I need new music, gotta have it, can't really live without it, not sure I'd really stop it even if I could. Yesterday was my lone day off this week - no complaints at all, but I was mostly unproductive. I spent far too much time wallowing in a self-induced funk. I didn't go to the gym, skipped the chores around here and got practically nowhere with some writing. At the end of the day, I started piecing together the funk I'd tossed myself into.
I gotta be honest here people and own every bit of it. Screw whatever it is that's bad, if I need/want to blame anyone, all I gotta do is look in the mirror. Days like this are rare for me. I have this saying that even on the worst of days, there is still so much to be thankful for - and there is. I have a responsibility to myself to notice at least some of that. Thoughts are very creative things, I truly believe that, and I'm usually much better at guarding my own thoughts and channeling them into my daily life - but this was not the case yesterday. Enough. Whatever was bad about yesterday was my own doing. None of it was anything I didn't create myself. So I manned up, I own that shit. Onward. I did a couple of things that helped me pull my head outta my own arse:
I accepted the fact that I alone am responsible for what I didn't like. Then I accepted the fact that I'm human and I'm bound to screw up from time to time. Next up, I told myself that I was the only one who could pull my head outta where it doesn't belong in the first place. If I'm looking for someone, or something else outside of me to do that in any way, then my head is gonna stay there - y'know, up my arse. Now's a great time for an F-bomb. Fuck that. Boom.
So I rolled up my sleeves, metaphorically speaking, and began to pull. I worked on some writing - and although I got nowhere with it, I started to see where I wanted to go and more of what I should be doing to get there. I got a letter from my virtual record store that offered to match dollar for dollar, my music bonus packs. When it comes to music, I'm an addict people - don't expect me to turn down fiddy dollars worth of free music if all I gotta do is spend fiddy dollars to get it.
...and so, he did.
Dig thy savage soul. New music. Barrence Whitfield & The Savages, a 91 tune collection R&B/Soul - real R&B/Soul, not the laughable shit, Mazzy Star...and I'm only done for the moment. The Sheepdogs...hot damn, do I ever love finding music that I wasn't hip to. You can keep your Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga and probably most of the other stuff at the top of the charts, no offense meant. I'd rather look under the rocks off the side of the path. That's what works for me. Ah...starting to see light, and all I had to do was pull my head outta my arse.
Things aren't so bad. So I did a couple of boneheaded things, I don't really have much in the way of an explanation, so I'll cut myself some slack and look forward. I installed not one, but two, revenue generators on my blog that should help optimize things a bit - at least I think I installed them. I looked on my tracking site and saw that my audience is growing, and good, bad or indifferent, when I write, more people are reading - even when that's a mystery to me. I do need to give a shout out to my friend/coworker, Emelie. She has a blog and she's pretty much fearless in writing about whatever the fuck she wants to write about. Yeah, I said it - dropped another F bomb. Deal with it. I admire her conviction to write about whatever she wants to and the fact that she'll tell the world she wrote it too. That, to me at least, is brave, and you need to be brave. I need to be brave.
I have another friend/coworker, Veronique, who just started a blog recently. I don't even remember how I found it, but her blog floored me - because she's one of the funniest, smart ass minded people I've ever come across, and I mean that in a good way. That comes out in her blog - so much so that if I read it without knowing it was her writing, I'd think of her.
Then there's another blog that is loaded with writing that just drips with funny. All of a sudden things start looking better and I know that all I need to do is to keep moving. So I did some attitude adjusting and listened to music and found inspiration in that, and from three different writers - all of whom inspire me for numerous reasons, to get off my ass and do something. Blah, blah, blah - I know, I know. But dig, if you will, thy savage soul. That title cracks me up. No reason.
