Orders

I work part time as a bartender in a Thai restaurant. When I started that gig I was frustrated by how my employers did things - simple things seemed to be made much more difficult than necessary, and anything more detail oriented seemed to be thrown together in the most half-assed way imaginable. I have a lot of experience under my belt and when I share stories about how differently this particular employer does things, my friends in the business often refuse to believe me - so I'll share a few examples with them to illustrate my point(s), and then laughter ensues. Now I'm no longer frustrated, at least to the extent I once was, at how things are done - and mind you this is the only place I've ever worked at that does things this differently. Now I almost always find it amusing. I've come to accept the fact that this is a place owned and run by people who simply have a culture that is in many ways different from my own. Having said that, I've come to appreciate the experience of this place...most of the time.

Before I go any further into this post, I should point out that some of the best belly laughs I've had have been at my own expense. It is this very fact that allows me a certain license to laugh at others and I'm fine with being laughed at by them. What I will say that amazes me at this employer, perhaps more than anything else that I've struggled to accept in this place, is how bad these people can be at listening. I truly love these people folks, this is merely an observation. Allow me to share a recent example of this from my attempting to order Creme de Almond last week:

Me, on the phone with the state liquor store to place a liquor order - and since Creme De Almond is a lower proof liquor, I'm prepared for the possibility that the rep is going to tell me I'll have to order it from one of my distributors: Do you have Creme De Almond?

Liquor Store Representative: No - Ohio took it off their inventory.

I finish my liquor order and think that surely with Creme De Almond being a lower proof item, one of my distributors will have it. I'm also not worried about it, because the only thing on our drink menu that calls for this liquor is a Zombie - and the recipe calls for a mere half ounce of the stuff. We have Amaretto, which is better at the whole taste-like-almonds game anyway. No worries right? Wrong, at least if you're my boss's brother, who is in a state of mild panic because the last of our bottle of Creme De Almond is gone. Last time I looked, it was slightly less than half full. (I prefer the term half full to half empty, being a "glass half full" kinda guy) Half full on this bottle means I have perhaps two dozen Zombies and I don't need to worry on account of having Amaretto - but there's nothing I can do to convince the boss man's brother here.

I'm not sure, but I think it may be required by law that any Thai or Chinese restaurant that has a liquor license has to have a drink menu that has Zombies and Mai Tais on it. In my experience, the two are nearly interchangeable. Both are rum heavy cocktails with fruit juice, served in a ridiculously large glass that needs to be picked up with both hands. It may also be required by law that either of these drinks are garnished with at least one of the following items: a) a small, colorful paper umbrella with tiny hand-painted Asian artwork on it - this is a dilemma for any bartender who is superstitious enough to believe in the old saying that it's bad luck to open an umbrella indoors...b) a ridiculously large slice of pineapple, maybe some oranges and definitely a lot of cherries. Make no mistake about it, this drink is one big glass of giggle juice that is built to catch your eye before it messes with your motor skills. Drink safely please.

 I digress. Boss man's brother is far too upset that his brother's fine establishment doesn't have any Creme De Almond in the house and I'm on it - but I'm having one hell of a time convincing him of that. When I place my order with the two wine distributors that also carry lines of foo-foo stuff, I ask both if they have Creme De Almond. Both of them tell me they're not sure and they can call me back when they find out. I tell them no worries, if you have it please put two bottles on my order, if not, so be it - I can use Amaretto.

I understand perfectly how this whole situation will play out. Quite simply, I'll either get the Creme De Almond or I won't - I've done everything I can to try and get it, but it seems impossible to get Boss man's brother to listen and understand that. I'm a bit confused in trying to do this because Boss man's brother seems to have a very good command of the English language - but it seems to be his ears that are the problem:

Boss Man's brother: you need to order Creme De Almond, you don't have Creme De Almond, you should have Creme De Almond, you need to have a bottle of it in the well and a back up bottle. Why didn't you order Creme De Almond?

Me: I did try to order it from the liquor store and she told....

Boss Man's brother: No, no no...not try to order, you need to orrrrrrrderrrrr - they cannot send the Creme De Almond unless you orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrr it, so you need to orrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrr the Creme De Almond from the liquor store so they can send it you understand. (As a reader, you should know that this man dragged out the word order, enough to make it last like an entire sentence all by its lonesome.)

