My mother has a favorite story about me when I was a child of perhaps two or three years old. She absolutely loves to share this story and I absolutely love it when she does. My stepfather, Steve, seems to feel that mom is embarrassing me when she shares this story with company in my presence. He needn't worry on my account, I'm not the least bit embarrassed when my mother tells this story. This really isn't my story to tell, it's my mother's story and she tells it much better than I. When I share it, I feel like I've stolen the world's funniest joke and the entire world knows it. I share the story because I love the way my mother's face and very kind eyes light up when she tells the story. They light up the same way when she's around her grandchildren - or even speaking of them for that matter.
As the story goes, my mother was in a store with my older sister, Lynne and her younger son, me, and things were not going well for her - mostly because of me that day. She says she reached a point where she couldn't stand it any longer and by it, she means me and my attempts at running amok in the store. How does a mother reach her boiling point and instantly know what she needs to do about it? I have no idea, but my mother had done exactly that.
My mother says she "Marched right over and grabbed a child harness that had a leash on it, and put it on him - right there in the middle of the store, in front of everyone." - What? First of all, when your mother is either marching, or telling you to march, this spells trouble. Mother's have no reason to march or tell their children to march unless they have reached their boiling point. Secondly, how in the world do you know where to find a harness to put an unruly child in? Does every mother know where to find these things in a store? Should they? For anyone who might be wondering where they might find such an item should they need it, I'm going to suggest you look right in the middle of the store - in front of everyone. They just might thank you.
So into my new harness I went. Mom didn't have to ask a store employee where to find the harness - she knew. She acted. The harness had a leash. Problem solved - or so she thought. According to my mother, what happened next was completely unexpected. Legend has it that I immediately seized the opportunity to capitalize on being in this harness with a leash. Quick thinking young lad that I was then, I got down on all fours shouting to everyone, right there in the middle of the store, the exact location where all child-restraining products are stocked, and announced that I was a dog. Then I started barking like one. I guess this numbed my mother, but before she could think of what her next action should be, a total stranger came to her rescue. Up walked a man who grabbed me, stood me up and smacked me on my ass and said, "now listen to your mother!" and in an instant he was gone.
I don't remember any of it. I love hearing my mother tell this story, and I hope to again soon. Another reason I'm not embarrassed to have this story told in front of me? I have a pretty good counter story, but I'll put that one in the next post.
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