So I'm up and out of my funk, which was completely self-induced. Oh, before I split for the day, here are the three blogs I spoke of:
http://louisianasissy.blogspot.com
http://awkwardlyaliveandpleasantlypeculiar.com
http://mimismartypants.com
Damn, I was seriously feeling so much better, and then I see that yet another great drummer that I admired, Tommy Wells, has passed away. Too soon. Great memories of meeting him when I worked in Nashville, telling him how cool I thought one of his early bands was and how happy I was when I found one of their releases, and how funny I thought his license plate that read "2 and 4" was. RIP Tommy. More than a little ironic that I get news like this on the anniversary of the day the great John Henry Bonham left us. Alright good people, I'm outta here for now. Life is many things, including wonderful, fragile and sometimes far too short. Live it. Our days are gifts, and gifts should be appreciated.
Sarcasm spoken here
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
I get my Tupperware fo' FREE...and impossible pet names
I just saw something on Facebook that was mildly amusing: a pie graph that showed the breakdown for Tupperware use - with the majority of the time being taken up by, and I'm quoting here, "Searching for the right fucking lid." Storing rotten food was the next highest and finishing dead last with a mere fraction of the time Tupperware was intended for, was storing fresh food.
Here's a couple of things about Tupperware and me:
1) I think Tupperware is fucking great when I need it...provided I can find the two exact pieces that I need.
2) All the Tupperware I need comes filled with things I eat and/or use in my kitchen daily, such as healthier butter-like spreads, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese. The downside to this, is any of the following: A) Advertising for healthier butter-like spreads, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese B) sometimes I forget about the Greek yogurt and cottage cheese - but that's also how I know that storing rotten food in Tupperware rates as number two. C) Storing something like leftover tomato sauce in Tupperware will render it unappetizing for storing anything that doesn't have a tomato sauce base in the future - yes, you can do it, but you'd just rather not. For those of you who don't believe me, betcha twenty bucks if you bought some cottage cheese, opened it and saw a tomato sauce residue on the inside container, you're gonna return it. Bam. Gotcha there.
3) I've no idea if they even have Tupperware parties these days, never been to one, safe to say that I never will go to one - because I get my Tupperware fo' free. I have, however, dated a woman who loves going to things like Tupperware parties. Seriously loves it to this very day - last I heard. She may not have loved what a smart ass I was when she tried to get me to go to a Tupperware party with her once:
Ex GF: Will you go to Sarah's Tupperware party with me?
Me: Yeah, right.
Ex GF: Why not?
Me: Why on Earth would I go to a Tupperware party? I have all the Tupperware I need in that cupboard...
Ex GF, opens cupboard, looks mildly annoyed/disappointed/like I'm lying to her: All that's in here is a ton of empty food containers. You need Tupperware stuff - none of this crap is Tupperware.
Me: Semantics, what does Tupperware do that anything in that cupboard won't do just as well?
Ex GF: It looks a lot better, and it comes in different colors, has color coded lids...you have a bunch of empty cottage cheese containers - there's no color coding there.
Me: I don't need color coding - I pick a cottage cheese container, and a lid that says cottage cheese on it...
Ex GF: You're such a smart ass!
Me: Thanks, I like your hair.
Some things are never meant to last. I have had official/licensed Tupperware products here and there...but none of them were ever paid for, at least not by me. Actually, I have no flippin' idea where any piece of Tupperware I might have came from. Undoubtedly, some of it had to come from leaving a Holiday dinner and was given to me with the instructions to return said Tupperware item - when I can. I won't name any names here, but they are the names of people who are disappointed. The moral of the story? Never get too attached to your Tupperware - it never ends well.
The real sadness in all of this free/faux Tupperware story, is that on any given day, I search through lids trying to find the one that will fit the container I'm about to use. Absurd, at least when I realize that the majority of my containers basically having the same fucking writing and graphics on the lids and containers - you'd think that would make it easy, but you'd be surprised just how something like 1/16" difference is the difference between my food being kept fresh - or allowing it to rot beyond recognition. I don't want much in a plastic food container, I just need it to stay closed and not leak. Anything less and I could knock it onto my kitchen floor while I'm looking for the one that on occasion, causes an unpleasant odor to waft through my kitchen. When that happens, it never fails to make my dog stop whatever he's doing and come running to my aid. The second he hears the sound of something hitting the kitchen floor, he comes running. Every. Fucking. Time. He could be sound asleep when something hits my kitchen floor. Not anymore, he's needed. Like most of the times my dog thinks I need something, he's mistaken.