Me (thinking):  Hear me out - I've got a perfectly good reason for why we don't have this stuff, stay with me here - you'll get it if you pay attention.

Me (talking): I tried to order it from the liquor store and they told me Ohio took it off the inventory so we may not be able to get it - sometimes they do that and....

Boss Man's brother: no, no no - you have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it. Not try, you orrrrderrrrr. I get it before, we have Creme De Almond here, but we're OUT of it right now so you must, must orrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it you understand? Not try, you orrrrderrrrrrr.  We have Creme De Almond here! You have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it.

Me (thinking): If we're out of it, then we don't have it...we had it, as in past tense - we no longer have it...and that would be exactly why I would orrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrr it.

Me (talking): Let me explain - the woman at the liquor store said that Ohio took it off the inventory list, so they don't have it...

Boss Man's brother, cutting me off...again: No, no...you have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrr, you did not orrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrr  after I told you we don't have it and we need it, you understand that you have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I looked on the paper with the liquor order and you didn't orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrr Creme De Almond so that is why they did not send, why didn't you orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it after I told you we need? You understand?

This is taking a long time - I know, right? I wish I was exaggerating folks, but this is exactly how it's going and I can't get it to stop. Even walking away after telling Boss Man's bro that I did try to order Creme De Almond(from three different sources and I struck out at all of them) has him following me around repeating the same directions! I'm caught in a seemingly endless loop of questions and one word sentences of the word, orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - I  find this all of the following: a) annoying b) extremely amusing c) frustrating - both because I can't for the life of me make it stop, even in walking away, and because no one will believe me. No one, that is, unless it's someone who has worked with this guy - you know who you are.

Me (talking): I did ask the liquor store for two bottles of Creme De Almond, they don't have it.

Boss Man's brother: The liquor store doesn't have Creme De Almond? Yes, we buy from the liquor store, we need to buy some Creme De Almond from them, so why did you not orrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from them?

Me (thinking): I want to box your ears so hard that your glasses break into pieces...not because I want to hurt you, but because I want something, anything, to make you listen to what I'm trying to tell you. If I can't box your ears, then I'd like the film crew from that MTV show Boiling Point to be filming this conversation because that way people would believe me when I share stories with them about how often I have to repeat myself with you sometimes - and I'm not sure how long my boiling point is going to last, though it's already gone longer than I'd have guessed.

Me (talking): I did try to order it - from the liquor store AND from Hammer and Superior. I told Hammer and Superior to send us two bottles IF they have it.

Boss Man's brother: Oh...so you did not orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrr , because it did not come. See you must orrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrr  and you did not orrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrr it because it is not here because it did not come because you did not orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrr, I see now.

Me (thinking): Uh, no...you do not see.

Me (talking): Please listen - I'm telling you why it is not here, and I did try to orrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrr it from three different places.

 I only said the word order like he did once in this whole episode, and the man looked up at me like I was nuts - which I may have been by this point.

Boss Man's brother: I get it before from Hammer, I can get it - you understand? You have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it or else they will not bring it. I get before. I will do your job, I will orrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrr it.

I wish I could say that this didn't go on longer than it does even here, but it did. I wish I knew why it is often so tough to get a point across to these people at times. When I finally got to a point in the evening where even the Boss Man's brother stopped asking/talking about this very minor dilemma, we were wrapping up our evening and closing down. As I head out the front door to go home, Boss Man's brother stops me as my hand is on the door:

Boss Man's brother: So do not worry - I will orrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Creme De Almond because you did not orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, so we will have it because I will orrrrrrrderrrrr some, but you must understand that you have to orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr this ok? Next time you orrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, yes?

I bid him goodnight, but in my head, I think - AIYA, which is a Catonese expression of exasperation. Funny how I'm of French/German/Irish/Polish descent, but I often find myself using that expression as much as these people do. Every word here is true folks, swear.

