Life is Short

Many years ago, I was at work on what seemed to be a normal night behind the bar at The Inn at Turner's Mill. Given the events that would unfold that night, I can't recall if we were busy. I think it was just your average week night - and those can be very good nights sometimes. On this particular evening, it wasn't about sales or the money I'd make. Something very important - and sad, happened on that night.

I don't even remember the time, but I'd have to guess that it was around 7:30-8:00 in the evening. A gentleman came up to me and very calmly said words that I can still hear in this guy's voice to this day - and it's been over 23 years.

"I need you to call 911 right away - there's a gentleman having a heart attack at our table."

I probably took 5 steps towards the phone at the end of the bar. To this day I remember it feeling like those 5 steps took forever. 911 on a push button phone also seemed to take forever. I don't remember how many times the number rang, but it felt like too many. One seemed like too many. Time was suddenly being measured in split seconds, the tiniest fractions of time that I was completely aware of and needing to stretch them out into groups of minutes, long enough for this man to live. The whole series of events became a series of hand offs, with each person playing an important role, handing off to the next person, whose task was immediately more important than the one that came before it - because each time a new person had the next logical step in the sequence, they would now be acting in the only moment any of us had - the one we were currently in. The NOW.

Those fractions of seconds did seem to stretch, but not in the ways I wanted them to. Everything I did from my first step towards the phone felt like it was taking way too long, this was an emergency. It was life or death. When the dispatcher did pick up, I calmly told her where I was calling from and that it was an emergency, I had a gentleman having a heart attack in the middle of our dining room.

I know I spoke quickly and as calmly as I could, I do remember that. Then I remember the dispatcher asking what felt like way too many questions. "How old would you estimate the gentleman to be? Is he breathing? Does he appear discolored? Is he conscious?" - I don't remember specific questions, I just remember that I kept saying, "I don't know - he's halfway across the room from me and he's surrounded by people! Just get here!"

Hudson is a small, very New England like, affluent community. The restaurant was a little more than a small city block away from the police department. To this day it still feels like I was on the phone forever - but I wasn't. Nothing is forever, and I was probably on the phone for all of two minutes if I had to guess. I've had conversations with family & friends on the phone that lasted hours and flew by like seconds. When you realize that every split second counts, none of them are long enough.

The paramedics arrived quickly. Across the room I couldn't see much of what was going on. They did everything to try and bring this gentleman back, but he was gone. I have no idea how much time elapsed from the moment when I was told to call 911 and the time our guest passed away - right there in the dining room I made my living in. There were a handful of us working in the Tavern that night and all of us were now just numb. We stood there in shock trying to put ourselves back together after watching the paramedics cover a man up and take him out the front door.

None of us were the same after what had just happened in front of us. I knew that I acted quickly and calmly. But I still wondered. I knew that the dispatcher did her job perfectly. I still wondered. I knew I answered her questions as well as anyone standing in my vantage point could have. I wondered. I knew the paramedics got there quick. Wondered.

All of us in the room that night didn't have to say it, but we all knew the exact same thing. In that room that night, someone's earthly journey stopped. None of us were ready to think about something like that, even with all of us being adults. None of us knew the man - hell I didn't even see his face. Somehow we all decided to go out for a drink and just be there for one another.

The server who was waiting on the party of businessmen the deceased man was having dinner with, said that the guy had actually said moments earlier to his associates, that he'd had a very good life and he'd have no regrets if he were to die that very night. I think we all thought the guy would be okay, the paramedics would do their job and the guy would live, but that was not to be. Everyone did do their job perfectly that night - the dispatcher, the paramedics, the gentleman who came up to my bar and asked me to call 911 and me, in calling and giving the dispatcher the run down on the emergency we were in the midst of. I can't speak for anyone else, but I still wondered. I doubt that I was the only one who wondered if anything they'd noticed or done could've changed the unfortunate outcome of that evening.