Would that I could, figure out a way to name him after this sound - but it would have to be exact, there's no room for error here people. It's impossible - you can't spell the sound of what you just spilled - or dropped, onto the kitchen floor. You can't pronounce it either. There is no combination of consonants and vowels that will work...but if there were, I'd be rich if I could teach people the spelling and exact pronunciation of the sound of food hitting the kitchen floor. Think of it - dogs the world over would come, instantly - no matter what they were doing, they hear that sound, boom, they're at your side in an instant.
It's impossible people - don't even try it. Oh you're thinking about the genius of this idea right now, hell yes you are, if you've ever had a dog run out of your yard or out your front door, all the while ignoring you calling them back. Stop and think about it. If you could make the sound of a piece of meat or cheese hitting a kitchen floor, your dog will come back. Your dog could be running off, all like, "screw you, you never let me run around the neighborhood, I'll come back when I'm hungry or when I realize maybe this isn't such a good idea or when..."
You/Me/Anyone who has ever been ignored by your dog: Thuh-whapp!
Well, well, well....look who it is, right here at my/your feet, looking all hopeful.
You/Me/Anyone who has ever been ignored by your dog: Good boy!/Girl!/Dog!/Doggy!/Puppy!
Don't try and tell me it wouldn't work, if it weren't impossible. I know better - and so do you, if you're a real dog owner. Hell you'd never even have to raise your voice to call your dog. Think I'm full of it? Consider a snoring dog in another room who suddenly bolts to their feet and now has their nose at the exact spot you just dropped an olive on - the dog is there before the word shit even came out of your mouth.(And it did) My dog doesn't even like olives and he's still there every time. Right there. Guess what else? He ain't going anywhere soon, because he knows something else is going to hit that floor - and he's a bit pissed that I didn't wake him up to tell him I was going into the kitchen.
It's okay - be a little pissed that you didn't think of this idea first, but imagine a society where everyone's dog had barely discernible names.
Neighbor: What a great looking dog! What's his name?
Me: His name is thhwwip, named him after the whisper of a sound that a tiny piece of lunch meat makes when it hits the kitchen floor.
Neighbor: I'll be damned - does he come when you call him?
Me: Every single time -.thhwwip! Good boy!
Here's a couple of things about Tupperware and me:
1) I think Tupperware is fucking great when I need it...provided I can find the two exact pieces that I need.
2) All the Tupperware I need comes filled with things I eat and/or use in my kitchen daily, such as healthier butter-like spreads, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese. The downside to this, is any of the following: A) Advertising for healthier butter-like spreads, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese B) sometimes I forget about the Greek yogurt and cottage cheese - but that's also how I know that storing rotten food in Tupperware rates as number two. C) Storing something like leftover tomato sauce in Tupperware will render it unappetizing for storing anything that doesn't have a tomato sauce base in the future - yes, you can do it, but you'd just rather not. For those of you who don't believe me, betcha twenty bucks if you bought some cottage cheese, opened it and saw a tomato sauce residue on the inside container, you're gonna return it. Bam. Gotcha there.
3) I've no idea if they even have Tupperware parties these days, never been to one, safe to say that I never will go to one - because I get my Tupperware fo' free. I have, however, dated a woman who loves going to things like Tupperware parties. Seriously loves it to this very day - last I heard. She may not have loved what a smart ass I was when she tried to get me to go to a Tupperware party with her once:
Ex GF: Will you go to Sarah's Tupperware party with me?
Me: Yeah, right.
Ex GF: Why not?
Me: Why on Earth would I go to a Tupperware party? I have all the Tupperware I need in that cupboard...
Ex GF, opens cupboard, looks mildly annoyed/disappointed/like I'm lying to her: All that's in here is a ton of empty food containers. You need Tupperware stuff - none of this crap is Tupperware.
Me: Semantics, what does Tupperware do that anything in that cupboard won't do just as well?