Hopefully an amusing intermission between parts 1 & 2

Let's go back - three, maybe four years ago, to the start of a busy Saturday night. Never mind which bar it is, it's still there and for reasons I wouldn't think of, it was overall a very good experience for me. It did loads for my approach to having a good attitude and seeing the importance of controlling my attitude and choosing to focus on positive things. It also was a daily source of amusement, provided you like watching for that kind of thing - and I do.

So it's the start of a busy night, my bar is full and three of the people that are sitting in front of me are people I know and am comfortable with - a younger guy who works with me and his parents, whom I've met in social settings. I take a string of drink tickets from the printer and start to prioritize things. The first few tickets are no brainers, bottled beers or glasses of wine, but then I get a ticket that stops me in my tracks - 3 drinks on the ticket, first two are bottled beers, short putts. It's the third item that throws me, and for what seems like forever, stops me:

Just in case you can't read the actual photo, the second line down reads:  OPEN BAR $4.95 Vigina

I look at my coworker and his parents. He can tell by the look on my face that I'm dazed by this ticket. I hand it to him shaking my head:

Me: Wonder what I'm supposed to do for this.

My coworker's parents are curious, so he looks at me and asks if he can show them.

Me: Sure!

Coworker: Slides the drink ticket towards his dad, "Chris deals with some shit back there, that's for sure."

All of us are laughing. None of us know what I'm either going to do about this last item, nor what I should do...well, I mean, I know I'm gonna have to wait it out until the server, Jackie (not her real name) comes to the bar for her drinks. Doesn't take long.

Jackie: Oh my gawd, oh my gawd! That last drink is a virgin green tea mojito!

Laughter ensues, first from me...maybe from me, my coworker and his folks all at once, can't recall - but I can say it was quite an enjoyable laugh for all concerned - except for Jackie that is. I don't miss a beat with my sarcastic, dry as a desert reply:

Me: Oh...I would've got THAT...

More laughter from everyone - except Jackie.

Jackie: Stop laughing at me and just make my goddamn drinks!

I can't stop laughing as I muddle a bit of mint, throw some ice and green tea in a pint glass and set it up on the service bar for Jackie - and I look right at her the whole time.

Jackie: Seriously, please don't tell Bossman (not his real name) about this - he'll be so mad!!

Me: Mad??? Why would he be mad that you can't spell vagina??

Jackie: Shut up! I can so!

Me: Not according to this...

More laughter from everyone - but not Jackie. While this is getting funnier for the rest of us, Jackie isn't amused:
Jackie: Shut up! You can't spell it either!
Me: Yes I can - and I don't even have one.

More laughter and Jackie walks away with her beers and vigina...I mean, virgin green tea Mojito on her tray, whilst shaking her head. Up walks my boss:

Bossman, smiling (this guy is almost always smiling): What was that all about?
Me: Jackie needed a virgin green tea Mojito...
Bossman, interrupting: So? You made it for her?
Me: Of course - just took longer because she rang it up wrong.
Bossman: What do you mean she rang it up wrong? What did she type in?
Me: A vigina.
Bossman: A what??
Me: Yeah, you heard me.

Laughter all around, Jackie's nowhere in sight.

Bossman: Lemme see the ticket! She did not type vigina!
Me: Here - see for yourself...give it back when you're done, I wanna save that one.

Bossman takes the ticket, looks at it with equal parts amusement and disbelief. Shakes his head and looks at me:
Bossman: I had her proofread my menus for the new place - I better look 'em over huh?
Me: I would if it were my place - you don't want vigina all over 'em, besides, didn't she misspell broccoli?
Bossman: Yes! Oh my God - I hope those didn't already go to the printer.

Even I can't make this stuff up - and I still have the ticket to prove it.

Whatever I want - Part 1

I've been asked the question, What do you want to do with your blog?, and maybe there's no short answer. Then again, perhaps there is. The short answer would be, whatever I want. The short answer with an attitude comes to mind when I'm asked that question with an attitude that seems to suggest I'm doing something wrong with writing my thoughts, in my voice, and that I should be doing so differently, is whatever the fuck I want. I created this blog as an outlet to get me writing - and in any number of ways that I might want to.