We talked a bit at Kepner's after our shift. None of us were laughing nor were we in the mood to. We were barely in the mood for a cocktail, but we all just knew that we needed each other that night. And we were there for one another.

My point in sharing this story isn't to look back on a very unpleasant memory. My point is that all of us went to work that night, thinking it was just another night at work. The business party at the table that night probably thought this would be just another business dinner after a day's work. Not one of us gave any thought to the very real possibility that our night would take a turn like this one did. But it did. In the short span of a few minutes, minutes that seemed to take way too long to pass so that we could collectively get back to saving a man's life.

In that short span of minutes, all made up of seconds and split seconds, a life came to an end right before our eyes. It didn't take long at all - it just felt like it did when it was happening. And then he was gone. Nothing was certain up to that point until the moment this gentleman passed away. The rest of us stood there putting ourselves back together. Back to our uncertain lives. Did this gentleman have a family? Was he happy? Was he sick? Was he a nice guy to work with or for? Was he funny?
These were things that none of us knew - maybe the people he was having dinner with knew. But none of us in the room that night knew what was going to happen in the blink of an eye. And for all any of us knew that night, it could happen any time. Because it could. And here's the important thing:
It CAN. Seconds from now. Minutes. Hours from now. Days. Weeks from now, months. If we're lucky years - years that fly by, made up of the segments of time that seem longer the smaller they are. In every split second that leads up to being a year - or years, there are moments we're in. Right up to the time it's someone's last moment. It's the one we're in that is the only one we know we have. And that moment is the one we can't get back when the day comes that there won't be another. For the sake of those you love and yourself, live present in that moment, and in the groups of those moments that all of us take for granted - much more than any of us should.

In a short few minutes, a life came to an end. I have no idea how old the gentleman was. It didn't matter. Had he been 100, a life had come to an end. It had taken him untold years to get to this point. Longer than it had taken some people, and in less time than it had taken others. But now we sat there and all of us collectively realizing that life is too short. No matter how many things seem to take forever, the fact is, life is much too short.

So my message here is not to cast a sad shadow over anyone's day while they read this, but rather to inspire anyone who might do so to realize just how short this life can be - and to cover you with the hope that if you have people in your life that you love and appreciate, TELL THEM. Tell them now. Tell them often, and then tell them AGAIN, and mean it - don't just say it. Hug them, thank them for whatever they have meant to you on your own journey, but please, TELL THEM. Every one of us is but a phone call, a diagnosis, an accident or other tragedy away from a moment that can end one life and alter others forever. Speak. Act. Appreciate the people in your life that make a difference. Forgive. Love. Help. Laugh. Be thankful for any and every opportunity to take notice of people and make every effort to never let them wonder what they mean to you.

A few paragraphs back, I said we all needed one another that night, and we all knew that yet none of us had to say that. The fact of the matter is, we still all need one another and every one of us would do well to actually say that and act on it. Now, right now - don't ask for time when time doesn't belong to anyone to give, give of your time when you have the opportunity to do so, because none of us really know if we'll get the chance we'll wish we had when the opportunity isn't going to present itself again.

                                                 The trouble is, you think you have time.

                                                        

Peace, good people. Today.

CRO

Writing Through The Coffee, A Quick Cheat, & Some Juice

It's Thanksgiving week, my birthday/honest calendar week and I sit here writing the random thoughts in my mind while looking out my front window at the snow falling on a grey early Winter morning. If I were to let the grey overall dampen my mood, I'd be sunk before I even stepped out the door. On the pine tree directly across my very humble abode, the snow catching on the needles is beautiful. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was sitting out on the patio writing through the coffee, looking at my Sunflower plants and watching the birds.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I thought of myself more as a dog person, and now there's a cat living here - matter of fact, she's sleeping curled up behind the laptop I'm writing this post on. I give a lot of thought to how different having a cat is compared to owning a dog. The more thought I give to both experiences, the more I realize that one isn't any easier, nor any worse than the other - they're simply two different pet/owner experiences. The more people comment on my switch, the more it seems that many people only focus on one or two good - or not so good, points. I'm of the opinion that the deck is equally stacked. Both experiences add more joy to life than doing without either one of them.

