Would that I could, this Halloween, dress up as a giant drum of MSG, that magical flavor enhancer that most Asian restaurants use to make their food taste so good. My problem with MSG is that it's basically salt, and I'm a guy who almost never picks up a salt shaker. These days I try to eat as healthy as I know how to being middle aged( yet a bit more youthful than my years). I also tend to think that if you have good ingredients and you do the right things with those ingredients, you don't really need some magical flavor enhancer.
So I struggle with working for an employer who is a bit less than honest about the use of MSG in his food. We live in an age where more people want to know what they're eating for all kinds of reasons, such as allergies - and these can be minor to very serious. Some people simply don't like things and will avoid what they don't like at all cost. I struggle with knowing so much less about the food I'm serving to people because my boss thinks that anyone who asks about his ingredients is asking because they want to copy his recipe. So many times when I ask him about a specific sauce when a customer has asked me to find out something for them, he'll answer "It's a brown sauce." - I can see that. Duh.
And so it is, my thoughts of dressing up as a big drum of MSG. I think it would be hilarious to have a big red drum covering me from say, just above the knees up to my shoulders and walk around visiting the tables, tossing handfuls of white MSG everywhere - "I make EVERYthing taste GOOD, M-S-G...yeah, you KNOW me!"
I could visit every table, like a manager - "how's everything taste tonight folks?...good, right? Damn straight it does, that's what I come to work for people, it's what I come to work for!"
For all of the people who ask for no MSG in their food, I could visit their tables too - "Good evening folks, I understand you didn't want me in your food this evening - mind if I ask why?....allergies? Pffffffft, please! Allergies, schmallergies...nothing to worry about here folks, it's all in your head. I don't care what your waiter tells you, I've been intimate with each and every item on this menu - and I'm proud of my work, I personally sign off on each and every appetizer or entree that makes its way out of that kitchen - and I never miss a day of work, so put THAT on your fork and BITE ME, folks. Uh-oh....did I say that? what? I'm where? Good night folks - I'd like you to think of me whenever something tastes good."
No worries folks, I know that such a costume would be politically incorrect and I need my job to keep a roof over my head and food on my table - and I'm very blessed to be able to say I can do that when so many others can't these days. So I'll take the good with the bad, and hope that I will always see the glass as half full. I'm not wearing a costume this year - not that I've worn one for quite a few years. It would be kind of funny - but not everything funny needs to play out. Happy Halloween.
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