than you will separating the fat from the beef here - but only if you buy this knife. I know, right? That's why I did it. What. An. Amazing. F'n. Knife - also included: implied, lifelong knife skills - and without your very own scars.

6) Finally - last food item to prep with your new knife, and no, it's not the least bit cold outside in the snow as you make your breakfast with only two things: 1) your very own BAVK 2) the 9 pound, cast iron skillet you brought outside with you on your two mile hike to find a flowing brook: Shred up six cups of dark chocolate by whipping it on the blade of your new, nasty looking BAVK - don't be a pussy, hold the chocolate in your bare hand. When you're done w/the chocolate and you have a pile that looks like sprinkles for ice cream, thunk the knife blade, tip first into the nearest tree stump.

All of these things and more, can be seen in video proof on men with the pot dot com....although I may have happened upon this particular site hoping for something completely different. Nonetheless, I have ordered a knife so big that it looks like an entire sheet of drywall would be easier to maneuver than the delicate slicing and dicing this knife will do. Stay tuned folks - and I'm keeping all of my f'n fingers too.

CRO

Take A Picture...It'll Last Longer!

I suppose I've had a bit of a photography bug ever since I was a teenager. The first camera I bought was a Polaroid that took black and white instant photos. Photographs are all about capturing moments and sights that we notice, and I have fond memories of looking at slides on the wall of my grandparents' home - in the dark when we visited. I guess you could say that my love of stories and using pictures to tell them, along with sharing memories, started there.

That's also where I attribute my interest in birds and the wide variety of species that I find interesting to watch and photograph. My grandparents watched birds and pointed out different ones to me. Maybe my interest has grown because my grandparents aren't around anymore, and photographing birds seems to really keep me in touch with their spirits. I like to think they'd like seeing some of my photographs and it's as close as I can come to either of them pointing out an interesting bird to me - or my doing that for them.

The photography/camera bug became stronger because I started seeing things and thinking they would make for an interesting photograph. My stepfather is an avid photographer, having been at it for years and he's won several awards and even sold quite a few of his photographs. He's also been very encouraging in my own photography journey.

Birds aren't my favorite animals, but there is an incredibly wide variety of species that I find interesting to photograph, and let's face it - they're pretty much everywhere. I knew I wasn't long for being without a decent camera when I started seeing more things that I wanted to capture in photographs. I started out easy - I planted Sunflowers in the hopes of drawing Goldfinches and getting good photographs of them. They're not a bird that sticks around long if people get too close, but they're beautifully colored in bright yellows and black. I basically used my living room as a blind and got some great shots right out my front window.

Next there were Mexican Sunflowers that I discovered after planting them, draw Humming Birds and Monarch Butterflies - more great photo opportunities. This year has been a bit disappointing with birds being drawn to my plants. As we're heading into Fall, I've cut back a lot of the flowers and plants - though I'm not ready to give up seeing more of flowers and hoping they draw birds. That's all fine, but I also need to get out and take pictures of birds in the wild. I'm not sure why my own plants haven't drawn much in the way of birds this year, but with 433 species of birds in Ohio - according to a Google inquiry, I'd be lucky if I've seen 50, and lucky if I've gotten decent photographs of 20.

I've got a couple of friends who started down the road to photography after I did and they're getting great photographs out in the world away from their front door. This is inspiring. My stepfather once told me that he knows people who have been taking pictures for decades that don't have photographs like some of my better shots - but I think that thought lulled me into a false sense of confidence. I do have some good shots from early on, but I got them literally from my front door. I like to say that these photographs are a combination of luck and what I pay attention to - and they are. You've gotta be noticing in the first place and thinking about photo opportunities to begin with, that much is true - but I'm beginning to realize how much more there is if I look further and learn more.

Another thing I need to learn more about, is utilizing the capabilities of my equipment and using settings to my advantage - instead of letting the plethora of settings and capabilities intimidate me into just shooting on auto mode. Getting photographs seems more like collecting - and as my buddy, Mick once said, "I take a ton of photographs, a lot of them bad, but I keep shooting."

While it's not just birds that I want to photograph, I am getting borderline obsessed with photographing more varieties of birds. I've seen Bald Eagles on my cycling runs and I think back to when these magnificent birds were endangered and how I could very easily have never had a chance to see them at all.  On one ride a couple of Summers ago, I was across the river from an eagle just sitting on a branch. All I had was my iPhone to capture that opportunity - if I'd had my camera with me, I could've gotten great shots that morning. It's wonderful just to see something like this, but I like the thought of capturing a great photograph of things like this - it really will last longer.

