So it's the start of a busy night, my bar is full and three of the people that are sitting in front of me are people I know and am comfortable with - a younger guy who works with me and his parents, whom I've met in social settings. I take a string of drink tickets from the printer and start to prioritize things. The first few tickets are no brainers, bottled beers or glasses of wine, but then I get a ticket that stops me in my tracks - 3 drinks on the ticket, first two are bottled beers, short putts. It's the third item that throws me, and for what seems like forever, stops me:
Just in case you can't read the actual photo, the second line down reads: OPEN BAR $4.95 Vigina
I look at my coworker and his parents. He can tell by the look on my face that I'm dazed by this ticket. I hand it to him shaking my head:
Me: Wonder what I'm supposed to do for this.
My coworker's parents are curious, so he looks at me and asks if he can show them.
Me: Sure!
Coworker: Slides the drink ticket towards his dad, "Chris deals with some shit back there, that's for sure."
All of us are laughing. None of us know what I'm either going to do about this last item, nor what I should do...well, I mean, I know I'm gonna have to wait it out until the server, Jackie (not her real name) comes to the bar for her drinks. Doesn't take long.
Jackie: Oh my gawd, oh my gawd! That last drink is a virgin green tea mojito!
Laughter ensues, first from me...maybe from me, my coworker and his folks all at once, can't recall - but I can say it was quite an enjoyable laugh for all concerned - except for Jackie that is. I don't miss a beat with my sarcastic, dry as a desert reply:
Me: Oh...I would've got THAT...
More laughter from everyone - except Jackie.
Jackie: Stop laughing at me and just make my goddamn drinks!
I can't stop laughing as I muddle a bit of mint, throw some ice and green tea in a pint glass and set it up on the service bar for Jackie - and I look right at her the whole time.
Jackie: Seriously, please don't tell Bossman (not his real name) about this - he'll be so mad!!
Me: Mad??? Why would he be mad that you can't spell vagina??
Jackie: Shut up! I can so!
Me: Not according to this...
More laughter from everyone - but not Jackie. While this is getting funnier for the rest of us, Jackie isn't amused:
Jackie: Shut up! You can't spell it either!
Me: Yes I can - and I don't even have one.
More laughter and Jackie walks away with her beers and vigina...I mean, virgin green tea Mojito on her tray, whilst shaking her head. Up walks my boss:
Bossman, smiling (this guy is almost always smiling): What was that all about?
Me: Jackie needed a virgin green tea Mojito...
Bossman, interrupting: So? You made it for her?
Me: Of course - just took longer because she rang it up wrong.
Bossman: What do you mean she rang it up wrong? What did she type in?
Me: A vigina.
Bossman: A what??
Me: Yeah, you heard me.
Laughter all around, Jackie's nowhere in sight.
Bossman: Lemme see the ticket! She did not type vigina!
Me: Here - see for yourself...give it back when you're done, I wanna save that one.
Bossman takes the ticket, looks at it with equal parts amusement and disbelief. Shakes his head and looks at me:
Bossman: I had her proofread my menus for the new place - I better look 'em over huh?
Me: I would if it were my place - you don't want vigina all over 'em, besides, didn't she misspell broccoli?
Bossman: Yes! Oh my God - I hope those didn't already go to the printer.
Even I can't make this stuff up - and I still have the ticket to prove it.
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