I have this saying about Grandparents: Being a Grandparent is life's ultimate promotion. The wisdom of my own Grandparents still amazes me to this very day - and they've been gone for years. The longer my own earthy journey continues, the more I'm amazed by how wise my grandparents were. If they were ever wrong about anything, it was never in front of me. I felt loved unconditionally, every single minute I was around my grandparents - they wouldn't have had it any other way. Family was everything to Don & Louise Vincent, and what a family they had.
I carry as much of my Grandparent's wisdom around as I possibly can, as a grown man I'd give anything to talk to them again, to say what they knew - and although nothing got by them, and they knew I loved them as I knew they loved me, I would've loved to say to them in no uncertain terms what it took me well into adulthood to realize. Imagine the chaos of eight kids, everything shared, passed on and serving a purpose. There's no room for waste with a household the size of the Vincent family!
Louise Vincent didn't work outside her home - eight kids is a full time job, and she killed it on the daily. Never had a driver's license. Never drove a car - at least I don't think she ever drove a car. So what did she do? She raised her family. She kept her home spotless - I don't ever remember her house being messy, nothing was ever out of order. From my earliest memories of being in my grandparent's home, her house was always spotless. That's no small feat with that many kids around.
With a family Vincent-sized, it's a given that there would be large family gatherings. The house that sat at the top of the hill in Loudonville is still clear in my memory. By the time they'd moved to that house, not all of my eight aunts and uncles were living at home. There were still enough people in the house that it can't have been easy to keep that house as clean as it always was - and it was indeed always clean. Always.
I have trouble deciding what I'm going to make myself for any given meal at times. Louise fed eight kids - and she could cook! Don Vincent kept order at her dinner table - quietly. He never was one to raise his voice - he never was one to have to. Oh you just knew. I've heard stories about how some of my aunts and uncles were...well, snapped back into order at the dinner table. By the time I was old enough to remember sitting at that table, there was a constant unspoken law of order. I don't know how my grandfather did what he did, never raising his voice, seldom raising a hand. He didn't have an intimidating stature - until he needed one, and you just knew not to push it. He'd set you straight with one clam look. If you had any smarts, you didn't make him have to speak - and if you'd gotten to where he did speak up, that would've been your last opportunity to straighten up, because action would follow. Again, I'd heard stories - but I think by the time I was...well, old enough to test certain household rules, both of my grandparents had seen it all before. There was nothing any grandchild was going to throw at them that they hadn't seen before - eight kids, do the math - and that's a lot of math. A lot. Math had to be their strongest subject.
The advice my grandmother gave out was magical. Calm, delivered with a strong Catholic faith. Louise Vincent's faith never wavered. She was right about every little tidbit of wisdom she ever shared with me - and with eight kids, no one was better at sharing than Louise Vincent. To this day, Vincent's are great at sharing. Everything. How can anyone grow up in a household that large and still feel that there's plenty to go around? Sharing.
Being a grandparent is an honorable role. My grandparents fit that role perfectly. They were all too willing to sidestep things that my parents were not so willing...you know, allowing some things that neither mom or dad may have done - but at no time did they ever undermine my parents. They were often willing to say yes, but never did so unless it was okay with my parents - ultimately, you'd want such moments of permission and/or special consideration to fall at a time when the call could be made without having to ask mom or dad. Grandparents are wonderful at saying yes. Don and Louise Vincent were no exception - but they were not suckers by any stretch of the imagination. In the unlikely event that you pulled a fast one on either of them, let's just say that your success was very short lived. Very short lived.
I have always felt incredibly humbled by my elders - that continues to this very day, despite the fact that I'm a grown man. My grandparents knew that I loved them, because I learned how to love my family from them. As a child it wasn't something I thought about focusing on - but that's often how grandparent wisdom works - you soak it up when your around them and you reach adulthood and you start to realize all the ways things like that happen. The love of my grandparents, the love they had for their wonderful family, was warming - like sunshine warming your very soul.
Thoughts like these loom large in my heart these last couple of weeks. I have dear friends who have had to say goodbye to a mother and grandmother who touched so many lives and was like an extension of my own family elders. Another dear friend is facing saying goodbye to a grandmother. My entire heart aches for the people in my life in the midst of this. I never liked saying goodbye to my grandparents any time I was around them. I just wanted to stay, to bask in the love they surrounded me and the rest of our family with. There is no safer place than that. I can still do that, having been given enough of that love to carry it on my own journey - but that gift is exactly what I would like to tell Don & Louise Vincent that I'm grateful for in no uncertain terms. There was so much meaning and genuine any time I was around them, and the longer they have been gone, the more I realize how much they gave their family.
For those of you facing this sad and difficult part of your journey - I wish you peace, and may you know that you will carry the love and wisdom given to you. Every day up to this one is what has made the journey worth it - let your fondest memories comfort you, beyond the scope of what is right in front of you. My reflections as I finish the coffee portion of this beautiful Sunday morning. Peace, good people - for those of you in my heart that I've shared these thought with, you know who you are - I wish you peace and comfort.
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