A rant

A few minutes on facebook can be a laugh or two. While I'd much rather have live, in person interaction with people who have shared parts of my life with me, be they friends or relatives, that's not always possible. Say what you want about facebook, but it is a nice way of staying in touch with people who mean something to me.

What I can do without however, is the guilt-inducing pictures and status updates. You know what I'm talking about? I can do without pictures of any examples of animal cruelty and a tag line that says something like like this status/picture if you think animal cruelty should be a felony - give me a flippin' break already. Of fucking course I hate animal cruelty. If I witnessed this kind of thing out in the real world, and make no mistake here people, there is a real world out there, with real people doing real things, I would act on my senses to either stop it or see that the person responsible was brought to justice. Acting on what I know is wrong on behalf of a defenseless animal probably does not mean clicking the "like" button on a social networking site and posting it on my page to prove that I want something done about it.

The same goes for pictures of children with cancer or some other God awful disease that none of us think is fair, nor can we find a way to explain it. It's awful, it shouldn't be that way and of course it bothers us. It may be closer to home for some of us than others - it may be home for some of us. Enough with the fucking sad pictures that guilt you into hitting the fucking like button and thinking that doing so will result in anything good. It's as if someone is saying "Isn't this sad? Doesn't this make you sad? If you said 'yes, it makes me sad', hit the like button and post it on your wall to prove it. Fuck you. And if you're bothered by my dropping the f-bomb a few times in this post, fucking get over it - because this kind of passive, pseudo-activism does more than make me sad. It pisses me off.

It pisses me off that some idiot out there thinks it's a good idea to post something like this as some sort of way to get people to prove that they have a conscious, a heart or a sense of empathy. Give me a fucking break. What do the idiots who originate this crap expect me to think? That if I don't click the like button and/or put it on my wall that I don't have any of those attributes? I'm waiting for the day some brain donor posts something like "Like this sad photo/fact or facebook will delete your account for your lack of decency/empathy/heart" - fuck you. You wanna know why I'm okay with dropping f-bombs on this subject? Because it pisses me off that you're asking me if something sad and unjustifiable towards another human or an animal bothers me. Sometimes there are stupid questions. Stop fucking asking them.

What do you want me to think, that there's some blue and white facebook van driving around neighborhoods like the Publisher's Clearing House van, that if enough people like and share your fucking sad photo, it'll result in said van stopping by the sick child's home, the poor dog's street or the veteran's house and saving the day? Fuck you. I don't know about you, but the only place I've ever seen a Publisher's Clearing House van, is on television. Matter of fact, I don't know anyone, nor do I know anyone who knows anyone, who has ever seen this van. If I did ever see one of these vans, I'd follow the fucker and take pictures to prove it. I don't believe one even exists - nor do I believe that posting disturbing photos with a disclaimer demanding I click like and share proves anything or does any real good. I think the next time I see one of these disturbing picture posts, I'm going to share it with the disclaimer Click like and share this if you think the bonehead who posted this and says you should like and share this should be banned from facebook - facebook says if we get a bazillion likes they will ban this asshole and fine them a million dollars". Dammit! I gotta run - the Publisher's Clearing House Van is driving down my street. I have a conscious. I have a pretty big heart and a sense of empathy. Clicking like and/or sharing something on a social networking site is not something I need to do to prove that. Have a great day people!

Knuckles...semantics

Talking with my nephew after Thanksgiving dinner was a laugh. He was telling me about a concert he went to and said the following:

Nephew: The singer from the band knuckle-touched me

Me: He what you?

Nephew: Knuckle-touched, he knuckle-touched me.

Me: What's knuckle-touching - you mean fist-bump?

Nephew: Yeah, same thing.

Me: I dunno - I've never heard the term knuckle-touching, fist bump...sure, I know what that is. Knuckle touching sounds like something some perv would get in trouble from Child Services for doing - like big trouble, hard time...you know, have to register with the authorites wherever he lives from now on kinda trouble.
"Can you show us on the doll where he knuckle-touched you?...Do you feel safe at home? Does anyone try to knuckle-touch you?...are you afraid of being knuckle-touched?...You know that knuckle-touching is wrong right?...it's not your fault, you can tell us if someone tries to....

Nephew (laughing): Yeah...I got it, it does sound kinda creepy.

Me: It sounds VERY creepy, you kidding??