 I'll be the first to say that I constantly reassess this blog and the things I write about - believe me, there's a shit ton of drafts with all kinds of stuff, some of which seemed like a great idea until I started writing it out and bored myself to tears, some of which just needs a bit of breathing time. Yeah, whatever I want, and I shouldn't have to justify that. That very notion is something I stole from two of my coworkers, both of whom also write - and blog, and quite well, I might add. Emelie and Alayna, I'm talkin' bout you two - because the first few times I read things you wrote about, it hit me like a ton of flippin' bricks, the notion of writing about whatever I want to write about. This blog is, therefore, a place. A place where I can write about whatever crosses my mind and moves me enough to write about it - a bit of a sketchbook for words and thoughts. If anyone doesn't like reading it, well....it's not like anyone is standing there with a gun to your head forcing you to read it. Go read something you like, or better still, go write something you like. Comment if you like - I love hearing what people like about it, I'm okay with hearing what someone didn't like about it - but if you're going to elaborate on what you didn't like about it, I'm going to wonder why you spent so much time focusing on what you didn't like. I'm the type of person who walks away from what I don't like, or finds something to like if I have to stay. Sometimes what I write about could suck, sometimes my writing could suck as well - but the point is, I'm writing. Someone told me something a few months ago - they wrote it on their copy of their credit card voucher and they left it for me:

Writers aren't authors without an audience.

 Boom. Deep, I know. Here's the thing: looking at my stats, both on this site and the tracking site I use, I have an audience - and one that's growing more all the time. Boggles my mind a bit, the things that drive my readership up, and way up. Yup, this blog is a place for me to write, about whatever moves me to do so. There are any number of reasons why this is a very, very good thing - for me, hopefully sometimes for others. I've had two very positive remarks in the last week, both of which mean a lot to me because they were made in a manner that made it easy for me to see that both individuals, and these are two people that I have a lot of respect and admiration for, thought about what I had to say and appreciated it. More than that, both of these people get why I do it. When anyone gets the why of what you do and genuinely appreciates that aspect of it, it's wonderful. It makes me want to continue, it makes me want to improve - and it makes me enjoy the process, even if I struggle, and sometimes fail at improving.

Constructive criticism? I'm okay with that. Critics as a whole? Hmm, perhaps not so much. I say that because what comes to mind is how someone can go on and on about not liking something and how the longer that process goes on, the more I just think, Dude! - if you really don't like something so much, then do everyone a favor and get the F away from it, unless you're an editor who is going to pay me for it, and therefore sees something worth fixing, move on to something you actually like. If you can do it better, than by all means, do that if you want. I tend not to publish the comments that are nothing but insults - whether they come anonymously or someone actually identifies themselves, and thankfully, there haven't been a lot of those.

This is a place, an outlet - for what I want to talk/write about. What I like, when I like it. Here is where I write when I feel like it, and if I rather like what I chose to write about, well then I just might like to click the orange button that says, "Publish" - and if I don't like it at some point, I can delete it. That's what I like about...

Onward!

It's only Monday and I already know that it's going to be a much better week than last week - which wasn't necessarily bad, just a bit less enjoyable than I expected. I had some oral surgery scheduled for Wednesday morning and my anxiety grew quite a bit in the days leading up to that. It all went well and there's nothing to do but heal and hope for the best once the next phase happens in a few weeks. That gets easier with each passing day. I guess I didn't think I'd actually be as sedentary as I ended up being from Wednesday afternoon on. All is well, I haven't taken a pain pill since Friday and while I'm a bit tired of mashed potatoes and being worried about brushing on the side all the work was done on, I can't complain.

I'm back to the grind of my busy work schedule and joking around the way I feel fortunate to be able to do at my job(s) feels good. That makes me grateful for the humor that flows between my coworkers, my customers and I like that. There's so much to be thankful for, and while I don't think I lost sight of that while I laid on the couch and watched movies and ate ice cream - two things I don't do a lot of mind you, it's nice to get back to normal - mad props to Netflix and Ben & Jerry's for making laying around after a bunch of expensive and painful dental work more tolerable, and yes Vicodin, I am grateful that a dozen of you showed up, but the half a dozen of you that are hanging out waiting to help out are going to be disappointed. (No, they're not for sale...sorry to all the interested parties, and you know who you are!) As far as Netflix and Ben & Jerry's are concerned - both are fine in moderation. 'Nuff said.

