I haven't posted here in quite a while. It's not as if my thoughts stopped running rampant through my mind - believe me, that never happens. Even when I'm sleeping, there's usually some f'd up dream that I wake up from thinking "ok...what the hell was that all about?" My point is, it never really stops.
So now, on a sunny Sunday morning that happens to be the first day of March (Thank God, because if nothing else, March is a big step towards Spring...even in Cleveland), I'm sitting here with my thoughts that have been fermenting over the last couple of months. Quite frankly, many of those thoughts are on cancer and how the dreaded C-word is the proverbial asshole who sits closer to you than you'd like them to. Sometimes it's easy enough to get up and move, other times the asshole doesn't stay long enough to negatively impact your life. Then there are times when no matter what you do, you can't get away from them.
I don't want to go into a lot of detail here - no names, out of respect for other people's privacy and what they are dealing with, going through and carrying around. Make no mistake about it though - everyone is dealing with, going through and carrying around something that we know little or nothing about. Yes, everyone. So without giving specifics, I'll just say that the asshole is now sitting right next to me. Long before the seat was taken, I'd had enough of the a-hole destroying the lives of good people. It doesn't matter if I'm close in anyone's inner circle, or on the outer fringe of acquaintance, I've had it with this asshole - I hate them.
The best we can hope for with this particular asshole, is that they give us a good scare and then give up and decide to leave us alone. They may have enlightened us on the how to of shifting our thought priorities onto the things that are really important on our earthly journey - and whether or not we'll admit or show it, from that point on we'll always be looking over our shoulder. That's because the thing about assholes is, they never know when to stop being assholes - nor do they give a fuck. Assholes are relentless and have no mercy. That's what makes them assholes.
So best case scenario, we get a good scare. Worst case scenario, we get destroyed, physically, emotionally, financially - and in any other ways you can think of. Throw in several more ways that none of us would have ever thought of. So fuck the C-word. For everything it's put anyone I care about through, and the other people who care, for every wonderful person it's taken from us, for every horrible thing it's made any of us go through. Forgive the vulgarity here, but this asshole doesn't care what it puts anyone through, nor how many other lives it destroys in whole or in part. Make no mistake about it, it's a lot of them.
So now this a-hole is sitting closer to me than I want them to. I want to sit here and mind my own business, keep my disbelief to myself. I want someone to understand how this may hurt me, how it's hurting me now, and how much I don't want anyone (much less anyone I love) to be bothered by this a-hole. Here's the thing though: No matter how afraid, concerned, depressed, hurt or worried I am over this, and no matter what I may do or have to do to help someone else or myself get through this, it's not about me.
In an election year that has the most fucked up political climate we've ever seen to date, why is there no candidate talking about a war on the asshole that sits too close to all of us at one time or another? Why isn't there someone pandering to the hatred for this asshole and vowing to take them out for all of us? We have enough food for people, we have enough knowledge by this point to know how important people are to act on the fact that we're all in this together. So why is no one leading chants to lock this asshole up? It seems to me that banishing this asshole from destroying or taking another life is more important than a wall - because no wall can keep this asshole out. Oblivious to borders, this asshole is. Seems more important than free education too - because this asshole doesn't care if there's a doctorate or a GED when they walk into a life. Don't try hiding behind a bible or a cross either - this asshole will sit right next to you in church too, without a thought about what you put in the collection basket. The war on drugs? Please. Look, there are lots of issues - and that's not really unique to this election year. I'm tired of this asshole having carte blanche. There you have it - my thoughts as I go through my caffeine for the day.
Be kind to one another, good people - and please let the people you love in your life know that you love them. And please don't forget that everyone you cross paths with is dealing with, going through or carrying something in their lives that is all of the following and then some: awful, bad, cruel, depressing, emotional, f'd up, grief-inducing, hard, irrational, justified - NOT, karma-driven, losing, mean, non-sensical, outrageous, painful, quieting, remorseful, sad, terrifying, unfair, vicious, woeful, X-TREMELY difficult, your choice here ________, and Z...well, you get the picture hopefully. We just never know. For those of you who either have dealt with the C-word, or are dealing with it now in any way - no matter how close the asshole is sitting to you, my heart goes out to you - and more than I can express, I know. Our lives are made up of years, from months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds - and in every one of those subdivisions is the potential for incredible meaningful moments because of the most important thing of all: PEOPLE. Let's make the subdivisions COUNT -because whether or not a proverbial asshole sits next you, we just never know. Peace, good people.
CRO
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