Ex GF: It looks a lot better, and it comes in different colors, has color coded lids...you have a bunch of empty cottage cheese containers - there's no color coding there.
Me: I don't need color coding - I pick a cottage cheese container, and a lid that says cottage cheese on it...
Ex GF: You're such a smart ass!
Me: Thanks, I like your hair.
Some things are never meant to last. I have had official/licensed Tupperware products here and there...but none of them were ever paid for, at least not by me. Actually, I have no flippin' idea where any piece of Tupperware I might have came from. Undoubtedly, some of it had to come from leaving a Holiday dinner and was given to me with the instructions to return said Tupperware item - when I can. I won't name any names here, but they are the names of people who are disappointed. The moral of the story? Never get too attached to your Tupperware - it never ends well.
The real sadness in all of this free/faux Tupperware story, is that on any given day, I search through lids trying to find the one that will fit the container I'm about to use. Absurd, at least when I realize that the majority of my containers basically having the same fucking writing and graphics on the lids and containers - you'd think that would make it easy, but you'd be surprised just how something like 1/16" difference is the difference between my food being kept fresh - or allowing it to rot beyond recognition. I don't want much in a plastic food container, I just need it to stay closed and not leak. Anything less and I could knock it onto my kitchen floor while I'm looking for the one that on occasion, causes an unpleasant odor to waft through my kitchen. When that happens, it never fails to make my dog stop whatever he's doing and come running to my aid. The second he hears the sound of something hitting the kitchen floor, he comes running. Every. Fucking. Time. He could be sound asleep when something hits my kitchen floor. Not anymore, he's needed. Like most of the times my dog thinks I need something, he's mistaken.
Would that I could, figure out a way to name him after this sound - but it would have to be exact, there's no room for error here people. It's impossible - you can't spell the sound of what you just spilled - or dropped, onto the kitchen floor. You can't pronounce it either. There is no combination of consonants and vowels that will work...but if there were, I'd be rich if I could teach people the spelling and exact pronunciation of the sound of food hitting the kitchen floor. Think of it - dogs the world over would come, instantly - no matter what they were doing, they hear that sound, boom, they're at your side in an instant.
It's impossible people - don't even try it. Oh you're thinking about the genius of this idea right now, hell yes you are, if you've ever had a dog run out of your yard or out your front door, all the while ignoring you calling them back. Stop and think about it. If you could make the sound of a piece of meat or cheese hitting a kitchen floor, your dog will come back. Your dog could be running off, all like, "screw you, you never let me run around the neighborhood, I'll come back when I'm hungry or when I realize maybe this isn't such a good idea or when..."
You/Me/Anyone who has ever been ignored by your dog: Thuh-whapp!
Well, well, well....look who it is, right here at my/your feet, looking all hopeful.
You/Me/Anyone who has ever been ignored by your dog: Good boy!/Girl!/Dog!/Doggy!/Puppy!
Don't try and tell me it wouldn't work, if it weren't impossible. I know better - and so do you, if you're a real dog owner. Hell you'd never even have to raise your voice to call your dog. Think I'm full of it? Consider a snoring dog in another room who suddenly bolts to their feet and now has their nose at the exact spot you just dropped an olive on - the dog is there before the word shit even came out of your mouth.(And it did) My dog doesn't even like olives and he's still there every time. Right there. Guess what else? He ain't going anywhere soon, because he knows something else is going to hit that floor - and he's a bit pissed that I didn't wake him up to tell him I was going into the kitchen.
It's okay - be a little pissed that you didn't think of this idea first, but imagine a society where everyone's dog had barely discernible names.
Neighbor: What a great looking dog! What's his name?
Me: His name is thhwwip, named him after the whisper of a sound that a tiny piece of lunch meat makes when it hits the kitchen floor.
Neighbor: I'll be damned - does he come when you call him?
Me: Every single time -.thhwwip! Good boy!