Today started out wonderfully - the sun, a breath of fresh air, you know, the kind of breath one can only get in the Winter months, tough to explain other than to just call it a rush of cold, fresh air that just feels awesome, a walk with the dog and hearing the sound of kids playing at recess at the school I live next to  - all of that is a great start to my day. Makes me feel fortunate. Lots of creative stuff to busy my one day off this week - changes for this blog, writing, practicing, trying to figure out a way to help a coworker whose girlfriend is undergoing treatment for cancer...I'm a bit consumed by the thought of how such treatment in itself is plenty to worry about and how life doesn't give those who are dealing with cancer, or any other illness, a break from the multitude of other concerns and responsibilities we have as adults. Maybe it's time I put some thought into helping someone who is dealing with something so unfair - all I know is the last time I did so, people came together and we got some great results.

It's going to be a great week - no matter what, I can just feel it. I feel fortunate, optimistic and very, very grateful! Bring it, Monday! I'm more than ready for you - I keep thinking of my boss telling me that I have two good jobs. He's right - I do, and I'm grateful for them both, along with working with some amazing people and around incredible food and a ton of laughs. There you have it, blah, blah, blah...gotta run, I'm making lunch and a new hot sauce recipe that looks like it's going to be awesome - calls for a roasted onion and four of the hottest peppers known to man. The notes say that the sweetness of the onion balances out nicely with the heat of the peppers - I'll let you know! Have a great Monday everyone!

Hillbilly Dumpster...lyrics

So my last post was about how anything and everything gets tossed out in the hillbilly dumpster. I've often thought that this is amusing and that it would make for a great country song. When I lived in Houston, I would sometimes visit a Tractor Supply store - folks if Tractor Supply store doesn't have what you're looking for in your outdoor needs, well, dang it, you just might not need it. I swear to God, both of these things are true: a) you can buy baby chicks and ducklings at Tractor Supply b) I hear a country song called "Doublewide Paradise" playing on the radio when I was in a Tractor Supply store. Much as I'd like to forget both of those things...I just cain't...I mean, can't. Theys both true folks.

So back to that great country song - Hillbilly Dumpster. I can just hear this tune with its slow, twangy, country-ass lilt, and folks, if it's country it don't mean a thang if it ain't got that twang. (which, by the way, is my line - I came up with that one and it's a beauty.) In the middle the singer would slow down, talk a few verses...I dunno, something like this:

Well so long to, my bigass, projection screen tee-vee
Bought a new flat screen so this here one no use to the missus an' me
My baby an me could lift it, but when it fell on my toe I screamed ouch
Got no time to stand here cryin' - baby help me with this ol' couch

I thought that all this stuff was much too big, to simply throw away
Sure as hell wouldn't wanna be the garbage man on this trash pickup day
Furniture an' appliances, it don't matter anyway
Just walk it out to the dumpster, gonna throw this stuff away

Talky part:

Now folks it's been said, so many times one man's trash is another man's treasure
An' we've got no room to keep this stuff, that brings us no more pleasure

Somebody stop me. Could I go on? Hell, probably - but I won't. Got things to do.

Hillbilly dumpster

Maybe I should be careful with the title of this post - after all, I do live here in this apartment complex myself. Nonetheless, it's amazing the things that my neighbors will throw away in the dumpster here. If what they're throwing away won't fit in the dumpster itself - and mind you I've seen all kinds of large items sticking way out of this dumpster, not to worry - just put it as close to the dumpster as you can. The guys who drive the garbage truck will handle it from there. I would think there would be some kind of guidelines or dumpster etiquette, if you will, for disposing of things in this manner - but there isn't.

I've seen all of the following items in and/or around the dumpster that sits at the end of my parking lot:

Televisions - small ones, big ones and very big ones. Some of them have even had handwritten signs taped on their screens that said: Works! When I think back to how much some of these huge televisions cost in their day, it's hard to think of them sitting out in the elements. I don't know where all this trash from the complex goes, but it can't be good.

Furniture - all kinds of furniture. Couches, chairs, tables - end and coffee, dining room tables, if you can sit on it, lay on it or put something on it, I've seen it at the hillbilly dumpster.

