A few years ago I was part of a group of people who organized raising money to help a friend who needed a bone marrow transplant. We sold rubber wristbands to raise money for the guy and we had his initials, J.A.M. put on these bands. I don't remember how many we bought, but it was a lot. I do remember how wonderful it felt seeing so many people helping out in so many ways and how quickly people did just that. I lost count of how many people donated money and told us to keep the bands. Thankfully the friend we helped, James Allen Martin, is alive and well today.
That was more than five years ago. I've had hundreds of these wristbands sitting in my attic since then. Didn't even think of them until the other day when I called an old friend. This particular friend's wife is battling breast cancer. He's an accomplished photographer and he's taken photographs of his wife's battle against cancer and they have shared these photographs all over the world. These photographs have won a People's Choice award and are they are a moving look at what these two people are dealing with on a regular basis in this battle that they didn't choose. At first glance these photographs are not easy to look at. Taken at first glance, some of these photographs show anguish, anxiety, fear and pain that are painful to contemplate - let alone live with. In the words of one friend, these photos are intense. Indeed many of them are.
For me, I found it possible to look beyond my first glance - because my first glance makes me want to look the other way and not have to see or give thought to what two people I care about are going through. It's sad, it's painful and I feel powerless to do something to help them. Wait a minute. Look beyond this painful first glance, and you can see wonderful things here. Stay with me. Look beyond your first reaction and you can see love. This is love that is standing up to being tested and you can see it in these pictures. You can see love between two people and it's a love that never gives thought to going away because life threw something at them that no one signs up for, that no one wants. You get a sense of a man that I've had the pleasure of calling a friend, a man who I've known as one of the most kind-hearted and thoughtful people to have ever been part of my own journey in this life be the very definition of husband that said "I do"
Beyond the first glance of these photographs I get a sense of the courage it takes to fight this daily battle and share it with the world. The most wonderful thing I get though, is the sense of love that exists between my friend and his wife. Perhaps there is no better example of the phrase there, but for the grace of God, go I - but I don't look at these photographs and think about the friend I met years ago. I think that in the blink of an eye, our roles could be reversed. What touches one of us touches us as well. We're all connected and I think God wants it that way. We have to think of others because no matter what someone is dealing with or experiencing, that is us. We are there. I look at these photographs and if I think for a second that it hurts me to look, or to feel even the smallest fraction of pain, that this is the normal that has been redefined for two people that I have love for - and there are many more people all over the world who are fighting their own battles like this.
I look because I care - would I rather see photographs of my friend and his wife on vacation or doing anything other than sharing their life moments in this battle? Absolutely. And I know they would rather be sharing those kinds of moments - but these are the moments that life has thrown at them. Their love for one another, their very souls and who they are as people, are bigger and stronger than cancer. The courage it takes both of these two to share moments like these is completely inspiring. It lets me in to the life of two people I care about. It lets me feel the energy and love, the empathy for them that comes from family and friends taking a minute to say that if these are the moments you have to share, all of us are going to share them with you and every one of us wants what the two of you want - life, love, happiness, pain free days and nights for both of you - miracles. If you're going to share with us that there is pain, fear and anything else you don't want, we're going to share with you how much we don't want that for you as well. And when you share your best moments with us, we're going to be happy and thankful with you. We're coming with you Jennifer and Angelo in any and every way we can. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
I hung up the phone with Angelo the other day and suddenly it hit me that these wristbands weren't done with their mission - I thought about how the initials could swap themselves out - James Allen Martin...Jennifer & Angelo Merendino - how connected all of us are. In small ways, in ways that are perhaps larger than any of us can know - we're all connected. Love wins.
Tomorrow night, Friday, November 18th, Angelo's exhibit of 35 photographs he's taken of Jennifer in their battle that they didn't choose, kicks off with an opening benefit at the 78th Street Studios. Here's a link to a radio interview Angelo did earlier this week: http://www.ideastream.org/an/entry/43565 - Angelo comes in around 37:15. Take a listen and see how amazing and inspiring his attitude is, because if you do, you'll hear what makes it easy for me to look at these pictures and not let these two people out of my thoughts and prayers. I don't take many weekend nights off in the line of work that pays most of my bills these days - but I can't think of a better reason than to attend tomorrow night's kickoff for my friend's exhibit. I know the turnout will be a wonderful show of love and support for two wonderful people. I know that everyone who comes out tomorrow night will be part of an incredible sense of people coming together to show love and support that is much more powerful than cancer and sadness. Those last two things will be there, hanging around like the uninvited party crashers they are - but no one is going to make them feel welcome, because they're not - they don't belong here. None of us know who let these two in, but all of us who show up tomorrow night - either in person or in spirit, will know that none of us came to see them. There is a much better reason to be a part of this and no party crashers are going to spoil that.
For anyone reading this who knows Jennifer and Angelo, me or anyone who's planning on going tomorrow night if you're in the Cleveland/Akron area, I want to encourage you to come and be a part of this show of love and support. There's more information at these links: www.angelomerendino.com, www.mylifewithbreastcancer.wordpress.com, or www.78streetstudios.com - if you can't attend tomorrow night but would still like to donate, you can contact Angelo at : bobpsbeats@gmail.com
Last night Jen went back to the hospital. Late this morning I got a text from Angelo: Heading to Cleveland at Jen's request. Enough said.
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