1,000 Words of Summer - NUMERO OCHO!

Summer. Despite heat and humidity being two of my least favorite things to endure, they come with the season here in Northeast Ohio, and I'll be damned if I'll let either get the best of me enough to stop me from taking joy in the things that I love about Summer. Yesterday I finally got my ass on my bicycle for the first time since last November. I knew better than to head out for an epic ride of too many miles right off the rip after so long an absence. No matter how beautiful it is in the Cuyahoga Valley that I love riding in, I know I need to build up to bigger rides.

So I ended up with a ride that fell just shy of six miles and on a trail that had the perfect amount of hills to climb and descend, flats, shade and a bit of wind to battle on the return leg of the ride. All of this served to remind me of what my body should be doing several times a week on the regular. I knew there would be an adjustment period in getting back out there - today is a gym day, so no riding today. I'm pretty sure my legs and my arse are thankful. Weather permitting, I'll head out tomorrow morning and shoot for around 10-12 miles. I should be up to 10-30 miles by mid August. I'm a bit regretful that it's taken me this late in the season to get out there, but here's hoping for a nice Indian Summer around here and my riding in a lot of it.

Finally, one of my favorite things about Summer starts back up. These are the kinds of things that lift my spirit. In the last two months, there's been a few people and things that have chipped away at breaking my spirit. The things I can control, I will - and all I can do is not devote my energy, time and thoughts to things outside of my ability to control in anyway. Doesn't mean I can't coexist with such things, even if I can't eliminate them. I suppose the same could be said for any of the individuals who either intentionally or unintentionally try to break my spirit. To paraphrase Eric Cartman, Screw you guys, I'm tapping out of that bullshit.

I'm not someone who likes dwelling on negativity, and while it's not always easy to pull myself out of it at times, I'm done giving my energy, time & thoughts to anything or anyone that breaks my spirit. Life is just too short. I know what I bring to a given party and I'll toot my own horn when I know the tune. Again, life is just too short.

A year ago Facebook told me it was an old friend's birthday. I went to her page to wish her a happy birthday and realized we hadn't been in touch for a few months. What I hoped was that all was well with her and that the worries she'd mentioned during one of our last conversations, we now over with and her life was going better for her.

What I discovered when I went to her page to wish her a Happy Birthday, was that she'd been killed in a horrible automobile  accident and had been killed by the woman who hit her car. That woman was intoxicated, and she was killed as well. I must have stared at my computer for five minutes just frozen - and it felt like an entire week. I thought back to when our friendship began, back to how I enjoyed every conversation I was ever in with her   - no matter what the topic was. My friend. Someone's mother. Someone's wife. Someone's daughter. Gone. We all need friends in this journey, but who needs a mom, a wife and a daughter more than her family?

A year later and Facebook reminds me again that it's her birthday. Instantly I feel like I did on this day a year ago. I still can't believe she's gone. So yeah, life is too short for the people and things that would break, or take your spirit. My friend wouldn't want that. It's up to me not to have that. I hated this day a year ago for the news it brought to me. Not only was it horrible news, it was also a couple of months old by the time I learned of it. There was nothing I could do. I thought of the last time we spoke. I want to say it was an instant message volley about seeing Richard Thompson at The Kent Stage. It never came to be - I think because we both ended up getting busy. I wish it had come to be, because I saw RT with this friend and a couple of other dear friends back in my college days when he opened for REM at Public Hall. I don't recall much about that show other than RT was more enjoyable to all of us than REM was. How was I to know that all these years later, hearing RT's music would make me think of her - both favorably and now with a sad tone.

Yes indeed, life is far too short. Last night a regular customer came in. The guy happens to be a dear friend of my boss and his wife. The guy also lost his wife to cancer early this year. I'm struggling a bit today - I want to write about a couple of more joyous things about Summer, but right now I need to put the writing down and get some things done around here, hit the gym and try to make this day wonderful in ways that would make someone happy to hear about the next time I talk to them or bump into them. It's a beautiful day outside, I've got plenty to do on this day off and I need to hit the gym. Time to get moving - because sitting here writing is only going to pull me down today, and I need to seek out the people and things that lift me up. Uncertain as these times may be, there is still so much to be thankful for. Peace, good people - don't let anything or anyone, break your spirit. Time to go after some joy on this beautiful Summer day. It's out there somewhere, and I intend to find at least some of it. Whaddya know? A tad under 1900 words.

CRO