Really?

I work in a place that raises questions constantly - silly questions that come up over, and over, and over again. Just when I think I'm done scratching my head over how the people I work with and for do things, they throw something else into the mix and the whole thing starts over. Last night I stood in wonder as one of the owners walked behind the bar with what amounts to a very cool junior high school shop project. I say junior high because that's about the age range for someone to actually think what she was intending on putting behind the bar was actually cool and/or appealing.

What did she have? Brace yourself - it's not pretty, not even close. She was holding a half gallon empty Tanqueray Gin bottle, lovely shade of green that those are, that had a light socket fitted on the opening and the wrong kind of light bulb in the socket which made the red lamp shade sit all caddwampus on it.
Oh no she didn't - how could she? Really? Oh but she did - and she was proud of it! Who is proud of such tackiness? She was folks, I swear to you, she was.

There are times when a thought comes to my head and the instant that it does, words come out of my mouth. Most of the time I'm safe from that happening - but there are times when it just happens and last night was one of those times. Here's how it played out:

Me (speaking): "That is the tackiest thing I've ever seen!"

My boss (speaking, assuming she was being informative): "That's a Tanqueray bottle."

Me (thinking, being amazed, confused and a host of other things): Duh. Double duh! Really? Really twice, three, four times. Duh. Fucking duh. Not only is it a Tanqueray bottle, but it's a flippin' half gallon Tanqueray bottle with a handle on the back and now it's sitting behind the bar lit up like it's something to display proudly. Right where my credit card terminal should be so that I don't have to walk all the way across the restaurant when I need to run a credit card for a customer - yes, much better to have an empty gin bottle that's made into a crappy looking lamp, than to have something that would actually make a job I do very well just a little bit easier - but no, you always,always seem to make it harder. I know what that is, I'm amazed that you actually think it's something that looks good and had to be placed there - but it's your place, do what you want. Don't expect me not to laugh though, and boy am I ever laughing. So are my customers I might add - yes, I will add that they too are getting a laugh over this newest addition. So there, I said it.

Yes folks, there is a tacky lamp made from an empty half gallon bottle of gin, sitting right beside the register behind my bar - and yes, it is my bar when I'm back there, 'cause I rule behind that bar, and rule supreme people. Thankfully Halloween has passed and the giant hellish Jester with the light-up demon eyes is gone. My boss said that when she was at Mr. Fun she saw a similar looking figure that was dressed as a waiter with a tray of drinks - said she was going to buy it because it looked like me. Thanks? I shudder to think of what she must have paid for the giant hellish court jester - it can't have been cheap. I scratch my head when I think that the best place she thought to put such a thing, and mind you this hellish looking thing was not well received, was right by the time clock at the front desk - really? From my standpoint, I don't want something like this anywhere near me. I also can't for the life of me wrap my head around anyone, even a Chinese woman, saying that this hellish court jester, all of seven feet tall with its light-up demon eyes is.....wait for it........cute.

Cute is any of the following: puppies, kittens, babies/children, ducklings, bunnies...it is so not some hellish skeleton court jester towering over you with red L.E.D. eyes - Halloween or not. My boss said that the red lamp shade that sits caddywampus on the gin lamp is going to bring me good luck. Luck? I've got better things than luck in my favor, but thank you...I suppose. I'm wondering just how long this gin lamp is going to be there. I'm okay with it as a source of amusement - but I can find more things to laugh at around that place than I can find grains of rice, and I work in a Thai place folks.