Computers, stereo units, lamps, appliances - aw hell, you name it, it's been out there at one time or another, or it will be in the very near future. As I write this post, there's a brown sofa up against the dumpster with its cushions tossed inside. This is one very well fed dumpster, yes indeed.

There are also three standing trash bins to the left of the m.d. (main dumpster) that are labeled for recycling - glass and plastic, paper and cardboard. The first one is always jammed and overflowing with beer bottles - surprise.

I guess the only rules for the dumpster area are centered around whether you still want something - either you do, or you don't. I can't recall the property manager ever posting guidelines for what you can or cannot throw away. All of these items must make their way to the dumpster under cover of night - I've never seen anyone walking a couch or 70" BIG screen television over to it.

Maybe there's a hillbilly dumpster fairy whose job it is to put this stuff there. "Hey Ma, lookit - it's one of them pro-jection t.v.'s! Can we keep it?" - "Well, lemme git yer pa to help us lug 'er inside anyway."
Come to think of it, I've never seen this stuff actually go bye-bye on trash pickup day either. One day the stuff is there, another day it's gone. Believe me there are days when the trash guys have just got to round the corner into this lot and think "aw shit - would ya look at this crap??"

Now is where I'll admit that I once, once mind you, salvaged something from the hillbilly dumpster - hold on a minute and let me explain myself - and no, it wasn't any kind of furniture, oh, and while I'm mentioning furniture, I've seen box springs and mattresses of all sizes out there too, frames and headboards as well. So what, pray tell, did I salvage? Any guesses? Doesn't matter - none of you would get it, so I'll just tell you: a pair of skis. Yes, you read that right. The skis were not in bad shape at all and the bindings looked brand new - which is basically why I took the skis in the first place. Have I done anything with them? Nope. I thought I might know someone who would want the bindings, but if I don't.....guess what I'll do with them? Hillbilly dumpster, damn straight.

Bar crabs and blessings

I have this bar trick I do for kids, that I basically stole from my bartending brother, Anthony Nixon - it's called a bar crab and it never fails to amuse young children. It's a trick so simple that it borders on lame - that is until you see the reaction in a child's face, then it's well worth the price of admission. The trick is to unfold a cocktail napkin so that you have one big square, twist each corner about two inches towards the center from the ends, and mold it over a lemon. Then you roll it towards your audience. I know, it doesn't sound like much. It isn't really, at least not until you get a reaction, and this simple trick that I've stolen from my old friend, never fails to get a reaction.

I've done this trick more times than I care to count, but last night I got the most wonderful reaction from a little guy who proudly told me he was "Five and a half!". Usually I don't take care to make sure the child I'm doing the trick for doesn't see me put the lemon under the napkin, this time I did. The look of amazement/amusement on this little guy's face was priceless. He asked me what was under the napkin, and I asked him to guess:

Five and a half: A hamster??

Me: No - but that's a very good guess, do you want to guess again?

Five and a half: Is it a mouse?

Me: No, but that's also a very good guess.

I think his older sister guessed a Guinea pig - not sure, but they were both very amused by the bar crab, and it was the high point of my night. Undoubtedly, some would say I need to get a life - but moments like these are life in my humble opinion, and I'll hang onto to all of those that I can.

I have a bit of a nervous week ahead of me - some dental work/surgery on Wednesday that I'm a bit uptight about. Without going into detail, an issue that is overdue in being taken care of. I keep trying to focus on positive things, such as this issue being taken care of and my mouth getting back to normal and finally being able to stop favoring the side opposite the problem. I am a bit confused by how casual my dentist seems to be about the whole notion of having all this done, I'm expecting to eat a lot of soup come Wednesday afternoon and I'm wondering if I'll be good to go to work Friday night!

I'm hoping that I'll feel well enough on one of these days off, to get some creative work done and not have to cave in to simply laying on the couch and watching television - but if I end up doing that, I've got some amusing things to watch...such as the first three seasons of Archer, streamed stuff from netflix (my answer to cable - suck it Time Warner) and I finally got around to replacing my copy of one of my all-time favorite movies, High Fidelity. I'm also blessed to have Keith Richards' autobiography on loan from my good friend, Joe Hunter - and I really need to get on that one!

