My Bartender Says...

I have this running joke with a friend from work - she refers to me as her bartender, kinda like her doctor, her hairdresser, her mailman. We laugh about this, and while I can't speak for her, the amusement on my end comes from thinking about how one might refer to any of these people labeled with a profession in the following manner:

a) My doctor says I should exercise more.
b) My hairdresser says I should try this special shampoo.
c) My mailman says that I should always send important letters via certified mail.
d) My bartender says I should have another drink.

One can easily justify following the advice of these people - at least letters a through c., because:

a) He's a doctor - he makes his living by making people healthy, therefore he should know about things that would be good for his patients.
b) She's a hairdresser - she makes her living taking care of people's hair, therefore she should know about things that would be good for someone's hair.
c) He's a mailman - he makes his living delivering mail, therefore, he should know about things that one should do with important letters.
d) He's a bartender - he makes his living by making things for people to drink, therefore he should know when someone is thirsty.

Oh it's not always so simple, and yet at the same time, it is. A bartender can be expected to do any or all of the following things: Serve a customer drinks and/or food, answer questions about food and/or drinks, amuse people, comfort people (I guess there's a lot of room in the term comfort), greet/welcome people, provide sports scores (something I notoriously suck at), put the game on, turn the game off, "make me something good", "make me something bad" (hello Cement Mixer shots) listen, not listen, settle a bet, provide a trivial answer about damn near anything, or shut the hell up, and in general, know who's Pope. It's kind of all fair game at any given moment, surprising as any of it can be. You wear a lot of hats in this gig folks.

 If you're not feeling well and that continues, you'll most likely call your doctor. If you need a haircut, you may prolong it, but sooner or later you're gonna see your stylist. Mail questions/issues? You know who to ask. Have a bad day at work? You will likely see your bartender. The following conversation will not take place:

Man or woman having a bad day at the office - any profession will do:

Holy God am I having a bad day - I'm gonna call my bartender, see if I can get in tonight immediately after work. Dials a number, phone rings:

Bartender: Riley's Bar & Grill, Mick speaking...

Man or Woman: Oh thank God you're open. Listen, I'm having the crappiest day at work - can I get in tonight as close to 5:30 as possible?

Bartender: Whaddya know, I just had a cancelation - I can squeeze you in around 5:45 for a drink or ten...

Never happens. People don't make appointments with a bartender, they just show up. My favorite part of the showing up, is the moment where there is a mutual warmth in the exchange of "How ya doin'?"
I'm doing great - the first My Bartender Says post is now in the can...er, on the blog. I've no flippin' idea what the next one will be about, but hey, gotta start somewhere right? Have a great Tuesday and a great week people!