I came across this handful of ideas of things to write about - it was part of the packaging for some art supplies I bought. There are ten ideas and as I write through the coffee on this beautiful, sunny but cool Sunday morning, I thought these ideas would be better than our negative political climate & get my overthinking mind off of the unpleasant things. So here's a little bit of those:
1. A family of laughing police cars:
All was well in the small town city budget - 5 brand new police cruisers were delivered on a Tuesday morning. The cars were shiny, filled with the classic new car smell - which would go mostly unnoticed and unappreciated in a police car, but for the first time an officer gets behind the wheel. The likelihood of anyone riding in the back seat and remarking on the new car smell seemed non-existent - think about it, a guy being ushered into the back seat with his hands cuffed behind them, stopping for a second, "Hey...man, I love that new car smell"...see what I mean? Almost never happens.
Nonetheless, each officer who got behind the wheel of the new cruisers would briefly appreciate the new wheels, but it wouldn't last long. These were mechanical beasts of burden, outfitted with whistles and bells that all meant business, from the metal cage gate that separated the occupants of the backseat from the officer(s) in the front seats, to the radio, computer and firearm mounts, there was little in the way of comfort or luxury options.
In under a mile of driving the new cruisers, the new car thrill was gone. No one would utter the words, "New cruiser? NICE, I like it! Do you love it?" Never happens. So all was well, business as usual until a call came in for an accident across town calling for nearby units to respond. A quick flip of the siren switch, and suddenly the sound of laughter, loud and completely overwhelming. What the ....it was as if God himself was laughing at the citizens of Mayberry. What was so funny? There wasn't time to find out, all nearby units responding - and all of them wondering what was so funny about an accident they were en route to.
The responding officers weren't the only ones who wondered what was so funny to account for loud laughter overriding the sounds of city life. Every passer by on the sidewalks looked - what was so funny about a police car speeding through a traffic light with their lights flashing?
It would take a good a while before anyone figured it out. Three officers arrived on the scene of the accident, shut off their sirens and left their flashing lights on, quickly tending to things like calling for an ambulance, a tow truck and directing traffic around the scene of the accident. No one really noticed the laughter had stopped, no one gave thought to the fact that the company that manufactured sirens, also created laugh tracks for television shows - and someone at the factory had pulled off a major prank on a dare - your tax dollars hard at work.
2. Very polite bad guys:
His manners would be his downfall - which was ironic, because he was the most pleasant and polite person to anyone he came across. Please and thank you. Excuse me. Would you mind..., pardon me, every pleasantry imaginable flowed off of his tongue towards every single person he came into contact with. It was absurd actually, almost like a polite version of Tourette Syndrome. Any of this may have passed being greatly appreciated, or completely unnoticed but for one fact: The man made his living robbing people at gunpoint.
He was so polite that sometimes more than half of his intended targets didn't take him seriously. How does one not take someone holding a gun on them seriously? Manners. This guy was so polite that most people assumed his gun couldn't possibly be loaded. It was. No one ever found that out the hard way, but his gun was indeed loaded. Hard to explain, I know...but here, here's an account of one such scenario, we have a perfect subject for a target. A flawlessly dressed businessman, nice suit, getting out of a Mercedes sedan, his Rolex easily spotted. All visible signs pointing to a man with a wallet that might just make his day, if the owner of said wallet would only be kind enough to hand it over...
Kind enough to hand it over? I know, simple thief with a gun logic would dictate along the lines of, "Look, GIVE me your wallet voluntarily, or I shoot your ass and TAKE it!" - the problem was, Larry the Bad Guy was blessed and cursed with impeccable manners. Crime and manners don't exactly go hand in hand:
Larry: Excuse me, Sir...Good morning, may I please have your wallet, your cell phone and that Rolex? As you can see, I have a loaded gun and I'd hate to have to use it, so if you don't mind...
Target: (smiles & laughs a little bit) You're kidding right? My partner set me up...where's the camera??
Larry: Oh, no...no one set you up, I can assure you! I'm not kidding at all, and listen, I really don't want to take up too much of your time and I have to be moving on, as I mentioned, I have this loaded gun (gestures toward the loaded pistol in his hand...
Target: Very funny, who put you up to this? This is hilarious - you're getting all this on camera, right?
Larry: No, please...just hear me out, there's actually nothing funny here, my gun is loaded, there's no camera - oh God, No - that would be awful, anyway, please - if it's not too much trouble, give me your wallet and your watch - never mind the cell phone. (fires off a shot into his intended victim's car tire)
Target: Jeezus! This isn't funny - enough already!
Larry: I'm sorry I had to do that, but I'm really not kidding and I'd hate to have to hurt you, please...your wallet and your watch and I'll be on my way
Something like that - there's really no room for manners out on the streets if you're determined to live a life of crime. As you can imagine, Larry had chosen the wrong line of work.
...and there you have it. I was told to write off the top of my head, picking any source of inspiration I ran across and instructed to write and post it. And so, I did.
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