Both animals are interesting creatures. It's been many years since I've had to play any role in being responsible for a cat. I guess you could say that all of this is rather new to me, but it's nothing unique in any way. So there's all this to enjoy...and a few things that maybe aren't so enjoyable that go along with signing up for pet ownership. If you're not an animal person, there's no sense in trying to explain any of it - the why it's all worth it, the joy it adds to a life...you either get it or you don't. It's all about what you focus on. More on that in another post, I need to motivate myself for a good workout today, then get a thing or two done around here before I go into work. This day will be what I chose to make of it, and I'm shooting for wonderful. Who cares what the weather is doing?

Winter in Northeast Ohio tends to bother people a lot - yet none of the weather in these parts comes as much of a surprise, and all of it has its own type of beauty. For as long as I've called this area home, to piss and moan about even the worst of the weather, doesn't make much sense to me. If it were to bother me that much, then perhaps I should move. Mind you I'm not talking about tornadoes or floods, just any notion that the changes in our weather is anything that I should let sour my moods and make less of any day - because our days are gifts. All of them, not just the sunny ones.

My coffee tastes exceptionally good this morning. I've made it a goal to eliminate most of the sugar in my daily life, but in the Winter months I find it rather difficult not to cave and cheat a bit more often - case in point, pumpkin donut holes. How bad can a few tiny morsels of a donut be? Seriously, I mean I've had two this morning while I made two different kinds of fruit/vegetable juice....one with sweet potatoes, golden beets, turmeric, carrots, celery, ginger and lemon, the other a green juice w/celery, kale, spinach, cucumber, ginger and jalapeño. I'll drink this stuff throughout the next couple of days and then I'll grind up more vegetables and drink them.

I just got a new recipe for a different juice that I want to try a couple of times a week - more on all this in another post too. My point is that I'm looking for the positive things on this cold, grey day - and they're everywhere, right in the middle of the grey and cold. Why give the cold or the grey any props? I know that in a few minutes, I'll venture out. I have a warm coat and hat to keep me warm, a car that has all wheel drive and heated seats, a gym less than two minutes away, the desire to exercise more all the time, the awareness and desire to eat healthier all the time.

All of these things and more, I'm grateful for - they exist despite the grey/unpleasant areas in my daily life. They're all good things, and things I've sought out. Sometimes it's chasing the good things down like a Cheetah chasing down a Gazelle - do you want something better? Or do you want to lay still and just hope it comes to you? There's a reason that Cheetahs can run 70 MPH when they need to - to get to the nourishment they need. Be the Cheetah, chase down the things that nourish your soul. Or don't - focus on the grey, the cold or the things that may suck, but they're out of your control. For me, those things will be there and I just need to deal with them as best I can. Metaphorically speaking, if I'm chasing down the things that nourish my soul, I usually run right past the things that suck and don't even notice them.

So I cheated and had a few bites of a donut this morning with my coffee. The vegetable juice will cancel out the moderate amounts of sugar I put into my system, the power smoothie that has a ton of good things in it - including oatmeal, will fuel the workout I'm about to leave for - and the workout will make me feel better about all that will come afterward on this cold, grey day. And I will look favorably upon this day. I know of people who are facing things that suck and they simply cannot get away from them, and while I can't make any of that go away for any of them, I can stop and think about all there is in my life to be grateful for - and know that in the blink of an eye, I'm any one of those people. So all I can do on this day, or any other really, is to pay attention to what I'm focusing on, and wish for others all the goodness that I wish for myself. And I need to remain grateful. Every week and the days it contains, made up of moments...well, that's the journey and I need to be grateful for the journey.

There you have it, my thoughts as I write through my coffee. I wish you all peace. Chase down the things that nourish your soul. Peace, good people.