Friday, September 20, 2013
Notice
Top of the morning to you. What a great day, and it's just getting started. I've had a rather slow week at work so far, and in the line of work that pays the bills - or at least gives 'em somethin' to chew on, hence keeping the wolf away from the door, that means the money hasn't been great. One of the slowest Thursdays in quite some time. Alright, enough of negative thoughts - that's more than enough attention to those - because there is still so much to be grateful/thankful for.
As I drove home last night, thinking about how my week has been, I passed through an industrial park that has men outside picketing. These are men who were forced out of their jobs. I have no idea what their jobs are, but I notice they're out there at all hours of the day and night - and in all kinds of weather. When it's cold outside, they're out there with fires burning, so obviously being out there is important to them. If that doesn't make me feel grateful for the work I have - but it does, then I can look around at any number of things that I'm lucky enough to experience as part of my day to day life. Maybe none of them are spectacular things, unless I have enough self-awareness to appreciate them.
Off the top of my head, work wasn't so bad last night. I had laughs that started the moment I got in the door. What's not to like about that? I worked with a guy who makes being at work more fun than I've ever had back there - even when we're getting our asses kicked, it's fun. I had people that made for a nice exchange of laughter the entire night.
I can share amusing dog stories with my boss's wife, I can be around people who like good food and drink, I can laugh and make others laugh. I can come home, and in the case of last night, do so early enough to stop and see one of my favorite bartenders. I can watch a movie in high definition, or better still, I can read a book, I can sit at my Mac and write - and yes, I know I've been dragging ass doing that lately, and there is food in my kitchen.
So while I've had better weeks at work in both of my jobs that I love, I have the whole weekend ahead of me, and perhaps being a bit slower than I'd like has allowed me to take time and notice more of the things that I shouldn't be taking for granted. It's a beautiful day outside, my dog is happy, I have loads of fresh fruit and vegetables to juice, food to eat, a gym to go to, and two good jobs, I'm healthy and in reasonably good shape and I know that I'm going to laugh quite a bit tonight at work.
I'm not saying that some things couldn't be better, but I am saying that more things could be worse and I'm glad that they're not. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends - many of whom are very inspiring, and when I'm at work, I work with people who are among the best in the business. Some of you may read this post and think it's completely dull and pointless. Some of you may read this and take a minute or two to realize that even on the worst of days, there is always, a lot to be thankful for. Do yourself a favor and notice at least some of that. Peace.
As I drove home last night, thinking about how my week has been, I passed through an industrial park that has men outside picketing. These are men who were forced out of their jobs. I have no idea what their jobs are, but I notice they're out there at all hours of the day and night - and in all kinds of weather. When it's cold outside, they're out there with fires burning, so obviously being out there is important to them. If that doesn't make me feel grateful for the work I have - but it does, then I can look around at any number of things that I'm lucky enough to experience as part of my day to day life. Maybe none of them are spectacular things, unless I have enough self-awareness to appreciate them.
Off the top of my head, work wasn't so bad last night. I had laughs that started the moment I got in the door. What's not to like about that? I worked with a guy who makes being at work more fun than I've ever had back there - even when we're getting our asses kicked, it's fun. I had people that made for a nice exchange of laughter the entire night.
I can share amusing dog stories with my boss's wife, I can be around people who like good food and drink, I can laugh and make others laugh. I can come home, and in the case of last night, do so early enough to stop and see one of my favorite bartenders. I can watch a movie in high definition, or better still, I can read a book, I can sit at my Mac and write - and yes, I know I've been dragging ass doing that lately, and there is food in my kitchen.
So while I've had better weeks at work in both of my jobs that I love, I have the whole weekend ahead of me, and perhaps being a bit slower than I'd like has allowed me to take time and notice more of the things that I shouldn't be taking for granted. It's a beautiful day outside, my dog is happy, I have loads of fresh fruit and vegetables to juice, food to eat, a gym to go to, and two good jobs, I'm healthy and in reasonably good shape and I know that I'm going to laugh quite a bit tonight at work.