This became a running joke the rest of the visit - and for the record, I still think it's hilarious. Then again, no one has ever tried to knuckle touch me. Fist bump, well...yeah, a time or two. I have another friend who is one of my coworkers, sometimes one of my bosses. She has a thing where you think she's going to fist-bump you, but instead she grabs your fist. I think she was confused, maybe trying to be hip - but I can't say for sure. She asked me once, "What's that fist bump that I do called?", to which I jokingly replied, "Awkward." I think I'd really rather people just shake hands. Oh well, what do I know?

Thankful!

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, the day before that was my birthday. Lots to be thankful for and lately my mantra is to be thankful every day, at least for something. Take a minute or two and give thought to someone or something that I'm grateful for. Funny thing is, when I do that, I always start thinking of loads of other things to be grateful for. Try it, it works.

I had a great birthday and the best part about it was that quite a few people took a minute to wish me happy birthday, whether it was in person, via phone and yes, via social networking. Each and every message I got only made the day that much better, so I'm grateful for all of them.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family yesterday, and while the table wasn't as crowded as it has been on some Thanksgivings, it was wonderful - both the company and the food. I could go on about how much I enjoyed joking around with my family, but I'd rather just bask in the glow of a very enjoyable holiday and hope that others enjoyed their holiday as much as we enjoyed ours.

I got a very nice and completely unexpected text message from a former coworker yesterday too. I never talk to this guy these days and I was completely surprised to get a text from him telling me that he was thankful to have me as a friend and wishing me Happy Thanksgiving. That's nice all by itself, but then he thanked me for showing him everything he knows about bartending!

I don't think I'm the greatest bartender out there, but am aware of the fact that I do my job well for a number of reasons. My friend went on to say that he paid a lot of attention to how I did things back there and I thought it was really nice for him to say as much.

There you have it, a nice thankful post - minus my often sarcastic and smart ass take on things. I'm not going shopping on this Black Friday and I'm very grateful to work hours that allow me to shop when it's less crowded. I'll take deals when I can get 'em and be glad for them. I can do without the mass merchandising/marketing circus that the holidays have become. All I want out of the holidays as a grown man, is to be able to spend some time with people who mean something to me and I'm grateful to have so many people like that in my life. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, Happy Holidays!

The wisdom of the blues

A friend once told me that blues music was nothing but songs about a good man feeling bad. Said he was a good man feeling good and he didn't want to hear the blues. I disagree with that statement, at least in part. While there's more than a little bit of truth to the statement, the blues is so much more than that. For starters, somehow it feels better to sing about being melancholy than it does to simply talk about it - try it. Somehow the singing about it is really overcoming it and putting it behind you.

If you have any trouble getting your head/mind wrapped around that concept, not to worry - the lesson/pattern will be repeated. The blues is about repetition. Fine, don't listen - then I'll have to say it again. For those of you still wondering what I'm talking about, imagine any of the following scenarios:

1) A man or a woman troubled by:

              a) a car that keeps breaking down
              b) Man drinks too much, has no job
              c) Woman spends too much, complains a lot

Mind you I just pulled all of the above things out of thin air, not trying to offend anyone here, but let us imagine that our blues singer would lament over any or all of those things. I'll do the same thing with some on-the-spot-created lyrics here, keeping a tune in mind and hopefully maintaining at least some poetic meter:

Try to start my car, don't know what's wrong with it
Try start my car, don't know what's wrong with it
Get me a sputter or two, but then the motor just up and quit

Got a big junkyard, only a mile away
Yes there a big junkyard, only a mile away
But to push my car there gonna take me half the day

Ever been there? Hasn't everyone? What the hell? When I turn my key in the ignition, the motor is supposed to start. Not today - well, it started up...only to quit. I'm a little disappointed, so I entertain thoughts of taking the car to the junkyard, leaving it there for someone else to deal with - but then reality sets in and I realize that I'd have to push the car there. Oh Lord, I got them blues...'bout this car.
Why? It's messin' up my day.

Now take the unemployed dude with a bad habit - which might have a thing or two to do with his having no job (obvi)

Done told him once, won't say it again
Man got no job an he stank like gin
Said I told him once won't say it again...

Look man, your woman has told you before that she isn't happy with your drinking and not having a job - but you don't listen. You're still drinkin' and you still have no job. Oh Lord, she got them blues. Sooner or later, you're gonna have 'em too. She shouldn't have to tell you twice man, once should be enough - but it isn't.