Since I'm told that my stitches will be in for a couple of weeks, I guess it's a good thing I'm well acquainted with my juicer! I'm sure all everything will work out in the end, but it's been a pretty nerve-wracking last few days, what with a minor stalking issue that I hope I've heard the last of, and the events of this week, the end of the month, blah, blah, blah....ah well, there you have it. All in all, I could be worse equipped heading into this week. I'm fortunate that I have two good jobs - this observation was pointed out to me by one of my bosses last week - and he's absolutely right. I do have two good jobs, and I enjoy the balance of both of them - and I hope I don't have to miss a moment of work at either one of them this week! This too, shall pass. Have a great Monday everyone!

Stories

Afternoon, and a very good one at that. Today I had breakfast with my old pal Doug. Initially slated as a lunch, Doug mentioned earlier in the week that breakfast would work better for him. I have no particular problem with breakfast, other than the fact that most people eat it at a much earlier hour than I do given that I work nights. Nonetheless, I love me some breakfast food - if I got up at 4:00 PM (and no, I don't sleep that late!) I still gotta have something breakfast related. I've never been a wander-to-the-fridge-in-a-grumpy-pre-coffee-fog-and-grab-a-slice-of-cold-pizza guy, never will be either.

Me, via IM on a popular social networking site: What uh, time would you want to have said breakfast?

Mind you, I'm also thinking: Dear God please don't say something like, "how's about 7:30-ish?"

Doug, via IM on a popular social networking site: How's about 9:30 or 10?

Me, via...duh : 10 could work

Doug, v.d. : 10 - 10:15 if that's better.

Me, thinking, whilst still on a popular social networking site: ah, 10:15 - perfect. My friend knows my foggy morning patterns and is graciously allowing me PADDING, which I'll take.

I tell him it's on, and I immediately set about putting my mindset to committing to getting up a wee bit earlier than I normally do. Jeezus, it's not like I'm gonna be up late drinking and will have to drag my hungover ass outta bed at 9 to make it into Kent for breakfast and have coffee without my beloved vanilla caramel creamer...but never mind my hobbies, I'm in.

Here's the thing about being buddies with Doug all these years...actually a few things come to mind: a) we're both left-handed drummers who happen to hail from the same home town b) Neither one of us has ever had any trouble using right handed drumsticks c) our paths have crossed many times since meeting in 1980 d) after all these years, two grown men can share drum stories that have us both laughing and sharing the same enthusiasm for drums and music that both of us undoubtedly had as junior high kids...therefore, we can lose track of time - which is allowable when you're sitting in a booth over breakfast. Losing time behind a drumkit? Not so allowable, F.Y.I. How I love swapping drum stories - and between the two of us, we've got a ton of 'em, but ya gotta want it.

All in all, a very enjoyable hang and one that needs to happen more often - and soon. A great way to start a day that can't possibly get any better as it unfolds. I'm outta here...I've got to juice, hit the gym and get a late lunch before I head into what I hope will be a very enjoyable night behind the bar. I hope everyone is having a week as good as this one is for me!

An awesome sunny day...in Winter

Good morning! While I'm never one to let the weather dictate my mood, it's hard not to appreciate a sunny day like this - even in the Winter. The sky looks amazing, particularly when you contrast it with the heavy snow sitting on a pine tree's branches. The air is clean...a bunch of little things, but they're the kinds of things that I always take a moment to notice. I wish I could say I had something exciting to write about this morning, but I don't.

I will say that I'm excited about this day as it unfolds and I'm about to eat a late breakfast, enjoy the rest of my coffee and hit the gym - hopefully avoiding the strange older dude who always wants to talk, interrupts my workouts and kinda creeps me out. I don't want to be rude to the guy, but I really hate interruptions when I'm working out, and I go to pretty fair lengths not to interrupt anyone else. My workouts are my time and I don't see anything social about being at the gym. I put my earphones in and the music plays from the time I walk out of the locker room and keeps playing until I return after my workout is done.

