Thursday, May 2, 2013

My bartender says...part two, a skosh

Once upon a time, as the evening started to wind down at the bar, a term was coined/used by my boss - and we ran with it. The term is skosh, and it means...well, here:


When you apply this term, skosh, to your drinking status at any given bar, it sounds dignified, responsible. It is dignified and responsible. Dignified and responsible keeps the car on the road and implies that no one shall curse the bartender's name in the morning, let alone that of a given spirit. None of that, thank you very much - would I like more? Yes, but just a skosh. There's nothing unreasonable or irresponsible about a skosh - nor could there be. Why? Because it's not an exact measurement - it's a little bit, never meant to add up to much.

I remember an episode of Happy Days, in which Richie Cunningham got drunk for the first time drinking beer "out of little teeny glasses":

Richie: We drank beer out of little teeny glasses.

Mr. C - sitting on the edge of his son's bed & asking his son a question: How many "teeny glasses" did you drink son?
Richie, in a drunken/sleepy slur: Seventy-two

No one has seventy two skoshes in one night. While there are no hard fast rules for exactly how much a skosh actually is and just how many one is allowed to have, skosh implies moderation, and numbers that require more than one hand to count 'em on, don't qualify as moderation.   So when we skosh, we're being mindful, responsible - sensible even.

It's more than a little amusing and ironic that auto-correct wants to replace the word skosh, with the word slosh. Biotch, please! There's nothing dignified, responsible or sensible about sloshing. Hard core partiers take heart, throw caution to the wind and slosh all you want - but not here, because here we're skoshing and we're not about to lower ourselves to sloshing.

If you're skoshing at a bar, you're in complete control. You can use words like Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon - best of all, if you see some friends come in, you can do this:

                                                                 
If one is sloshing at the bar, the word "another" often gets compressed into a one syllable word, common, every day wine names sound more like this:

Slosher: ...hic...burp..I'll 'ave anu'er...Chardon-hic....Chardo...burp...WINE!!

When someone is sloshing, as opposed to skoshing, they are more likely to do this:


Take note, auto-correct - I do know the difference. I wasn't even going to bring up sloshing, until you kept insisting that's what I meant. For the record, Gumby is actually a new toy for my dog, Bentley - but he wants nothing to do with him, and not using him for something would mean six bucks down the drain - but I digress. Skoshing is for the dignified and responsible/sensible. Doesn't happen in college bars or shot-and-a-beer places people:

Rowdy College Girl/Guy: Guys!! - Let's all do a SKOSH!! - I'll buy!!/ You wanna do a skosh for your birthday?/SKOSH! SKOSH! SKOSH!/ C'mon, let's do a birthday skosh/Bet I can skosh you under the table...etc, etc.

Nope. Doesn't happen. Never will. That's because a skosh is a dignified, though inexact, yet responsible and quite sensible measurement using a skosh caliper. (See figure 1a. below)

                                                                   Figure 1a.
                                                         Left hand Skosh Caliper

See? That is a skosh. On one hand, it could be the perfect amount, yet it could very well not be enough - or it could be way too much. I'll let you know. I just wanna wet my whistle, so just a skosh will do - no, I don't want another drink - Jeezus, then I might not even be able to whistle - maybe not drive either, and chances are I'll wanna do one or the other soon. Put your wallet away people - skoshes are given, not purchased. A good skosh does not go to one's head. One can take or leave a skosh. If you can't say it, you can't have one Here's to sensible skoshing!




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