Just listen would you? It won't take long before someone says, "One more time..." - but it won't be once more, more likely two or three more times - which is cool, because someone out there probably isn't paying attention. Shit need reviewed. That's what I'm talkin' about. You'll wonder what they talkin' 'bout - don't worry, they'll tell you. Because it feels good to sing about it, they'll tell you again too. Righteous. Tell it.

What about the woman who spends and complains? Thought you'd never ask, check it out:

Well here come my baby in her brand new Caddy, but she out of cash, come home to daddy
Baby flat broke nothin' good to say, got her pretty hand out for my take home pay
Ten, twenty dollar for my girl today kiss my cheek but then she drive away

Aw man, here she comes - driving up in her brand new car that I bought her. I think I'm glad to see her - but she doesn't look happy. What's wrong baby? Money? You need money? Here baby, here's some money...hey wait, where you goin'?

...or something like that. Any and all of those things would be a real drag to go through, not much fun to talk about, but if someone is singing about those things, it becomes soothing. If indeed the blues were nothing but songs about a good man feeling bad, people wouldn't be dancing in blues clubs. You wouldn't see a smile in the place. Nah man, the blues is about overcoming anyone and anything, any place that gives you the blues - it's gonna get better, it always does...always will. Dig?

Junk...

Junk - and by junk, I mean junk mail. By mail, I mean snail mail or email, and both annoy the daylights outta me. There are days when the email variety really gets me - because then I don't even have the luxury (?) of walking it to the recycle bin and bypassing the crap even getting into my home. Nope, this stuff has already made it to my desk and is right in front of me. Huh? I didn't ask for this shit!

Meanwhile, this being an election year, the fliers from both sides of the fence have multiplied like rabbits. Every day there is a pile of crap in my mailbox that is all of the following:  a) Nothing I'm interested in b) Nothing I signed up for c) annoying d) now my responsibility to dispose of. None of this seems right. It's also easy to lose important pieces of mail in the stack of things - so I do have to go through it to make sure I'm not throwing anything important away. Imagine a total stranger walking up to you on the street and handing you a stack of fliers. They tell you there might be something of yours that you want to keep in the stack, might be a thing or two you're interested in - then again, there may not be. The second the pile of crap is in your hands, they let go and immediately start walking away from you - goes a little like this:

You: Hey! I'm not sure I want ANY of this stuff

Stranger, turning around but still walking away: Yeah, neither am I...I mean I thought you might want to see some of it, maybe all of it, maybe none of it...there might be some important stuff in there - you know, a new credit card or an inheritance check....beats me.

You: No man, there's nothing here that interests me - I don't want this pile of stuff!

Stranger - yelling over his/her shoulder: Yeah, go ahead and throw it away then would you? Mind tossing it in a recycle bin? Go ahead and do the same thing tomorrow when the next shipment comes, k? Just take it, okay man?Thanks!

Why is a pile of junk that I didn't ask for to begin with suddenly my responsibility to do something with? If you threw trash on your neighbor's lawn and he saw you do it, he's probably going to tell you to clean it up and not to do that again. You should respect that. I get it - I'm not naive enough to think that anything will ever be done to stop this kind of thing and I suppose I get the whole logic of throwing a fist full of stones at a tree and knowing that at least some of them will hit it, but this is annoying.

Again, the email variety of this kind of stuff really bugs me - especially the numerous emails I received from The Catholic Association in the weeks leading up to the election. Dig how they start out:

Dear Fellow Catholic,

Who, me? You've got the wrong guy - you're way off. These emails had a very biased message that was blatantly trying to influence my vote - and like practically all things Catholic, there's a lot of guilt...implied/assumed...no thank you. The last email I read from them had them complaining about the mere possibility of government having any say in influencing who they might fire and/or hire - yet at the same time they were clearly trying to tell me who I should vote for. If that same complete stranger called out to me on the street, "Hey! Fellow Catholic...." if I even looked to see if he was talking to me, I'd walk the other way if he was. If he persisted, I'd tell him I'm not Catholic. If he asked me if I'd like to be Catholic, I'd tell him no...but if I did want to become a Catholic, I know where I could go to make it happen. Dear Fellow Catholic...really? You know what they say about assuming. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, Catholic or otherwise. Just saying.