CRO

Thanksgiving Week

On my 12th birthday, my friend Joe Halay was excited about his birthday - which falls the day after mine, would be on Thanksgiving. He said there would be birthday candles in the turkey. When I got home from school that day, I told my mom that I wanted candles in the turkey next year - when my birthday would fall on Thanksgiving Day. The math that I hadn't done will never allow for that to happen. My mother informed me that the closest I would ever come to my birthday falling on Thanksgiving, would be the day before or the day after. My bubble had burst. Damn.

How many years later - more than I like counting, and it's that same scenario. My birthday is the day before, Joe's is on Thanksgiving - and he's preparing the Capon that I have yet to convince my own family to cook for this holiday dinner. Small world problems. My birthday never falls on Thanksgiving, another year and I still don't get the Capon for dinner that my boss inspires me to want every year for the last 7 years.

None of those minor disappointments are anything to let get to me. I have had a lot of birthdays since that disappointing day when I learned about the third Thursday in November never being on my birthday. So what. I'll eat turkey and all the traditional things...at least the ones that I like of those offerings, with my family - and I'm glad to say I can do that, so what does it matter when we can all sit down for a nice meal together? There was once a time when we did that daily, and with more family members than I get to do these days. So let us eat, let us enjoy being at the table together - because this journey is too short on times when we get to do that.

A client asked me the other night if this birthday is a milestone - I guess in a typical sense of milestones, it's not - but it is one that carries a bit of weight to me. I'm thankful that I get to keep having birthdays, and doing so in good health. I don't feel my age, but I'm well aware of the fact that the calendar doesn't lie to me - or anyone else. Time is the river that keeps on flowing - never stopping, barely slowing and certainly never backing up for having missed anything along the way.

It's the along the way that we're responsible for making the most of. It's up to each one of us individually to live in these moments along the way - and I'm too often guilty of letting far too many of these moments pass me by. The unfortunate thing is that none of us are allowed to back track.

For years I've passed my former employer's farmhouse several times a week. I should point out that these employers were the parents behind a wonderful family that I worked with off and on for over ten years starting in 1991. When our time together started all those years ago, I had no idea that this would be employment that would be so meaningful - and to this very day, I say that I worked with these people rather than for them, because that's how they made me feel. I left my job with the Buchanan family a few times over the years to pursue other aspirations, they welcomed me back a few times - without question, each time treating me as if I'd never left. If they were still in business, I'd still be with them.

My point in bringing this up is that for all the times I've passed by Ralph & Joan Buchanan's house, I've never done so without remembering that they always told me to stop by any time I did that. Once when I was driving by, Mr. B. (I could never bring myself to call him Ralph - nor call Mrs. B. by her first name (Joan) - I just had too much respect for them) was at the mailbox. I immediately slowed down so that I could wave to him and make sure he knew it was me. The next time I saw him in person he remarked that the next time I simply drove by and waved at him, without stopping to visit, that he would be flipping me the bird as I drove by. 

In the last two years, Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan have passed away. I still drive by their house several times a week, and every single time I do, I think of them and the wonderful memories I have of both of them. So many memories, all of which make me smile and warm my heart. Every single memory I have of those two makes me smile. Who gets to say that about people they worked for? How wonderful is that? Very, in my opinion. Very.

The difference in driving by their house now, hits me every time. I can't stop by now, and I want to - even just once. These are delightful people that I can no longer share a single moment with, and I never stopped to visit. They always told me to stop, and I know they meant it. Mr. B would've poured me a drink - or likely had me make us both one, and sit and talk for a bit. The house I never stopped at, to talk with people who made such an impact on my life, on my working life and in my life overall, aren't with us on this physical journey any more. The old farmhouse they called home isn't theirs now, having been sold  a few weeks back.

