A Slight Adaptation

Greetings! Some years back I was working at a place that was going to close for a month of renovations and scatter the staff to other restaurants within the company to enable us all to make our ends meet. All of this was going on when the movie version of how the Grinch stole Christmas was hitting the theaters, so I wrote a little piece about it and a friend recently asked about it - I thought I posted the piece here on the blog, guess I was wrong. Anyway, here it is per the friend's request:

How The Grinch Stole Gamekeeper’s Christmas

A Slight Adaptation By Christopher R. O’Hare

Every Who who worked at Gamekeeper’s liked food – a LOT…

But the Grinch, who lived beneath Gamekeeper’s in the depths of a very old floor…did NOT!

The Grinch hated Gamekeeper’s and their busy Christmas Season!  Now please don’t ask why.  No one quite knows the reason.

It could be because of the noises he heard overhead

Which he still couldn’t bear on the nights they seemed dead

Some say the reason for his constant bad mood

Was he just didn’t care for the Gamekeeper’s food

But this Christmas season he could stand no more

The noises! The smells…that would come through the floor

He sat well below and he heard every sound

Of the owners and servers and cooks running ‘round

He heard as they’d wash up their dishes, plates and their pans…

He heard when they washed off their Gamekeeper’s hands

And all of this water will drain through the floor

Because this old plumbing can’t take any more!

I’ve got to do something to keep people away

Both patrons and workers and it must be TODAY!

So the Grinch sat to think about what he would do

As he smelled the aroma of Gamekeeper’s stew

I’ve got it!  He said, as he sprang from the floor

I’ll close down the place and I’ll lock up the door!

That kitchen’s worn out the Grinch thought with no doubt

I’ll close for a month and take EVERYTHING out!

Now maybe I need just a month’s peace & quiet

And how would I know, unless I could try it?

I’ll come through the floor on January one

…and take every last bit of Gamekeeper’s fun!

I’ll take the barstools where they sit on their asses

They’ll have no more drinks, ‘cause I’ll take all their glasses!

I’ll take all the booze, I will don’t you know

Each and every last drop of GameSkeeper’s MERLOT

So he started to take all the things as he said

And he ripped from the walls every animal’s head!

He ran to the booths and yanked them both out

And he took every knickknack that hung in the trout!

He took all the tables, the lamps and the chairs

Why before he would leave he’d rip out the stairs!

He worked in a rage throwing things in his sack

No contractor knows when to put this stuff back!

He took all the coffee, the tea and the milk

And every last bit of the ostrich and elk!

Then once more around the whole place in a loop

There was not one drop left of Frida’s fresh soup!

Now the Grinch was certain they’d be back for no more

Why the Grinch even took out the Gamekeeper’s floor!

His Grinch sack was full and he struggled with it

Then Stephie-Lou Who yelled, “Hey, what’s all this shit?!”

The Grinch jumped back and was startled a bit

While Stephi-Lou said, “Answer me now you green piece of shit, you’ve got all our stuff, where ya goin’ with it??”

“Don’t lie to me now, it’s really no use – you’ve got all our stuff, even white chocolate mousse”

“And where will we work if we’re going to close?”…as she poked with the soda gun up Grinch’s nose

So the Grinch got his nerve and he thought up a lie

And he told it and looked Stephie-Lou Who in the eye

“Bartendress”, he said and he started to smile

“I promise you’ll only be closed for awhile”

“It’s just for one month then you know what I’ll do? I’ll bring EVERY Gamekeeper Who back…starting with YOU!”

As the Grinch spoke these words he patted her head

Stephie-Lou Who just frowned as she said

“Touch me ONE more time, and I swear you’ll be dead!”

And she yelled at the Grinch and she called him a liar

“I will not pour drinks at that place, Timberfire”

The Grinch just smiled his evil Grinch smile

And said “you can work at Bass Lake for awhile”

Now Stephie-Lou Who thought the Grinch was a fool

And convinced him to shell out five bucks for the pool

To win all this money you must guess the date

When the Whos will eat food from a Gamekeeper’s plate

Now the Grinch made a sneer as he heard of this bet

And he smiled as he thought of the money he’d get

“Who’s all in this pool…’cause betting, I LIKE…”

And Stephie-Lou Who smiled, “every Who who comes here – even Updike!”

We’ll open back up after all getting calls

The deer, elk and goat heads place back on the walls

The whole month of January looking so grim

Will give way to a full schedule of shifts done by Kim

Gamekeeper’s Who’s will be eating again

Denise and her volume will be cranked up to TEN!

The Grinch will sit down w/a cold glass of milk

And carve the first piece of the South Island Elk!

And the server Whos serving with smiles on their lips

All of them raking in Gamekeeper’s tips

And al the Who guests that will walk through the door

Will smile because Gamekeeper’s is open once more!