I'm not saying that some things couldn't be better, but I am saying that more things could be worse and I'm glad that they're not. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends - many of whom are very inspiring, and when I'm at work, I work with people who are among the best in the business. Some of you may read this post and think it's completely dull and pointless. Some of you may read this and take a minute or two to realize that even on the worst of days, there is always, a lot to be thankful for. Do yourself a favor and notice at least some of that. Peace.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Later, that same day...
I'm not much for television - at least that's what I like to say. By that, I mean that I don't have cable, don't have a DVR, don't watch a lot of shows religiously. But there are things I like to watch. I did away with the cable and the DVR a few years ago. Had 'em both for a while. When I first got the DVR, a buddy told me it was going to change the way I watched television - and it did. Even with just basic cable, I found programs that I suppose were at least mildly addictive.
When people ask me if I watch certain shows, my answer is almost always no - because I work nights. Hell, when Seinfeld went on the air, I didn't see it for the first three years. I was fine with that. With the advent of DVR, it didn't matter that I work nights. For a little while, actually longer than I would've thought - or liked, DVR was great. But then I just got to the point where I realized that I don't want to sit on my ass and watch so many things.
I grew up in a time when people had favorite shows, but if you liked watching something, you watched when it came on network television, and you waited another week until the next episode. You lived your life in the gap between episodes. I can't think of specific shows and episodes I missed, but here's the thing: I lived.
I'll admit that I have some guilty pleasures in television programs. Never mind that one of these is a somewhat cheesy detective show, another is a show about a drug dealer, and then there's the one about a family - and no, I'm not giving names here - figure it out on your own. The programs themselves aren't really the issue, it's more the time they can take up if I let them, and sometimes I do.
The ability to watch any program that might appeal to me is a blessing and a curse. On netflix I can watch an entire series - and at eight bucks a month, that's kind of a blessing, especially when I think about how much more than that I paid for cable. The curse is that I can, and...well...sometimes, do, treat the series like one gigantic movie. Yeah, I said it. I can find loads of ways to justify watching two or three episodes in one sitting - and oh the time saved by eliminating the commercial breaks.
I'm master of my domain - if I want a break, all I gotta do is hit the pause button. Hell, if I wanna, I can just turn the damn thing off and come back to it later, y'know, whenever I want. All things in moderation they say, but this new way of being able to watch television comes with a hefty price if one isn't responsible with the buffet of sitting on one's ass and watching anything and everything one might want to watch.
I can blaze through an entire season really quickly - and I have, at least once, in an embarrassingly short window of time. It's a little bit like having a big bag of Halloween candy, or being at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Sure, you can have as much as you want, but maybe you should have less than you think you want. You're not supposed to eat all of your Halloween candy in one sitting - I don't wanna sound like anyone's mom, but it's not good for you to eat too much all at once. You gotta ration that shit out sometimes. It's also not good to watch an entire season of any given program in one sitting. Somewhere, someone is going to develop an app that will force me to watch a series that I like and go old school on its ass - one episode at a time, wait a week until you get the next one. And let me get shit done in the gaps between episodes. There's a name for those gaps...what was it? Oh yeah....LIFE! An ultimate parental control app (never mind that I'm a grown man) that limits my access to any conveniently(?) streamed television show - because the app knows that there's a life to live away from a comfortable sofa. Hell put microchips in various household locations:
1) Vacuum cleaner: Alert! Your program will not play until your vacuum cleaner has run for a minimum of 35 minutes in a minimum of three rooms in your residence!
2) Refrigerator: Alert! Your program will not play until the electronic sensors in your appliance register the following: a) Shelves properly weighted with a healthy balance of meat, dairy products, fruits and vegetables b) Zero levels on both odor and spoilage. Delays will result in loss of episodes!
3) Dusting: Alert! Your program will be available to watch when dust levels in all rooms, including, but not limited to: living room, master bedroom, guest bedroom(s) (where applicable)
any and all bathrooms, master, guest and half baths where applicable, are at a minimal. In other words, if you can write the name of the program you're watching on your furniture, using only your index finger...