Now when I drive by the house, along with my wonderful memories of two amazing people whom I loved and who loved me, I'm flooded with the fact that I should've stopped by, once, more than once...and how it makes me sad that I no longer have the option. I let the finite amount of opportunities I had slip away until the day came when I don't have the option. Shame on me. None of the reasons why I didn't stop by any of the times I drove by their house, makes any sense to me now...I was too busy, I couldn't just stop by unannounced - really? I knew these people well enough to know that if they didn't want me to stop by and visit with them, they would've told me to simply hit my horn and wave. While there were times when I was busy and on my way to something, the reality is that most of the times I drove by that house, I could have stopped - even if just for a moment to say hello, and they would've loved it. I would've too - I loved every moment I was in their presence.

So my thought going into this birthday/Thanksgiving week, is to stop by when I see the chance. To call when I'm thinking of someone, to reach out - even if it's only on social media, to anyone a good memory pops up about, to notice these opportunities to connect and act on them. This journey is much too short and we owe it to one another to act on these moments with anyone we love - because there will come a time when we no longer have the chance to do that....and most of us will think back and wish we'd done so any of the times we had the chance.

My hope going into this week is that we all act on more of these precious, but finite opportunities to connect with those who mean something to us, now, while we still have the chance. Reach out to one another, good people, and let those you love know without a doubt that they're loved. Peace, and may we all have a great week. Much love.

CRO

A Grateful Sunday & an Honest Calendar

I'm normally off on Sundays - and I have this notion in my head that coffee never tastes better than it does on a Winter Sunday morning. Alas I'm done with the caffeine portion of the day, and on to better things. I try to spend a lot less time on any social media site these days. While the blue and white is good for keeping in touch with family & friends that are more spread out all the time, it just kinda sucks the life out of things. Lots of negative energy - although that's really easy enough to stay away from. I find myself shrugging it off. There's a real world out there to live in and that's where my energies are better placed - at least that's what I tell myself.

So it's a cold, grey Winter day - on the soggy side. I guess you could say the beauty of this day isn't obvious. These are the kinds of days when it's up to us to find the beauty - and it's out there, in here and all around me, regardless of whether or not the sun is shining. I just got off the phone with relatives and I feel fortunate to have them, let alone enjoying a bit of conversation with them. What if I ignored either of those facts? There will come a day when I'd give anything to have even fractions of the conversations I just had. And I did so with a roof over my head, heat, indoor plumbing and food on my table.

We're seconds away from the holiday season and every year I get a bit bothered by the fact that people from the Salvation Army stand in the entrance ways to stores - because it always feels like they should be there every day of the year. The days in between the holidays are just as important. We need one another just as much on those days, maybe even more. I strive to be a better version of myself, a kinder person, and more thankful - and it is my hope that I'm grateful for more than I ever take for granted. The fact of the matter is, I'm as human as anyone and I fail at things like this. For me , I just try to stay mindful.

I can always stop, even if only for a minute or two, and take notice of how there is always much more to be thankful for than there is for me to bitch about. Losing sight of that is only going to produce more things to piss and moan about. Sure, there are times when it doesn't seem like that's the case, but that's the stuff I need to push through, because there is always a lot to be thankful for - always. 

So I'll do my best to not pay mind to any of the small world problems that could easily take up space in my over thinking head - today, the day I'm in the midst of. The moment I'm in currently. Both of these things, the day and the moment, are gifts. Who's to say I'll have another? The man upstairs, that's who. This moment I'm in the middle of won't come again. I have wonderful people in my life, and one of the wonderful people in my life is an old friend who recently spoke about a cross country bicycle trip he took this Summer. On that trip, he said perhaps his biggest take away from the experience was in discovering that people are basically nice. Let that sink in, and if I were to have any trouble with letting that thought sink in, I can add my friend's closing line:

People are basically nice - and I endeavor to be one of them.

So there you have it, my thoughts as I write through the coffee, do a bit of self assessment on the things I may be worried about and the things that I owe it to myself to work on. People are basically nice. I endeavor to be nice. And grateful. Happy Thanksgiving week, y'all - I'm stealing another line that my friend said: I haven't felt my age for decades, certainly not this last one, but the Calendar is honest. Peace, good people.

CRO