My thoughts are based on how my workout is going on any given day - if it's bad, I want to talk myself through it, if it's good, then I want to keep that momentum going. I'm not in competition with anyone - I'm just trying to be the best version of me that I can. Being middle age, the whole getting older trip...that's something I want to fight off the effects of. I still feel youthful enough to want to do things and even on my worst days, the fact of the matter is that I always feel better leaving the gym. I don't want to let any negativity seep into my time at the gym, even in joking around - and this, dear readers, is why I always dread running into this older dude. Don't get me wrong - I respect the people I see on a regular basis at the gym. They're doing the same thing I'm there to do for the most part, which is to take better care of themselves. That's not always so easy, and this is the time of the year where the gym is still thinning out from the people who make New Year's resolutions to start exercising. Mad props to anyone who shows up and does something for themselves, seriously.

I don't pay any attention to what others are doing in their workouts and I see people at various stages of exercise - people who look like they're just beginning, to those who are into a regular routine. Whenever I think about it, I tell myself that it's not always easy, particularly in later years. I give everyone trying a lot of credit. One of the people I also give credit to is myself, because although I still find it rather surprising at nearly two years into this gym thing, I'm working out more than I did when I was in high school and on the swim team! I guess it's easier now, but it always feels like it could stop at any moment - and I'm not about to let that happen. So good for the strange old dude - he told me he's 69 years old. I hope I'm still getting as much exercise when I'm that age, but meanwhile, I'm thinking about having the phrase, I am not here to TALK, printed on my workout shirts.

I feel great today and I'm looking forward to everything - even going to work later on. What's not to like - great sunny day, my gym is close, my coffee tasted great and the negative force at work simply doesn't exist there now - and everyone is looking forward to moving on in a much more positive environment now. All good things on this awesome sunny day - in Winter. Peace!

Pet Peeves 1.0

I guess you could say I have pet peeves, but it's not like I'm the only one. I've never really given thought to just how many pet peeves I actually have. I think most people carry around more than they realize. I couldn't possibly list all of mine here - I mean really, they would have to cover every area of my life, in every thing I do. There are probably loads of 'em that I never even realized I have.

One area that I'll openly admit to having pet peeves in, is grammar - y'know, spelling an' shit. We live in a time that seems to be making people ignore things like spelling and proper written communication. Don't ask me why I have such a problem with this - but I do. Maybe it's because I love words and writing. Maybe it's because I paid attention in English class and when people told me that I wrote well, it made me feel good. Whatever the reason, it bugs me when I see people that don't know the difference  between words like "your" and "you're" or "their" and "there" - because they're not using what they sat in school for. I know it's not the end of the world, but what's the point of learning rules for written communication if they're just going to be tossed aside out of laziness?

I had someone recently comment on a social networking site that "spelling doesn't matter here" - yet for some reason it does matter to me. I'm not above a misuse of a comma, I'm in no way above a typo - hell, maybe even a lot of 'em, though when I catch my typos, I correct 'em!

We may be approaching a time when resumes get texted rather than written, where kids fill out applications for part time jobs in text speak. For all I know there may be kids out there who know more about the so-called rules of text speak than they do about even simple rules of the English language. I'll admit it, I flat out suck at texting. Part of the reason is because I like things like spelling correctly and I think that while it's advantageous to fire off a quick text, it just doesn't seem that important to shave milliseconds off the time it takes to send such a brief message.

It kind of makes me wonder if we're approaching a time when a potential employer will have a spot on an application that asks how many texts per minute a person can do. My mother used to be a secretary - secretaries use an abbreviated symbolic method called shorthand. I guess one could say that shorthand is the godfather of texting - y'know, like James Brown is the Godfather of Soul. Shorthand used to be considered essential training for secretaries and journalists. It allowed someone who knew how to use it to write as quickly as people speak. I'm not really sure I get why exactly computer speak and text speak came into play, at least not in saving time that is wasted hanging out online in a social network setting - I mean, really? You need to save time in milliseconds, in order to continue wasting time in any number of directions that time can be wasted on the Internet? Just seems silly to me.

I know people who have been using text speak long before there was such an animal. People who most likely couldn't write a simple complete sentence if their very lives depended on doing so. Then again, the English language does have some pretty messed up rules. Nonetheless, I still see something meaningful in putting forth the effort to speak and/or write well - and society getting further and further away from that is but one of my pet peeves.