4) Pets: Alert! Your dog has been standing by the front door for over the allotted time limit. Your program will be available to resume viewing when your pet has been allowed sufficient time to relieve themselves. Note that if any pet relieves themselves indoors, this will result in loss of episodes!
You get the picture...some pun intended. Yeah, I have a bit too much time on my hands on this, my first Sunday off in quite a while. I could use an app like the one I just described- y'know, give me something else to swear at/about. Later, that same day....
When people ask me if I watch certain shows, my answer is almost always no - because I work nights. Hell, when Seinfeld went on the air, I didn't see it for the first three years. I was fine with that. With the advent of DVR, it didn't matter that I work nights. For a little while, actually longer than I would've thought - or liked, DVR was great. But then I just got to the point where I realized that I don't want to sit on my ass and watch so many things.
I grew up in a time when people had favorite shows, but if you liked watching something, you watched when it came on network television, and you waited another week until the next episode. You lived your life in the gap between episodes. I can't think of specific shows and episodes I missed, but here's the thing: I lived.
I'll admit that I have some guilty pleasures in television programs. Never mind that one of these is a somewhat cheesy detective show, another is a show about a drug dealer, and then there's the one about a family - and no, I'm not giving names here - figure it out on your own. The programs themselves aren't really the issue, it's more the time they can take up if I let them, and sometimes I do.
The ability to watch any program that might appeal to me is a blessing and a curse. On netflix I can watch an entire series - and at eight bucks a month, that's kind of a blessing, especially when I think about how much more than that I paid for cable. The curse is that I can, and...well...sometimes, do, treat the series like one gigantic movie. Yeah, I said it. I can find loads of ways to justify watching two or three episodes in one sitting - and oh the time saved by eliminating the commercial breaks.
I'm master of my domain - if I want a break, all I gotta do is hit the pause button. Hell, if I wanna, I can just turn the damn thing off and come back to it later, y'know, whenever I want. All things in moderation they say, but this new way of being able to watch television comes with a hefty price if one isn't responsible with the buffet of sitting on one's ass and watching anything and everything one might want to watch.
I can blaze through an entire season really quickly - and I have, at least once, in an embarrassingly short window of time. It's a little bit like having a big bag of Halloween candy, or being at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Sure, you can have as much as you want, but maybe you should have less than you think you want. You're not supposed to eat all of your Halloween candy in one sitting - I don't wanna sound like anyone's mom, but it's not good for you to eat too much all at once. You gotta ration that shit out sometimes. It's also not good to watch an entire season of any given program in one sitting. Somewhere, someone is going to develop an app that will force me to watch a series that I like and go old school on its ass - one episode at a time, wait a week until you get the next one. And let me get shit done in the gaps between episodes. There's a name for those gaps...what was it? Oh yeah....LIFE! An ultimate parental control app (never mind that I'm a grown man) that limits my access to any conveniently(?) streamed television show - because the app knows that there's a life to live away from a comfortable sofa. Hell put microchips in various household locations:
1) Vacuum cleaner: Alert! Your program will not play until your vacuum cleaner has run for a minimum of 35 minutes in a minimum of three rooms in your residence!
2) Refrigerator: Alert! Your program will not play until the electronic sensors in your appliance register the following: a) Shelves properly weighted with a healthy balance of meat, dairy products, fruits and vegetables b) Zero levels on both odor and spoilage. Delays will result in loss of episodes!
3) Dusting: Alert! Your program will be available to watch when dust levels in all rooms, including, but not limited to: living room, master bedroom, guest bedroom(s) (where applicable)
any and all bathrooms, master, guest and half baths where applicable, are at a minimal. In other words, if you can write the name of the program you're watching on your furniture, using only your index finger...
4) Pets: Alert! Your dog has been standing by the front door for over the allotted time limit. Your program will be available to resume viewing when your pet has been allowed sufficient time to relieve themselves. Note that if any pet relieves themselves indoors, this will result in loss of episodes!
You get the picture...some pun intended. Yeah, I have a bit too much time on my hands on this, my first Sunday off in quite a while. I could use an app like the one I just described- y'know, give me something else to swear at/about. Later, that same day....
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